FIYA NFL Rankings
**Week 4** |
Rank |
Team |
FIYA Analysis |
1 |
Patriots
 |
Cowboys, Colts and maybe the Seahawks. Let's cut the crap, those are the only teams we want to see New England play. |
2 |
Colts
 |
How bad is this Marvin Harrison injury and more importantly, has he ever thought about using that Chapstick I sent him as a gift, last holiday season? |
3 |
Cowboys
 |
If you don't live in Texas or your name is Terrell you might not want to hear this, but Tony Romo is the NFC's offensive MVP, as of right now. |
4 |
Seattle
 |
Is it me or are they just cruising, right now? From the opening whistle it didn't seem like San Fran, who had swept them, last season, had a chance in Jenna, Louisiana of beating Seattle. |
5 |
Packers
 |
By now, I'm sure you've heard the Packers have won eight consecutive games, dating back to last year, which means half of nothing since the four this year are the only ones that mean shit. |
6 |
Steelers
 |
I know quite a few of you Steelers fans were wondering where to lay the blame for last Sunday's wack loss to the Cardinals and you need not look any further than your head coach…and his glasses. He swapped them ugly ass Gazelles for a pair of nice contemporary frames and his team got kicked in the ass. Look, Coach Tomlin, I understand I made fun of your glasses last week, but don't go and lose your job over some dumb joke I make about you, because:
a) whatever you do, I will find something else to make fun of
b) it's my job
c) I want you to ultimately succeed, brother |
7 |
Buccaneers
 |
If you happen to see a stream of frogs or lizards flying around don't worry, it's just the Apocalypse or something biblical going on. After all, Ike Hilliard did just had 114 yards receiving, last Sunday. |
8 |
Jaguars
 |
The gap between the NFL's really good teams and its average squads is about a gapping as the mouth and twat on a young Superhead in her pre-Bill Maher prime. |
9 |
Titans
 |
If anyone in Vince's circle is reading this, I plead of you to put a muzzle over this guy's mouth. He's saying things that he may think are making him sound stoic and profound, but trust, these same reporters nodding their heads in agreement with him now are going to fry him like beer battered fish as soon as he slips. |
10 |
Lions
 |
Jesus must really love Jon Kitna. He has blessed the guy with career revival in Detroit and a starring role on Fox's hit television show, Prison Break. |
11 |
Giants
 |
Speaking of J.C., right around the 11 minute mark of the third quarter of the Eagles game, Jesus hits me on my cell. Dude is laughing so hard, he can barely get it out, so I start laughing too, because his laugh is just infectious, ya know. He finally calms down enough to say, "Man, if you could see how scared your boy Derrick Thomas is right now, you'd pee on yourself." |
12 |
Bengals
 |
Anyone else notice the contrasting views between Emmitt Smith and Ron Jaworski about the argument between Carson Palmer and Chad Johnson? If you missed it, can you guess who was covering for who? |
13 |
Bears
 |
Yes, the Chicago QB situation is a mess, but their problems began when they traded Thomas Jones. There's no way you can justify Griese or any other QB having to throw the ball 52 times against the Lions. No running away from this dilemma. |
14 |
Broncos
 |
Their corners locked the Colts down, and they still gave up 38 points, which leads myself and anyone else with a brain to believe that their defensive line and linebackers stink. |
15 |
Browns
 |
It's funny how terrible offenses just pop up one day and start dropping points on people's heads like sick city pigeons. This is starting to look a lot like Indy's offense when they turned it around. |
16 |
Ravens
 |
Word out of Baltimore is that assistant QB's coach Jedd Fisch has put in a special request to The Wizard for some magic oil to relieve Steve McNair of his squeaky wheels. During a third quarter scramble against Cleveland, last Sunday, Steve turned the corner on a defender causing a screech that caused a whale at Sea World in Orlando to murder his handler. |
17 |
Redskins
 |
With this week's signing of Keenan McCardell, the Energy Department has been put on Code Orange alert as they prepare for the worst. Officials fear that with Steve McNair, right up the B.W. Parkway, if he and Keenan attempt to comb their nappy ass heads at the same time, the Eastern seaboard could experience a power outage. |
18 |
Panthers
 |
I need a favor from anyone near a basketball court in the state of North Carolina; check and see if Julius Peppers is playing there…no, you don't have to check the football fields, he hasn't been spotted on one of those, all season. |
19 |
Cardinals
 |
It might not seem like a big deal after the fact, but finishing the game strong against Pittsburgh after taking that big hit was the biggest moment in Leinart's career. He's not out of Damnation yet, because Satan's favorite son is waiting in the wings, but it was a step in the right direction. |
20 |
Texans
 |
"If I knew all I had to do to succeed at wide out in Houston was change my first name to Andre, I would have gladly done that." - Jabar Gaffney |
21 |
49ers
 |
|
22 |
Eagles
 |
Did Winston Justice fuck Andy Reid's wife? Is he the guy that set Andy's kids up with the dope? Did he attempt to snatch that Chick-o-Stick off his top lip? There's got to be some reason as to why Reid didn't give Winston any help while Osi was emasculating the him. |
23 |
Chiefs
 |
Me thinks I should wait another week before I go on my, "Oh, who the fuck is Dwayne Bowe?!!" rant. I just feel like I owe more to Lee Evans than to just go in on this so prematurely. |
24 |
Raiders
 |
Pep pointing to his knee after each of his three rushing TD's is the best celebration in the league, this year. Hands down. What a spiteful nigga. Wonderful. |
25 |
Chargers
 |
Eli is playing better than Phillip despite having Derrick Ward and not LT. Let's talk about it. |
26 |
Vikings
 |
Before the Green Bay game, Kelly Holcomb told an official that he'd been in the league 11 years. So, it came as no surprise to me that when Kelly pled his case to the zebras about the obvious pass interference call that cost the Vikings a chance to tie the game, they dismissed him and his claims. |
27 |
Bills
 |
Who's the moron that scheduled the Bills to play Dallas, next Monday night? This game is going to be as about as exciting as a visit to the local botanical garden. I'm pretty sure this match-up looked just as bad in June as it does right now. |
28 |
Jets
 |
It seems no one is prospering too much from that Thomas Jones trade. |
29 |
Falcons
 |
Why is Joey Harrington wasting everyone's time? This is fools gold and you know it. |
30 |
Saints
 |
If they lose to Carolina, next week, they're going to 32 and I don’t care if the two teams below them lose by 50. |
31 |
Rams
 |
When I asked him to comment on Isaac Bruce's guaranteed win against the Cowboys, a nervous Rasheed Wallace grabbed the nearest white person and hugged him. Seeing the utter shock on my face, Roscoe began smiling while the white guy shit himself…I never got an answer. Sorry I dropped the ball, guys, but that totally caught me off guard. |
32 |
Dolphins
 |
And South Floridians thought the storm before the game was bad. |
