FIYA '08 NFL
**PLAYOFF PREVIEW EDITION** |
Rank |
Team |
FIYA Analysis |
|
Strength: Offense, Composure
Weakness: Linebackers |
1 |
Patriots
 |
If they lose, this undefeated shit will be the biggest joke in sports history, pushing Mercury Morris to number two. The only two things outside of weather that can stop them is a superhuman pass rush to fluster Brady or a great TE or slot guy catching those old ass linebackers in lopsided match-ups...probably a combination of the two, as well as prayer. |
|
Strength: Defense, QB
Weakness: Running Game, Timing |
2 |
Colts
 |
Starting with their total domination of the Saints on opening night, Indy's defense has been stellar, all season. With the exception of a Patriots rematch, Freeney won't be missed too much as long as Bob Sanders is roaming around. I guess the biggest question is whether the return of Marvin Harrison will fuck up the offense. This team can't withstand a second below average post season by Manning (oh, we noticed). |
|
Strength: Defense, Running Game
Weakness: Receivers |
3 |
Jaguars
 |
I said from the outset that the running game would have to carry them and while largely true, Garrard has made his Coach look like a genius for naming him Jacksonville's starter. It's hard to beat a mistake-free QB with a running game and hole-free defense. They should come out of Pittsburgh with a win, at the very least. |
|
Strength: Defense, Favre-isms
Weakness: Favre-isms |
4 |
Packers
 |
Will he try to do too much? It all comes down to whether old man scruff will try to throw one of those bullets into traffic off his back foot across his body, instead of throwing the ball away a couple of times, enabling his defense a chance to win a game at Lambeau this millennium. |
|
Strength: Defense, QB
Weakness: Lingering Injuries, Mount T.O. |
5 |
Cowboys
 |
The injuries to Romo and T.O. and the recently inserted Terry Glenn are all things the Cowboys should worry about. The post season is no time to be tryna work kinks out. Ware and his group will have to control the line of scrimmage if the offense is sputtering like it has been in recent weeks. Clearly though, T.O. is the wildcard; if he's not fed early and often, there's always a chance that he will blow the fuck up and ruin everything. Well, at least that's what Jessica Simpson told me. |
|
Strength: Running Game, Receivers
Weakness: Coaching, Camaraderie |
6 |
Chargers
 |
Chris Chambers was a brilliant move, but will Norv fuck it up and have him throwing WR options to a lineman? He gets too fancy at times and he's known for quickly losing respect from his teams by doing dumb shit. Fuck all that though, I wanna see if Ladanian shoots Rivers another one of them Death Blow stares after he throws a pick. |
|
Strength: Passing Game
Weakness: Running Game |
7 |
Seahawks
 |
They do everything else so-so, but with Engram having his break-out season in his 12th year and Alexander and the running game having somewhat of a resurgence down the stretch (not a complete return like some have exaggerated), Seattle, especially at home is a dangerous team. |
|
Strength: Running Game, Defensive Line
Weakness: QB, Secondary |
8 |
Giants
 |
It's almost as if the Giants can insert any RB into a game and have a productive rushing attack. Eli benefits from it, as well, as evidenced by his play-action numbers compared to his drop back numbers. I think the key to their post-season though is their secondary. Unless their defensive line just has one of those extraordinary games they will have to defend some pretty good passing teams and be disciplined when doing so. |
|
Strength: Offense
Weakness: Consistency |
9 |
Redskins
 |
The Skins' whole offense is clicking right now behind Collins and moreover by the man behind him, Clinton Portis. After all the smoke has settled, Joe Gibbs is working with what he's always succeeded with: a solid defense, good running game and hot QB. Smoot and Springs are currently playing lights out, but they're gamblers so teams will have opportunities for big plays against them. If Moss is truly over his dropsy's, who knows what could happen. |
|
Strength: Defense, QB Play
Weakness: Running Game, Consistency |
10 |
Steelers
 |
Who knows which Pittsburgh team is going to show up, but one thing is certain; it won't be one with Willie Parker. Maybe if it happened earlier and they had time to adjust I could see them getting over such a devastating injury, but that shit just hit them like a paternity suit from a chick you hadn't seen in three years. |
|
Strength: Pass Defense
Weakness: Running Game |
11 |
Buccaneers
 |
Is Jeff Garcia healthy enough to play like Jeff Garcia or will he be a ghost of his former self out there tryna be a hero like Jerry Garcia in Half Baked? Earnest Graham has had a nice year, but until he does it in the playoffs, I'm not a believer. |
|
Strength: Defense, QB 'tangibles
Weakness: Receiver |
12 |
Titans
 |
|
OH, IF YOU'RE INTERESTED -- THE REST |
13 |
Browns
 |
That robbery in 'Zona a month ago sticks out as we all knew it would. I think Romeo is my Coach Of The Year after witnessing how he's taken this team from a bunch of Brown spots to one of the most exciting teams in the league. This off-season is a loaded land mine though; if they trade Anderson, they better know what they're doing and get something valuable in return. QB's are anything but sure, so when you have one, I say stick with him. |
14 |
Eagles
 |
I don't think many people will argue if you crowned Philly the most dangerous team that didn't make the post season. They looked better down the stretch than any other team, arguably in the NFC. Problem is they played like shit up until then. I think it's time to let McNabb go, too. The fans don't appreciate him and it just seems like a good time, considering he's gone through the full year post surgery that I say every athlete has to endure to trust their wheels again. Hopefully, Lurie lets him go now and not in two years when he's in McNair shape. Trade him to--- |
15 |
Bears
 |
---Chicago. They need a QB worse than I needed that Alka-Seltzer Plus and an hour in the sauna on New Years morning. Aside from the occasional lucky jump ball to Hester, this offense is shakier than my stomach was. If they trade for McNabb, then beg the Jets for Thomas Jones, they're in business. |
16 |
Saints
 |
You don't wife a brawd Brandy's little brother beasted, Reggie. I know she's loaded, but we all saw dude drop a load on her back. If true, this is almost as disturbing as the Saints making my Super Bowl prediction look like ass. |
17 |
Cardinals
 |
|
18 |
Lions
 |
Had it not been for Kitna's ten win proclamation, Detroit would have looked like a team headed in the right direction, which they are, BUT 7-9 is still a shitty 7-9. They need a real running game. Two one-hundred yard games between two different backs, over 16 games is unacceptable. |
19 |
Panthers
 |
Feel that draft? No? It's because the window has closed. |
20 |
Vikings
 |
After a hot streak, Minne was really exposed, the last few weeks, as a good running team that didn't have shit else on offense. I'm not sure if I go into next season with Tom Jackson's cousin as my only option at QB. |
21 |
Bengals
 |
Pack your bags Marvin, Carson put you out there. And when a white QB from USC puts you, the black coach out there, it's all but a done deal. |
22 |
49ers
 |
Everyone hates Frisco, not because they suck and not even because their biggest export is faggotry, but because that eighth pick is going to New England. |
23 |
Bills
 |
It looks like the Bills have found their QB and certainly their RB of the future. One of Bill Walsh's last co-signs was of Edwards to Levy. At worst he seems like an upgrade from Losman, and Lynch is a stud. |
24 |
Texans
 |
Houston's defensive rank isn't very good, but their offense was inconsistent all year (not one 100-yard game rushing). Mario Williams and DeMeco Ryans are growing into a dangerous tandem. |
25 |
Broncos
 |
Like I said, it seems like a good time for Shanahan to leave. He's looking like Pat Riley, right now. |
26 |
Raiders
 |
Russell's last game has left this franchise with hope. I'll just leave it at that. |
27 |
Jets
 |
If we're looking at the glass half full, since they'll be playing another late 20-something schedule, the Jets should be in prime position to overachieve and get ass-stomped out of the first round, next year. |
28 |
Ravens
 |
It was Billick's time as it is for every QB not named Troy Smith on that roster. |
29 |
Falcons
 |
Jason Garrett would be a step in the right direction. Something this team hasn't had since Jerry Glanville made Elvis an honorary season ticket holder. |
30 |
Rams
 |
Hmmm, Derek Anderson wouldn't look so bad here, but nahhh, they need some damn defense. |
31 |
Chiefs
 |
After losing their last nine games, don't be surprised when HBO has difficulties finding a team for their Hard Knocks training camp series, next summer. This could be the next Madden Curse. |
32 |
Dolphins
 |
Miami has some big decisions to make this off-season; Is John Beck their guy? Do you look for a replacement for Ronnie Brown? Is Mercury Morris going to be erased from the Dolphins record books after he pulls a pistol out at the Super Bowl? Lots of decisions for Tuna and his crew to make. |
