FIYA NFL
Rankings
**Week 16** |
Rank |
Team |
FIYA Analysis |
1 |
Patriots
 |
Arson called it in week two. I gave birth to all of you. Cry about it. |
2 |
Colts
 |
The number three defense in the league. I guess last post season wasn't a fluke. Credit Dungy. |
3 |
Cowboys
 |
It's really too bad the Packers threw up on themselves and didn't make the Skins-Cowboys game mean more. |
4 |
Jaguars
 |
I don't know why everyone else has hated Fred Taylor so much over the years, but personally, my hate stemmed from some moron back in the 90's telling me Fred was better than Barry Sanders. I've since let that idiot's wrong ass opinion go and can now appreciate gold tooth Fred and his play. |
5 |
Chargers
 |
I'm sending Marty an iChat request during the Chargers' first playoff game just so I can see them little ass teeth show up when they lose. |
6 |
Packers
 |
Favre is rounding back into recent post season form, I see. |
7 |
Seahawks
 |
Engram, Burleson and Branch are like a poor man's Three Amigos. Take that how ever you want. |
8 |
Giants
 |
LMAO, Coughlin don't care about that record. He's gonna rest his players. The state of Florida hates him, HAHAHAHAHAHHAHA! |
9 |
Steelers
 |
Willie's broken leg abruptly put Pittsburgh's post season plans in park. |
10 |
Titans
 |
When asked by reporters surrounding his locker to reveal the inspiration for his stellar play this season, Albert Haynesworth turned on his Kirk Franklin Stomp CD and walked away. |
11 |
Redskins
 |
I know no one wants to talk about it, but Todd Collins is making Jason Campbell look useless. |
12 |
Browns
 |
Derek Anderson has one bad game and everybody is all over him like a Merril Hoge suit. I just don't get it. |
13 |
Vikings
 |
Minne wasted a good month and a half of football quicker than black people waste economy size bottles of ketchup. |
14 |
Buccaneers
 |
Tampa's running game has to improve if they want to make it out of the first round, this post season. |
15 |
Eagles
 |
McNabb & Westbrook: The Last of the Mohicans |
16 |
Saints
 |
Here's an obvious ass revelation: LenDale White is better than Reggie Bush. |
17 |
Cardinals
 |
I wonder what Kurt had to put up for his two and a half hour contract with Satan, last Sunday. Him and his wife's Flowbee, perhaps? |
18 |
Lions
 |
Ehhh, the ran out of gas, but they're going in the right direction. |
19 |
Bears
 |
Finding out that was Urlacher's first defensive TD score was almost as surprising as finding out how little he has to pay for child support. |
20 |
Panthers
 |
Did this whole team take the year off? They haven't done anything worth talking about... |
21 |
Bengals
 |
...them either. |
22 |
49ers
 |
I know it's only been three weeks, but Shaun Hill has a 101.3 passer rating. Alex Smith would grab that in his little ass hands and run with it. |
23 |
Texans
 |
Sitting around a friend's house I recently read an old Essence article Will Demps wrote, chronicling his "past" man-whoring ways in the league. He said he used his status to have sex with women. It was mind-blowing, to say the least. I mean, who woulda thought that a pro athlete would ever stunt to get some ass? |
24 |
Bills
 |
After scoring the first 14 points against the Giants, Buffalo remembered they had no chance in hell of making the playoffs and began to crumble like my sister's flaky ass Christmas butter cookies. |
25 |
Broncos
 |
Jay Cutler, welcome to Jake's world, next season when your club drafts another QB. |
26 |
Raiders
 |
That was the most blatant attempt to get kicked out of a game since Billy Cole shot that Bears safety in The Last Boy Scout. You should be ashamed of yourself, Warren. |
27 |
Rams
 |
|
28 |
Chiefs
 |
You can talk that Witten/Gates shit if you want to, but Gonzo gets his with the weakest offensive talent around him. |
29 |
Falcons
 |
What sober/clean black woman names their son, Roddy? |
30 |
Jets
 |
Chad Pennington's cranium to arm strength ratio is fucking horrible. I've never seen a non midget with such a big ass head not be able to throw a football any substantial distance. |
31 |
Dolphins
 |
Ok, I'm worried. Mercury Morris was last spotted renting the movie Assassins and Xbox 360 game Assassins Creed from his local Blockbuster over two weeks ago. He hasn't been seen since. |
32 |
Ravens
 |
Is Mike Anderson African, cause that nigga got cheese eyes, too. |
