FIYA NFL
Rankings
**Week 6** |
Rank |
Team |
FIYA Analysis |
1 |
Patriots
 |
Never
mind that #81 fiascogate (no Lupe), the comparison everyone
should have been most offended by, last week, was the one "experts" made
between Romo and Brady. My pressure raised every time they
made mention of Tony in the same breath as Tom. Stick with
the late career Favre comparison, dickheads. |
2 |
Colts
 |
Deep
down, we all know they're the only team that can give the
Pats a run for Tom's pending dual child support. |
3 |
Steelers
 |
No,
don't say these guys, either. Maybe if the game was in
Pittsburgh, but it's in New England, so stop. |
4 |
Jaguars
 |
One
playmaking receiver away from petrifying the feces out
of everyone except the top two. |
5 |
Packers
 |
You
know that little hop Brett does after each RECORD
SETTING INTERCEPTION he throws? Well, I do the same hop, but then
I walk it out. (Nope, I walk it out. Now, reader, walk
it out.) |
6 |
Cowboys
 |
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA,
please tell me you saw how big T.O.'s eyes got when he
watched that replay of Randy's acrobatic-almost catch,
then the accompanying "People's Eyebrow" after
they called it incomplete. He was happy as shit. Hahahahahahahahaha,
see this is why, despite how much he acts like a set of
ovaries, you gotta fuck with him to a certain degree. The
nigga-comedy factor is fantastic. |
7 |
Buccaneers
 |
Who
do you think will throw a pick first, Garcia or Garrard?
I say Garrard, because Jeff enjoys holding on to balls
much more. |
8 |
Giants
 |
Plaxico
is like the Bizarro to Randy Moss' Superman. He's
comparably fast, strong and all around athletic, but in
the end, he's just a doofus with a retarded smile. |
9 |
Titans
 |
Madden Curse > All
other forces known to man |
10 |
Ravens
 |
Whatever
David Beckham makes, Matt Stover should ask for scale based
on all those FGs he kicked against St. Louis. His foot
has to be bigger than Vesta after an '86 fish fry, right
now. |
11 |
Panthers
 |
Vinnie
playing in his 21st season almost makes you forget that
he was the most inaccurate highly touted scrub in the league,
at Quarterback until Heath Shuler got drafted. |
12 |
Chargers
 |
I'll
wait to shower them with praise until they put at least
three victories together. |
13 |
Seahawks
 |
Have
you noticed how many teams cannot run the ball this year,
with a star RB at that? When the 700 Club's favorite
son is struggling, you know there's a problem. |
14 |
Redskins
 |
Well,
since it actually cost you a game this time, Skins fan,
can we now address Moss' drops? I know you've noticed them,
since week one. I sure have. |
15 |
Lions
 |
|
16 |
Browns
 |
There's
something fishy about this Cleveland offense, but I just
can't put my finger on it. (*cont'd at #32) |
17 |
Eagles
 |
Kevin
CUUUUUUUUUURTIS and Wes Welker are doing nicely, filling
in that fast ass white boy receiver spot that has been
void since Don Beebe disappeared off the face of the Earth. |
18 |
Vikings
 |
In
classic wrestling terms, Adrian Peterson took the Bears
defense and super kicked them through a barbershop window. |
19 |
Bears
 |
I
still can't believe how bad Chicago's defense got pimped.
It's almost as amazing as opposing teams still kicking
to Devin Hester. |
20 |
Chiefs
 |
Gonzo
needs to stop that dunking the ball over the goal post
crap. When he pulls his back, falls in agony and they put
him on that reel with Frerotte doinking his head, his fake
Byron Houston type PF ass ain't gonna like it. |
21 |
Broncos
 |
Anybody
else find it wild that it's damn near ten years later and
Chump Bailey and Charles Woodson are still arguably the
best corners in the league? |
22 |
Cardinals
 |
When
Satan doesn't pull his end of a bargain, just how do you
go about making him pay up? |
23 |
49ers
 |
On
their week off, the whole 49ers team took a trip to San
Diego to visit fellow Bay Area athlete Baron Davis build
dams at Sea World. |
24 |
Raiders
 |
I
know Jerry Porter has been slowed down a bit by not being
in camp, because of his trade demand, but good grief, it's
been a year and a half, Jerry! |
25 |
Texans
 |
Wait,
just a cracker-slanting minute, Kevin Curtis, you may have
company. |
26 |
Bengals
 |
"Boy,
that Houshmandzadeh is sure playing some good ball this
year, isn't he? Why can't any of the other receivers
ball like this to help you win, this year?" I can
see some white reporter in Cinci asking Chad this in
the near future. When Ocho fattens dude's lip, I hope
realizes he was wrong and tells all his friends to
leave black people alone. |
27 |
Bills
 |
I'm
officially declaring Ashton Youboty as the best name of
an NFL player, this year. Try and top my claim, You won't. |
28 |
Saints
 |
Well,
I'm giving Reggie all the credit here, since he was the
only one getting big blame while his QB had thrown ninety
picks. |
29 |
Jets
 |
When
Mike Greenberg is done defending Chad, you know a Jets
quarterback change should have been made a month ago. |
30 |
Falcons
 |
Why
do announcers go out of their way to point out Falcons
receivers dropping the ball this year, when in year's past,
the blame was dropped all on Vick? |
31 |
Dolphins
 |
Lost
in Miami's abysmal season is Zach Thomas still tackling
people like he's an undrafted free agent with a pregnant
girlfriend. |
32 |
Rams
 |
I've
got it! The Rams switched uniforms with the Browns! |
