FIYA NFL
Rankings
**Week 2** |
Rank |
Team |
FIYA Analysis |
1 |
Cowboys
 |
As good as the offense looked for Dallas and Philly, this past Monday, both of their defense's got shredded finer than lettuce at a Qdoba Mexican Grill. Let's keep an eye on this secondary. |
2 |
Giants
 |
With the Bengals up next, I fully expect Giants players to focus on more important things in New York like popping bottles at as many clubs as possible to help people in the financial district forget their lives are ruined. |
3 |
Steelers
 |
I'm not gonna lie, I missed most of the Steelers-Browns game because besides knowing the Steelers were gonna win, I was glued to CNBC scared as shit the money in my savings account would be gone by Monday morning. But, I did catch Ben piss Andrea Kramer off when he wouldn't answer her question about his shoulder. That cheered me up a bit. |
4 |
Patriots
 |
|
5 |
Panthers
 |
Ever heard of Digoxin? It's a prescribed heart medication currently sold out in the greater Carolinas. |
6 |
Packers
 |
Don't think we haven't noticed how well THIS GUY is playing. We see it and so do you. |
7 |
Eagles
 |
First time I can recall ever seeing a pump fake on a handoff. Jim Boeheim must be proud. |
8 |
Bills
 |
The most ironic thing about Buffalo's win over Jacksonville, last Sunday is the similarity between the two teams. If Edwards can stay away from dumb turnovers and let his running back and defense put him in position to succeed, the Bills will be in the playoff hunt. |
9 |
Broncos
 |
I like Cutler and all, but I'm not gonna sit here and act like he didn't fumble twice down the stretch of that Chargers game and get some help from a blind ass roided ref. |
10 |
Bears
 |
Hester better not be out for more than a game. Man can not live on Roscoe Parrish returns, alone. |
11 |
Colts
 |
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe Anthony Gonzalez racked up more yards than OSU's whole offense, Saturday night. |
12 |
Titans
 |
128 yards against the Bengals. Funny, but when Vince had ordinary ass games like this (plus the rushing yards), muhfuckers cried that 'ole "he just managed the game" shit. This old drunk does it and he's a bigger hero in Tennessee than the guy who invented the Styrofoam to keep your barbeque in. |
13 |
Cardinals
 |
Fitzgeezy and Boldin got off in the same game. I've only been waiting to see this for five years. I guess I can die a happy man, now. |
14 |
Chargers
 |
They got fucked and all, but never mind all that; did you see how fast them Sproles was running? I haven't seen a man fly that fast since Superman flew around the world real fast to save his bitch. |
15 |
Redskins
 |
With about four minutes to go in the Saints game, my best friend hit me up begging me to let Jason Campbell have it in the rankings this week because, "He can't make adjustments or handle pressure." On the very next play, Lionel Richie called an audible, avoided the rush and hit Santana Moss with a perfect strike for the game winning score. If you're reading this B, I want you to understand this is why I don't want you fucking calling me during games. You Sohh'd New Orleans right out of a win. |
16 |
Saints
 |
Watching Shockey get carelessly stripped for a fumble then out muscled to the inside on a halfassed route resulting in an interception makes me understand more and more why the Giants got rid of his ass. |
17 |
49ers
 |
Isaac Bruce with 153 yards receiving? I see he's on his old ass Joey Galloway shit. |
18 |
Jets
 |
*watches Favre's interception for the 12th time in a row*
See, this is why there has been an underground Brett revolt going on for some time now. Even when he clearly fucks up, excuses are prepared for him quicker than a bottle of formula for a newborn. |
19 |
Ravens
 |
When asked how he spent the unexpected Sunday off, Joe Flacco said he took time to see all the beautiful scenery in Baltimore. I wonder what he did with the remaining 23 hours and 55 minutes of his day. |
20 |
Buccaneers
 |
Let's just see how long it takes before the Griese hits the fan. |
21 |
Jaguars
 |
If anyone can explain what the fuck is going on with David Garrard, I'd appreciate the insight. |
22 |
Seahawks
 |
Another WR goes down for Seattle. This is like watching a horror movie and all the Seahawk receivers are black people paid for the first six minutes of work. |
23 |
Vikings
 |
29 carries is way too many for AD. Better mix some Chester up in there if you want Peterson to make it past the bye. |
24 |
Browns
 |
What can you say about a team that has won as many games in the past five years against their rivals as the Washington Generals? |
25 |
Raiders
 |
NOPE, Jamarcus managed that game just like Collins did for the Titans. Fuck out my face. |
26 |
Texans
 |
With the Texans possibly playing their next home game at Rice Stadium, I guess this leaves their regular digs as anything but Reliant. I know I'm an asshole, what else is new? |
27 |
Falcons
 |
They have to stay with Michael Turner. Ryan really isn't ready for primetime and if they want him around in Atlanta they better keep it on the ground. |
28 |
Lions
 |
*lights up a dozen Cubans with following quote*
"This team is just atrocious and Matt Millen is a walking football atrocity. He is the worst executive, in my opinion, in the history of team sports." -Screamin A. Smith |
29 |
Rams
 |
Look on the bright side; Chris Long had a sack…welp, that's all I've got. |
30 |
Dolphins
 |
I know they say dark liquor especially isn't good for you in the South Beach Sun, but I think 'Phins fans could all benefit from some Henne right about now.. |
31 |
Bengals
 |
Arson's Fiya Advice For The Week: If you'd rather avoid homeless people altogether like me, when you're approaching one that you know is about to beg, pull out your cell phone and act like you're having an important conversation and make like some shit is on the line. Feel free to use this on friends, family and co-workers too. |
32 |
Chiefs
 |
I understand LJ's frustration and all, but he got his money last year. I don't care. |
