FIYA NFL
Rankings
**Week 15** |
Rank |
Team |
FIYA Analysis |
1 |
Patriots
 |
Cold weather running game, check. |
2 |
Colts
 |
Hey, let's just ignore Indy struggling against the Raiders and instead focus on the Pats, their perfect record and how they look human at times. |
3 |
Cowboys
 |
It's no secret that I think T.O. is a vagina with shoulder pads, but good grief, that game was neither his nor Chicken of the Sea-Simpson's fault. Romo and his big ass thumb lost that game. |
4 |
Packers
 |
I know they're trying to grab home field advantage, but seriously, they need to rest Woodson if they have any hopes of covering T.O. then maybe Moss. He's getting more nicks by the week than if Chris Jackson was his barber. |
5 |
Jaguars
 |
I was almost more surprised that Garrard threw another pick than the Dolphins got a win. I didn't see that coming, at all. |
6 |
Browns
 |
There was better visibility at night in I Am Legend than there was on that field in Cleveland. Don't ask me a thing about it. |
7 |
Chargers
 |
Few things entertain me more than seeing Darren Sproles run real fast on them short legs. Every time I see it I think about Hank Hill's father with speed. |
8 |
Seahawks
 |
To everyone that didn't get the jab, last week, I referred to Matt as Elizabeth's husband, not because I didn't know she's really married to Tim, but because nobody gives a fuck about either of those dudes. Sorry, I'll try to dumb it down a bit more for you guys in the future. (clearly, I'm lying) |
9 |
Buccaneers
 |
Ronde's wife is Asian too. Them niggas really are twins. |
10 |
Steelers
 |
Pittsburgh looks solid on paper, but they're just not creating any big plays. You can't grind for everything against good teams and expect to win. |
11 |
Vikings
 |
Adrian Peterson has officially made Arson's "Every time he touches the ball I delay that bite, sip and side conversation because I think he's gonna score list" at RB. He joins the G.O.A.T. Barry Sanders and Marshall Faulk. Congrats, young fella. |
12 |
Giants
 |
New York has sent a petition in to Commissioner Goodell to change the yards to go mark from ten to nine. If passed, it should alleviate their dilemma of never being able to obtain a first down. |
13 |
Titans
 |
Vince got them YMCA'ers sitting at 8-6. WE should talk about it. |
14 |
Saints
 |
Sipping a tropical blue mixed drink on the beach with Bria Miles sitting across from him, Reggie Bush ignored reporters who asked him if he felt Aaron Stecker's recent efforts made him feel insecure. |
15 |
Eagles
 |
I don't have Brian Westbrook on my fantasy team, so I don't give a shit, but let me tell you, if I did have him, I would have flipped out like Michael Rapaport after Omar Epps punked him in Higher Learning if he had cost me some money with that dumb-smart shit. |
16 |
Redskins
 |
Smoot gets fucked up every week only to come back and make plays when they matter. That boy is gonna be sitting in his Phantom eating one his energy bars through a tube in 12 years. |
17 |
Texans
 |
|
18 |
Cardinals
 |
Sitting at a table adjacent to Reggie and Bria (*see #14) was Matt Leinart and Mandy Moore. |
19 |
Lions
 |
For whatever reason, they get their asses kicked every few weeks. Maybe it's to remind them that they're the Lions, I dunno. Let's see if they bounce back from this one. |
20 |
Bills
 |
Any time the weather is bad enough to prevent Lee Evans from doing something extraordinary, then you know it was bad. |
21 |
Panthers
 |
Fun Fiya Fact: Panthers QB nobody in the world knows, Matt Moore hails from Van Nuys, CA. I wonder if his parents ever rented their house out for a Vivid porn shoot. |
22 |
Bears
 |
If anyone deserves a bonus this year its Bears punter Brad Maynard. |
23 |
Broncos
 |
Can a coach that has won two Super Bowls get a spot on a hot seat? |
24 |
Bengals
 |
|
25 |
49ers
 |
Arson's Fiya Advice Of The Week: If you are over the age of 25, stop wearing those Christmas hats with the built on antlers and bells. You look stupid and it's annoying, so stop it you grown ass adult |
26 |
Raiders
 |
Sebastian Janikowski strikes me as the type of guy that secretly uses a third of his salary to run Polish whore-houses here in the states. |
27 |
Rams
 |
Can't we bend the rules and let Steven Jackson play a season with the injuries off? |
28 |
Chiefs
 |
Eddie Drummond is only 5'9, so you know he was a short kid growing up. I wonder if he had to deal with a lot of Diff'rent Stokes jokes. Hey, how come there's an apostrophe in between that f & r. You know, FiyaStarter loves that 'postrophe, but that's way dumber than how we spell anything here. |
29 |
Falcons
 |
Lost in Eli Manning's piece of shit game was Chris Redman's 4/15 for 34 yards and 2 picks. Craptastic! |
30 |
Jets
 |
If things weren't bad enough for Jets fans, it seems Chad Pennington has been given a second leash with which to hang them with. |
31 |
Dolphins
 |
Disappointing…the win, I mean. |
32 |
Ravens
 |
Around mid first quarter I got this bad feeling that Baltimore was going to choke away my dream of a winless Dolphins season. In an afraid and angry panic, I text messaged my best friend, who just happens to be a Ravens fan and told him if Crackmore lost to Miami: "OUR FRIENDSHIP IS OVER!"
I haven't talked to him since, by the way. |
