FIYA NFL
Rankings
**Week 12** |
Rank |
Team |
FIYA Analysis |
1 |
Giants
 |
No Plax, No Jacobs; no problem. New York should petition to have all of their road games played in Arizona. Eli can do no wrong there. |
2 |
Jets
 |
Seeing as though they beat the shit out of Tennessee at home, the Brets get the second slot. |
3 |
Titans
 |
Can't even blame the drunk. His receivers were dropping the ball more than Emmitt Smith at an oratory competition. |
4 |
Buccaneers
 |
I wonder how much money the Barber parents spent on their sons teeth. |
5 |
Steelers
 |
Mewelde Moore runs hard like an escaping slave and all, but Willie Parker's got to get it together if the Steelers want to make a run in a month. |
6 |
Falcons
 |
Michael Turner's four TD's bought someone's family a four-course meal at the Smith & Wollensky Steakhouse, last week. |
7 |
Panthers
 |
Dwayne Jarrett is a bum. I see why Steve Smith was all in his shit, last year. He was trying to prevent the boy from being Mike Williams-South, but to no avail. |
8 |
Cardinals
 |
Kurt can still throw, but boy is he slow. |
9 |
Cowboys
 |
If I worked for ESPN, my comment for the 'Boys would be: "T.O. still hasn’t had a 100-yard game in a year!" then in 6 point font below that, it would say, "NOPE, technically 213 doesn't qualify." |
10 |
Colts
 |
I just realized Adam Vinatieri is the best kicker of his time. If it weren't for him, Tom Brady would be Jim Kelly instead of Joe Montana. |
11 |
Redskins
 |
Portis takes way too many big hits for a man his size. He's gonna be walking like Brad Pitt at the beginning of The Curious Case of Benjamin Button the day after he retires. |
12 |
Patriots
 |
I tried to call Matt Cassel's agent for a comment on his client's play as of late and I was greeted by the Dave Chappelle recording, "Agents be SHOPIIIIIIIIIN!" It really surprised me. I was totally expecting to hear the "rich-bitch" line instead. |
13 |
Ravens
 |
He may not have off the chart stats, but Le'Ron McClain has been important to the Ravens in a season where McGahee has proven to be more delicate than a woman fresh off her cycle. |
14 |
Broncos
 |
Since the Chargers are done, Denver will win their division, but boy are they in for an ass-punching first round. |
15 |
Bears
 |
Upon hearing President Bush was about to give his cousin John a presidential pardon from his coke smuggling sentence, Matt went off on the Rams in joy. |
16 |
Vikings
 |
When asked why he was late for a Saturday team meeting, A.D. Peterson said he was busy laughing at how bad his alma mater Oklahoma beat the breaks off Texas Tech. |
17 |
Saints
 |
If Brees can avoid any serious injuries, he's gonna break some records. He stays throwing for 300 yards. |
18 |
Packers
 |
Arson's Keen Observation of the Week: That beard Aaron Rodgers is sporting is the worse I've seen since Peter Griffin's bird nest. |
19 |
Bills
 |
You already know--LEE EVANS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! |
20 |
Dolphins
 |
YES! Merc is out of my hair for the rest of the football season. I'm so happy, I'm not even going to transition this into the hair joke I planned to wrap the comment up with. |
21 |
Eagles
 |
This team is a hot mess…damn that phrase is feminine, but since this whole squad has been bitching up the entire season, it fits. |
22 |
Chargers
 |
Since hearing his comments acknowledging he's falling off, I've been picturing the conversation Landian had with himself in that mirror coming to grips with it. LMAO, he was crying. You know he was. |
23 |
Texans
 |
Quiet as kept, Steve Slaton is having a pretty impressive season. |
24 |
Browns
 |
Just like his coach Charlie Weiss: inflated (honestly, I didn't plan that, but it works) and sorry. |
25 |
Jaguars
 |
Maurice Jones-Drew must have an incentive laden contract. It's the only reason I can think of as to why he's still playing so hard. No one else on that team is. |
26 |
Raiders
 |
JaMarcus Russell had one incompletion and clearly outplayed Jay Cutler...Discuss...NOPE, I said discuss. |
27 |
49ers
 |
|
28 |
Seahawks
 |
Why are people trying to throw a pity party for Holmgren? Fry his ass for this sorry team he's responsible for! |
29 |
Rams
 |
14 yards rushing? Was the O-line even playing or were they on early holiday leave? |
30 |
Chiefs
 |
How pissed is Gonzo that he didn’t get the hell out of KC? |
31 |
Bengals
 |
See all the bad shit that happens to you when you change your name from the one your momma gave you? It's only really worked for Prince and Ahmad Rashad, so far...
Happy Turkey Day Cinci |
32 |
Lions
 |
If you would have seen my face when that ticker showed the Lions up 17-0 on Tampa, you would have thought I saw the ghost of Christmas past. |
