FIYA NFL
Rankings
**Week 7** |
Rank |
Team |
FIYA Analysis |
1 |
Titans
 |
When you dominate both lines of scrimmage, you too can trick experts into believing the QB doesn't really matter...that is until you need him to win a game. |
2 |
Steelers
 |
The downside to knocking niggas jaws off is that someone is bound to come hunting for yours. And just like I don't feel bad for that linebacker, I probably won't feel bad for Hines after his brain is turned into tomato paste. |
3 |
Giants
 |
Sure they've been playing nobodies, but those same nobodies have been knocking everyone else off. No need to talk about that now, Pittsburgh is up next. |
4 |
Bills
 |
Lee Evans. Greatest player in the league since Al Del Greco. That catch was but a smidgen of his athletic ability and clutch concentration on display. |
5 |
Buccaneers
 |
With Ike Hilliard going down, this would be the perfect time for Antonio Bryant to turn around his disappointing ass career. He's taken a step, but let's not get too excited. He is a fuck up. |
6 |
Redskins
 |
Welp, another Apocalypse moment is upon us; never mind the market possibly crashing and the dollar being replaced by something called an Amero, none of that is as startling as what I just did. I voted Carlos Roger to the Pro Bowl. |
7 |
Cardinals
 |
If I was Matt Leinart's agent, I'd try to negotiate with 'Zona for him to take the time he isn't on the field and get a few guest spots in on The Hills. Of course he'd have to rock 'Cards paraphernalia at all times on camera, but it would be a win-win for both sides. |
8 |
Panthers
 |
When asked what goes through his mind to make him compete so hard for the ball while it's in the air, Carolina WR Steve Smith was quoted as saying, "I just think about being able to punch it, once I bring it in and score." Hence, the end zone celebration. |
9 |
Jaguars
 |
Minimal press and ultimately only three games? Man, he got caught with the crack. That's some bullshit. It was the crack! |
10 |
Bears
 |
48 points? That can't be right. Hold up, lemme check another scoreboard. |
11 |
Packers
 |
I have no idea how Rodgers threw for close to 200 yards and no receiver caught for more than 37. Every play must have been that bullshit WR screen. |
12 |
Patriots
 |
What a seesaw team from week to week. This week, after they sat on their end, Denver got launched and landed in the West Indies. What an asspunching. |
13 |
Cowboys
 |
I can't be the only one who believes Wade Phillips just wants to get fired, so he can collect his check. He may even quit and go back to Maytag. It couldn't have been this stressful there. |
14 |
Eagles
 |
Just let me know whether or not Westbrook is playing. |
15 |
Falcons
 |
We know damn well you don't want to see Vick back in that league, Blank. So, just stop your lying, Greshen head. |
16 |
Colts
 |
P. Manning: Bet I can throw two Picks worse than yours from last week.
E. Manning: No way.
P. Manning: Way.
*BoozGotPaid signs off* |
17 |
Broncos
 |
Even when he stinks it up, while playing hurt he gets praised. All because he has an "incredibly strong arm." Well, you know what? Somebody owes Jay Schroeder some retroactive praise if that's all it takes. |
18 |
Chargers
 |
Ladanian is having an OK season, but clearly Troy Polamalu is carrying his counterpart in that commercial. |
19 |
Jets
 |
Still think running the ball too much is holding him back? Thomas Jones' 159 yards say otherwise. |
20 |
Saints
 |
To everyone saying dumb shit like "that's why you shouldn't have Reggie returning kicks," do us all a favor and heat an iron and press it against your lips for a good three minutes. |
21 |
Ravens
 |
Good game against the Dolphins, but seriously, how long have the Ravens needed a receiver that could stretch the field? |
22 |
Vikings
 |
How do you even get a chance to throw your fourth INT? |
23 |
Browns
 |
They need to trade Kellen and Derek Anderson while they're at it. Brady doesn't want either one of them around and what Brady wants matters most, right? |
24 |
Rams
 |
And of course I rested Steven Jackson...sike. That would have made you happy, wouldn't it, you hateful bastards. |
25 |
Texans
 |
Schaub gets no credit for this one either. It was the Lions. |
26 |
Dolphins
 |
Baltimore stopped you know what, which makes me happy because I don't have to hear about it, this week and hopefully any more. |
27 |
Raiders
 |
JaMarcus outplayed him. NOOOOOOPE.
*knuckle touch for Sebastian* |
28 |
49ers
 |
Can't wait to see Mike Singletary stare a hole through one of his players when they fuck up. The 'Tensity in that man's eyes could finely cut through Charlie Weiss. |
29 |
Seahawks
 |
Arson's FIYA Political Point of the Week: Now, nobody said shit about Joe Lieberman crossing party lines when he endorsed McCain six months ago, but the second Colin Powell backs Obama because he realizes that he can't afford his family back in Baltimore going broke with the rest of America and having to move in with him, the shit is now "racial." See, this is why fat white boys get pushed down so much in first grade. |
30 |
Chiefs
 |
Brodie Croyle's season ending injury may be a blessing in disguise as he now has more time to dedicate to an important community issue back in Alabama. That being legally changing the name of his home town from the incredibly gay Rainbow City to Joe Willie City. |
31 |
Bengals
 |
Don't you learn back in Pee Wee League that if a nigga is about to take you out, it's somebody's responsibility to yell "OH SHIT CRACKBACK!" or some variation? |
32 |
Lions
 |
Detroit replaces ordinary name and performing RB Kevin Jones, with ordinary name and performing RB Kevin Smith. Millen should get fired from his next job as soon as they confirm the interview. |
