FIYA NFL
Rankings
**Week 7** |
Rank |
Team |
FIYA Analysis |
1 |
Patriots
 |
Since
the cocklicking for this team is so rampant, let's play
Kurt Warner's advocate and point out how average they've
looked on the defensive side of the ball, over the last
two weeks. Ok, that's all I've got. |
2 |
Colts
 |
Alright,
I concede that their defense is legit. Not that Jacksonville's
offense is a measuring stick, by any means, but they fly
to the ball and bowling ball Sanders has taught the rest
of those guys the art of intimidation. |
3 |
Packers
 |
Arson's
Fiya Observation Of The Week: Since
I've had more than a few people ask me about it, let
me say, yes, I've seen the KFC commercial with the
black mother and her 12 kids, fatherless--and yes,
it's 'CISM. The worst part is that after I saw the
second kid, I knew daddy was not making an appearance
at that table. How wack. Al and Bill need to fight
shit like this instead of words we have no plans to
stop using. |
4 |
Jaguars
 |
Maybe
Jacksonville just needs a new offensive line coach that
teaches them how to preserve the QB's limbs at all costs.
Can't blame Byron for this one. |
5 |
Cowboys
 |
OK,
it's been a week and nobody has mentioned it, so I will
just leave you with T.O.'s stat line that accompanied his
touchdown from the Pats game: 6-66. |
6 |
Giants
 |
If
New York were to relocate, they would move to Atlanta,
specifically the TRAP, and play this next game against
Miami. This soooo feels like the Giants annual late October,
flush-the-season game. |
7 |
Steelers
 |
This
team is worse than a big breasted chick with crazy eyes.
There is just no way to look them in the face and get a
read on whether or not you have a chance. |
8 |
Panthers
 |
On
his week off, Steve Smith had some time to watch episodes
of Dancing With The Stars he had been TiVo-ing.
Please God, keep him out of the end zone. |
9 |
Titans
 |
If
I was Roger Goodell I would have made a judgment call and
bronzed Rob Bironas' leg right after he booted that eighth
FG. That leg belongs in Canton. |
10 |
Redskins
 |
|
11 |
Seahawks
 |
Certain
people look at Seattle's win against St. Louis and
say, "That was a much needed victory." I look
at it and say, "This sorry team, can't even run on
the Rams. What the hell happened to them?" |
12 |
Lions
 |
Is
it just me or does it seem like it's T.J. Duckett's purpose
in life to find a new team to run hard for in practice,
then get buried on the bench on game day for? He must not
be a good locker room guy. |
13 |
Buccaneers
 |
Goddamn,
Chris Hovan plays for Tampa? I'm about to start using them
on Madden, because if there are two sure things
about a
Madden release, its that Brett Favre and Chris
Hovan are going to be superhuman. I swear Hov is the greatest
defensive tackle in the history of that game franchise.
My boy once had 18 tackles and five sacks on me with Chris
when he was with Minne and I had a double team on him the
whole game. |
14 |
Chiefs
 |
Herm
is on my short list of potential Coach of the Year candidates...yup,
serious as an 70's Dustin Hoffman flick. |
15 |
Chargers
 |
Blessed
with playing in probably, the worst division in football,
San Diego should be ready to take control of the AFC-West
coming off their bye...well, if their asses aren't burned
up, that is. |
16 |
Ravens
 |
Baltimore's
offense remains more anemic than T-Boz during TLC's Fanmail World
Tour of 2000. It's truly Unpretty to watch them. |
17 |
Browns
 |
The
next few weeks will tell the tale of whether their offense
is real and more importantly whether Derek Anderson makes
Brady Quinn trade bait. |
18 |
Bears
 |
That
97-yard game winning drive was for all you haters talking
Griese about Brian. |
19 |
Broncos
 |
The
Broncos look like 11 Spiderman's when they wear
those dark uni's. It's distracting. |
20 |
Bengals
 |
Just
when I was beginning to lose all interest in this average-at-best
team, I tune into to NFL Gameday and witness that
extraordinary interview between Keyshawn and Chad. Someone
better get an Emmy behind that piece. Key still isn't Mike
Dawg, but he is the best personality on Sunday mornings. |
21 |
Saints
 |
Another
win because of Reggie. NOPE! They set it up that way, I'm
just rolling with it. |
22 |
Bills
 |
I
was in the barbershop the other day and they had the TV
on ESPN Classic showing Buffalo's four Super Bowl losses.
So, my dumb ass isn't paying attention when I look up and
they flash to Darryl Talley's ugly ass. Goddamn, Darryl
almost got my head nicked up. |
23 |
Cardinals
 |
That
gadget play on the 2-point conversion was the worst call
I've seen since referee Phil Luckett blew the coin toss
during that Steelers Thanksgiving game, a few years back. |
24 |
Vikings
 |
You
know what the biggest difference is between the Cowboys
and Vikings philosophy on splitting carries up between
their backs? Dallas doesn't have Adrian Peterson, who is
infinitely better than Chester Taylor. Good grief, give
the kid the rock. |
25 |
49ers
 |
What
the hell was wrong with Dilfer goin' off on the sideline,
Sunday? He threw a fit for the ages. Nigga, you have a
ring, now sit down and act like you have some damn sense. |
26 |
Eagles
 |
Honestly,
did anyone think that the Eagles could let Stallworth walk
and still have a consistent offense, this year? |
27 |
Raiders
 |
55
yards rushing. Well, it was a nice month ride, Oakland
fan. |
28 |
Texans
 |
Congrats
Sage Rosenfels, you just had the best horrible game of
any QB in NFL history. It really was awfully fantastic. |
29 |
Jets
 |
Why
were these analysts throwing tea parties for Chad, because
he threw the ball over 20 yards once? He's a fucking NFL
QB! You don't praise him for doing it, he's supposed to! |
30 |
Falcons
 |
Since
everyone from Family Guy to Robot Chicken is
doing a Star Wars parody, I'd like to see Keenan
Ivory Wayans do one with Byron Leftwich cast as the black
Anakin Skywalker. I just think he'll be able to deliver
the scene Obi-Wan chops his lower limbs off, like no one
else. |
31 |
Dolphins
 |
Will
Ronnie Brown ever get over the hump? |
32 |
Rams
 |
I
didn't think any Quarterback, much less Marc Bulger could
look so shitty in that offense. Stephen Jackson can't mean
that much to the team, can he? |
