FIYA NFL Rankings
**Week 3** |
Rank |
Team |
FIYA Analysis |
1 |
Patriots
 |
Tell the truth, when that first quarter ticker popped up and they were down 7-3 to the Bills, you thought some intern typed in the wrong score. |
2 |
Colts
 |
The Texans game was a lot closer than it should have been without Andre Johnson playing, but fuck all that, did you see that aerial maneuver Joseph Addai pulled off? Holy shit! It looked like it should have been followed by a shoryuken and score for the round. |
3 |
Cowboys
 |
Good enough win to justify their high ranking now, bitch and moaners? Anyway, I'll leave you with Emmitt and his Fiya Quotable of the week: "You can not change the stripes of a leopard." |
4 |
Steelers
 |
What kind of glasses does Coach Tomlin wear? Them shits look like a cross between Versace shades and EK's. Billy King has to be outraged. |
5 |
Packers
 |
There's no way in hell they can keep this up without a running game. That old man's arm will fall off the side of his pickup at a stop light in November. |
6 |
Ravens
 |
So McNair gets the win and Boller, the save, right? |
7 |
Seattle
 |
Provided Jesus can keep Shaun healthy into January, they have a good chance to be in the NFC Championship game. |
8 |
Panthers
 |
As Jake Delhomme went down and the Panthers-Falcons match up turned into Carr v. Harrington duel, somewhere, a suddenly stillborn baby laid motionless. |
9 |
Bears
 |
To all those that laughed at my newly proposed Chicago game plan, last week, look no further than a second quarter Bears drive starting on their own 18 yard-line and ending on their seven. That first down punt would have given the defense better field position...of course you scrap the whole deal with Griese in there. |
10 |
Chargers
 |
I would have given the last bite of my honey BBQ wing to see Marty's small ass teeth grinning on his couch at the end of that Packers game. You know they were small, yellow and showing…speaking of yellow, why was Ladanian dressed in Leprechaun yellow and green after the game? |
11 |
Bengals
 |
Rudi Johnson averaged a 0.5 yard on 17 carries. That average is shittier than the scene from Mr. Mom when Keaton fed the kid chili. |
12 |
Jaguars
 |
Finally! They ran the ball effectively. Niggas always late with some shit. Reminds me of this guy at my old job waiting for a fax. It was taking forever for it to come through and some dude wearing a bad suit commented, "Don't worry, it always takes a 'Brother' a little longer." Don't worry, he was black, so it was funny. |
13 |
Broncos
 |
I don't know about you, but I'm glad they finally lost. I was getting tired of keeping them in the top ten with those shaky ass wins. |
14 |
Titans
 |
Goddamn, Keith Bullock was pressed for the ball, Monday. He has surpassed Dexter Coakley as the top little neck muhfuckka pressed for the ball. Look, he just pick off another one! |
15 |
49ers
 |
Alright, I see how this works: shut down Gore and expose the 9ers offense like Britney's snatch. |
16 |
Texans
 |
Nothing stands out on this team (especially this week with Johnson out), yet they put themselves in position to win every week. They may be closer than we all think. |
17 |
Eagles
 |
Wanna know what the best part about McNabb's performance was? All of the stories the white writers had to scramble to piece together on Sunday night. You know they had their shit written since Wednesday when that 'CISM trail caught Fiya. Then after the first 15 minutes of the Lions game, them shits got sent to the recycle bin with their gay porn. |
18 |
Giants
 |
The comeback in Washington may have saved their season. If nothing else, it saved them from the wrath of Tiki for another week. |
19 |
Redskins
 |
You can't give all the blame to Quarterback Eric La Salle. The second half play calling was the worst since Notre Dame's on Saturday. |
20 |
Buccaneers
 |
|
21 |
Lions
 |
Like most muggings, Detroit's defense was simply in the wrong place at the wrong time, against Philly. |
22 |
Cardinals
 |
Funny, I was just talking about contracts with the Devil, last week, and guess who shows up on Sunday? Good to see you, Kurt. |
23 |
Jets
 |
The Soldier Field grass crew sent a letter of condolence to the crew at The Meadowlands as they now have to reconstruct what's left of the grass after each Thomas Jones home game. |
24 |
Raiders
 |
It's no coincidence Pep got in and they got that win. NOOOOPE. |
25 |
Browns
 |
Arson's Fiya Observation Of The Week: Last Friday, I saw Kima from The Wire at a club downtown. As Crank Dat Soulja Boy blared from the speaker system, I was totally oblivious, blocking the music and everything else out as I flashed back to Kima's Season Three finale scene clutching the back of some fine special chocolate sister. Then, as she walked towards me and noticed I was hawking her, she bluntly asked what the fuck I was looking at, to which I replied, "YOUUUUUUUUUUUUULLLL!"...no, but really, I did see her on Friday. |
26 |
Chiefs
 |
I know Larry Johnson is glad he got his money, because it can't be much fun having to earn every single yard on game day. |
27 |
Vikings
 |
How did Adrian Peterson fall this far? Anyway, him and Marshawn Lynch look to be the class of this year's running back crop. |
28 |
Saints
 |
I've got good news and bad news, New Orleans fans: The bad news is Deuce looks to be out for the year…the good news is I saved a fortune on insurance going with Geico.
Don't lie, you didn't see it coming. |
29 |
Rams
 |
Jeff Wilkins is still kicking in St. Louis? Good Lord, he's been there long enough for him and his kids to run for public office. |
30 |
Dolphins
 |
Ronnie Brown did all he could against the Jets, but that old ass defense just couldn't hold the friggin Jets. |
31 |
Falcons
 |
I'm not saying DeAngelo Hall is the best corner in the league or anything, but despite him melting down on one drive, gift wrapping a touchdown to Carolina in the form of penalties, he did otherwise hold Steve Smith to one catch for ten yards. Atlanta's problems run a lot deeper than him. |
32 |
Bills
 |
Quick note to white people: In case you didn't get the message, black folks don't care about OJ or anything he does any more. We got our win. Have fun. |
