FIYA NFL
Rankings
**Week 4** |
Rank |
Team |
FIYA Analysis |
1 |
Giants
 |
So, just by chance, the week the Giants have a bye, an unranked Ole Miss team beats number 4 Florida? I take it you expect me to believe Eli wasn't in Gainesville? |
2 |
Bills
 |
Not exactly the two New York teams you expected to see up here, are they? Offense gives Buffalo the edge over Tennessee. |
3 |
Titans
 |
Jeff Fisher is the best coach not to win shit since Bill Cowher in 2005. This defense might not get the hype of the Ravens, but they're right up there. |
4 |
Redskins
 |
Washington's defense is surprisingly good. The secondary in particular has performed better than a young Chinese piano prodigy. Chris Horton is a fucking ballhawk. |
5 |
Steelers
 |
Steelers running backs, Seahawks receivers or the hair follicles on the guy who plays House MD; Whose shit is running thinner? |
6 |
Cowboys
 |
|
7 |
Panthers
 |
Carolina is one of those running backs establishing themselves away from turning into a really good team. Somebody needs step it up. |
8 |
Broncos
 |
*breaks out the Michael Jackson head nod*
*slightly lifts slacks*
*points to Cutler's bad game*
*spins* |
9 |
Buccaneers
 |
The knock on Earnest Graham has been that he's slow, but maybe he just looks that way when he's running kinda like a videogame character when too many men are on the screen and everything is sluggish. |
10 |
Patriots
 |
I hope they found out how to get that ball to Moss during the week off. Their offense is flat. |
11 |
Bears
 |
Best goal line stand since I told my girl I wasn't going to church with her. |
12 |
Eagles
 |
You've got one of the five most versatile QB's in the league on the one and you give the ball to Correll Buckhalter 12 times in a row. Great coaching, Chico Stick mustache. |
13 |
Chargers
 |
Goddamn, San Diego almost scored more points in the fourth quarter than Zeke in the '88 Finals. |
14 |
Ravens
 |
The most amazing thing about Ray Ray is how he can come up with that emotional bullshit to make his teammates believe week after week, year after year. I'm in awe that this guy's biggest gift isn't even hitting people. |
15 |
Jaguars
 |
Hopefully Jerry Porter can get well and contribute to this team. I don't think anyone wants to see Garrard running that ball on a regular basis. |
16 |
Saints
 |
Down go Colston and Shockey and up pop Deuce and some nigga named Lance Moore. This offense is like a bunch of weeds. |
17 |
Jets
 |
All that Laveranues Coles crap was just that. Truth is, old man Favre just didn't have much time to work with him. Nobody is tanking and fucking up their money because of Chad Pennington. |
18 |
Packers
 |
Just as many suspected, Ryan Grant got his check and went shopping. |
19 |
Colts
 |
Arson's Fiya Theory Of The Week: My theory is that every virus known to man originated at an airport. It's almost not worth the free SkyMall mag to travel through those germ farms. |
20 |
Cardinals
 |
Very close, Kurt, but Griese's 67 still best your measly 57 passes in a game. |
21 |
Seahawks
 |
A bye after three weeks was the dumbest thing I'd heard of since the last Palin sound bite until I saw the Seahawks decimated roster last week. |
22 |
49ers
 |
Vernon Davis is on the verge of being a bust. Get it together, champ. |
23 |
Falcons
 |
I thought about cursing Matt Ryan because there's already this contingency of haters claiming he's better than Vick, but the last time I wished that on someone Matt Schaub went somewhere and disappeared. |
24 |
Vikings
 |
Know what the difference is between Gus and Tavaris? One keeps you in the game just a bit longer before he fucks it up and the other one's daddy wears a small Cadillac charm on his chain. |
25 |
Dolphins
 |
Word out of Miami is that Coach Sparano really thought about replacing Chad with Ronnie Brown at QB, over the weekend. If it were up to me, I'd replace him with Bobbi Kristina Brown. I'm sure her arm is stronger. |
26 |
Browns
 |
Watching the Browns go into the fourth quarter struggling on offense with Anderson still under center raised my eyebrows higher than Uncle Leo's. |
27 |
Chiefs
 |
HAHAHAHAHAHA, Herm got scared for his job and gave Larry that ball. The greatest. |
28 |
Raiders
 |
Al is acting so black right now. He don't want to pay dude his money. Lane just acted blacker because that's all he stuck around for. |
29 |
Texans
 |
Speaking of Matt Schaub, nice game. Now do it enough times to get to a championship game like Mike and I'll stop being condescending. Seriously. |
30 |
Lions
 |
…and speaking of Zeke, I'm convinced that comparison is what did Matt in. |
31 |
Bengals
 |
All you need to know about Cinci's Sunday is that a Harvard QB with the name Fitzpatrick led them in rushing. |
32 |
Rams
 |
Who the hell is Scott Linehan? |
