FiyaStarter.com - Linwood Jenkins

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“Nas killed Hip-Hop.”
-Soulja Boy
15-minute rapper, currently on
his 14th minute and counting.

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--Standing 6-4, 220 pounds, Linwood was the star center for Mary McLeod Bethune High School in Bucktown, Alabama, a small community of approximately 250 African-Americans that was located right outside of Adulasia. According to the school’s official scorekeeper, Linwood’s uncle, Sylvester, Linwood averaged 76 points, 48 rebounds and 43 blocks, 34 steals and 2 assists a game during his senior season. “The boy just had a gift. People say he only dominated like he did because he was four inches taller than the next tallest kid, but that ain’t have nothing to do with it. He could stand still and dunk that ball from the free throw line. He shot 98% percent from the line because of that.” Sylvester adds that Linwood wasn’t selected to play in the 1982, where he would have faced Cheese Eyes at the McDonald’s All-American game “because of racism.”

Top 10 Projected Ejection Leaders for NBA Season '06-'07.
by: Linwood Jenkins, for Sports

While David Stern’s new Jew Money-ball garnered the most attention from NBA players in the off-season, the Commish’s new “adjustment” to the game promises to bounce more niggas the wrong way when it's all said and done. The “Zero Tolerance Policy,” as it has been labeled, isn’t even a rule per say, but instead a “mandate” sent down from the big office to zebra’s instructing them to clean up some of the over-the-top whining and gesturing from the players. When a player crosses whatever line, he gets hit with a technical -- and the automatic $1,000 fine that goes along with it. A second tech and of course his ass is gonezo, as is more of his cash. Kevin Garnett called it “like Communism,” and compared Stern to Castro. Nice. Rasheed Wallace, the poster-child for the mandate, was much more diplomatic. “It's just another 'Sheed Wallace rule...any time they change the rules of the game for one specific player, you must be doing something right…I will come up with some way to tell them how I feel." Oh my goodness, this nigga gonna get tossed more than a battered wife on a Lifetime movie of the week. Should be classic. Here’s our list of NBA players likely to get their asses 86’d out of the most games.

Players:

‘Sheed
When my uncle was younger, he got into so much trouble that my grandparents sometimes beat him before he went to school, so that they would be even-Stephen when he got home. I fully expect Rosco to get ejected before a game starts, this year.
Kobe
That dumb ass smirk is going to get him launched like Team Rocket. You watch.
A.I.
He’s a whiner and this rule isn’t whiner friendly. Not looking good.
D. Wade
The 15 commercials he has in rotation would lead you to believe he does everything by the book, but he complains a lot and Joe Crawford gonna be on his Positive K shit, this year. He ain’t havin it.
Melo
The way he gets frustrated in such a hurry, I wouldn’t be surprised if he challenged ‘Sheed for tops.
Bruce Bowen
According to Bruce, he has never committed a foul in his life. He’s a keeper.
Jiggles Walker
His face might as well be a question mark. He never understands anything.
Ron Ron
Just because, man.
Vince
V.C. is going to get under the refs skin with the good ‘ole 1-2 punch;
the *worried look* followed by, the *Huh? Because I was worried look*
Dirk
He’ll get T’d a few times just because a zebra will mistake him blaming them when in fact it’s really a teammate he’s blaming.
Sam Cassell
Oh, fuck no. There’s no way he could not make this list. No, fucking way. (*edit 11)

Coach:
Tie: Doc Rivers/Bernie Bickerstaff
Them George Jefferson rants aren’t going to go over too well, this year.

Honorable mention:
Mike Bibby, Bonzi Wells, Starbury, Steve Francis, (well, the entire Knicks backcourt), C-Webb, Krazy Kurt Thomas, Robert Horry, K-Mart, Ruben Patterson, Taco Bell.