FIYA NFL
Rankings
**Week 8** |
Rank |
Team |
FIYA Analysis |
1 |
Patriots
 |
Watching
Bill Belichick pass the ball on 4th down, up 83 points
against Skins reminded me of John Lithgow's, Earl Talbott
Blake having no mercy in trying to break Denzel's will
in Ricochet. Just call Joe Gibbs Nick, cause the
man got totally Styled-on. |
2 |
Colts
 |
Part
one of the two games against the Pats (the other being
the AFC Championship), coming up next week. Lord help the
scoreboard guy. |
3 |
Packers
 |
I
can't tell you how happy I was Favre threw that touchdown.
Honestly, I was ready to go to sleep. I had to get up early.
I wanted that game over. |
4 |
Jaguars
 |
In
perhaps, the most bass ackwards performances of the week,
Quinn Gray was efficient and mistake free, while Jeff Garcia
was Favresque and mistake prone. Go figure. |
5 |
Cowboys
 |
During
their bye, Cowboys QB Tony Romo stood in front of his mirror
for the entire week practicing the smile he's going to
put on when Jerry Jones gives him that new contract. Meanwhile,
Roy Williams shaved his head in the dark during his time
off because he couldn't stand to face himself for all the
money he's stealing. |
6 |
Giants
 |
Did
you catch the Giants game in London? Sweet Jesus, I haven't
seen that many white people at a sporting event since...well,
since game two of the World Series in Boston. |
7 |
Steelers
 |
I
had a quite a witty Big Ben jab ready to go with the Giants
game being played in England and all, but sadly it died
in my arms on Sunday when every announcer on Fox beat it
to bloody death. |
8 |
Titans
 |
LenDale
White had a career day on Sunday. First he rushed for 133
yards in the Titans 13-9 victory over Oakland, then he
broke John Candy's record, taking down a 65 ounce steak
at a local Tennessee Beef'n'Brisket. |
9 |
Seahawks
 |
You
know these niggas got out of Seattle on their week off.
Ain't shit to do there but drink coffee, drive in the rain
to that big ass market (albeit yummy) and get killed trying
to break in Bill Gates' house. |
10 |
Lions
 |
Observing
Detroit win a tough NFC Central game on the road, in Chicago
was almost surreal. What a turn around. If they can run
the ball like this, they just might be able to clip the
Pack for the division. |
11 |
Chargers
 |
After
what should be a gimme against the Vikings, life gets anything
but easier with the Colts and Jags up next. |
12 |
Panthers
 |
That
pick Vinny threw on the goal line, yesterday, was probably
the worst pick I've seen since Vinny played in Tampa. I
actually caught a chill. |
13 |
Redskins
 |
Watching
Joe Gibbs have to talk to the media about that asspunching
brought back memories of Jay in his post-Ether interview
on Hot '97 with Angie Martinez. I swear I was just waiting
for Joe to call New England, "just...vulgar..." |
14 |
Chiefs
 |
Based
on their surprising 4-3 division lead, Herm packed his
linen and took his ass down to South Beach, last week.
You know that nigga got it in. |
15 |
Browns
 |
Despite
every single hair on his face looking like it's painted
on, Braylon Edwards deserves the spot opposite Randy Moss
in Hawaii, for the AFC. |
16 |
Buccaneers
 |
Tampa
wasted a golden opportunity at home, against a team that
had no idea how they were going to produce points in Jacksonville.
This will be one of those "point back to it" games, if
they miss the playoffs. |
17 |
Ravens
 |
Hearing
him on the radio, during Baltimore's week off, I've concluded
that if Ray Lewis doesn't become an evangelist after he
retires, he will be the biggest waste of talent since Jack
Nicholson.
Bitch, don't look at those words and get mad at me, I'm directly
quoting Francis Ford Coppola. HE said it...yeah, look at your
faggot ass backing up now. Nah, keep the same 'tensity you
had when you thought it was me. Be a man! |
18 |
Saints
 |
See,
those three TD's are what made Marques Coleston the hottest
thing since Cinnabon Minibons, his rookie year.
Will he consistently put in that kind of work? I know he
has a history of injuries, but the guy is just so talented
aren't you curious as to what could be? |
19 |
Broncos
 |
Chump
and Bly got fuckin smoked. Goddamn, they got smoked. |
20 |
Bears
 |
Griese
played horribly, but I'm sorry, that running game is about
as alive as W.C. Fields. Chicago has got to do something
like start Adrian Peterson and pray he runs like his Minnesota
namesake. |
21 |
Bills
 |
Lee
Evans. (As you know) My dog! I'm taking him with my first
pick in Fantasy until he retires if for nothing else, but
that one Sunday he wins me the week's pot when I have no
business even sniffing it. |
22 |
Eagles
 |
If
you ask me, the most inspiring story of the year is Correll
Buckhalter's journey to play full back to back seasons.
Usually, by now he's working out with Triple H, rehabbing
a tendon. Keep it going Correll. |
23 |
Cardinals
 |
Arson's
Fiya Observation Of The Week: So, I'm
watching this wack ass black comedian ripping off the
bit I've seen countless other black comedians do about
his mother beating him with a house shoe, when I think
about how wack and inaccurate it has to be. Man, I
never got beat with no damn house shoe. Who the fuck
got beat with a house shoe? A fluffy size 7 can't possibly
hurt. I wish my mother did beat me with a house shoe
so I could've turned around and told her to step her
game up...nah, I wouldn't have done that cause my mom
is pretty vindictive. She woulda fucked around and
got a hard bottom and killed my ass. Nevertheless,
that house shoe shit is wack. |
24 |
Bengals
 |
Do
me a favor, say Deltha out loud. Doesn't it feel funny?
'Bout as funny as every one that thought this team would
contend this year, right? Not that funny? Yeah, I agree. |
25 |
Vikings
 |
Every
sportscaster in the hemisphere had to stumble over the
word Shiancoe (pronounced Shank-Oh) on Sunday. How lazy.
I mean, it's not exactly Kabeer Gbaja-Biamila. |
26 |
49ers
 |
Hey,
Vernon Davis took an Under Armour commercial break to play
a football game. Good to see you, Vernon. |
27 |
Raiders
 |
I
don't think Warren Sapp has said a word all season. The
nigga's been quieter than Jack Bauer in China. |
28 |
Texans
 |
Um,
is Matt Schaub still the best kept secret?
*old asshole Jewish man bushy eyebrow raise* |
29 |
Jets
 |
OK
Kellen here's your chance, don't Chad it up. |
30 |
Falcons
 |
I
wonder how bye week's affect the strip club and subsequent "private
party" economy in Atlanta. Do they increase because the
home town players have nothing else to do, or do they suffer
because the rotation of tricks from out of town are void?
A study needs to be done for this. |
31 |
Dolphins
 |
|
32 |
Rams
 |
They
looked to be on their way to a win, then Jackson went down.
A pity. He was off to a good start. |
