FIYA NFL
Rankings
**Week 14** |
Rank |
Team |
FIYA Analysis |
1 |
Patriots
 |
I haven't seen such a frenzy caused by a professional athlete's wardrobe since Kobe wore those jerseys to the games during the 2002 Finals against the Nets. Some nerd on ESPN actually said he wanted to see what kind of pants Brady had on so he could judge the whole outfit. teh ghey. |
2 |
Cowboys
 |
Jason Witten must have a stealth device sewn on to his Under Armour. He's always open. |
3 |
Colts
 |
Anthony Gonzalez stepped up against the Ravens, but he still looks like the kind monster from The Goonies. |
4 |
Packers
 |
With the emergence of Ryan Grant, the Pack has no visible weakness aside from the fact they can't beat Dallas. |
5 |
Jaguars
 |
Apparently Fred Taylor wants in on that Cocoon: Rebirth project with Joey Galloway. |
6 |
Seahawks
 |
I don't care how many touchdowns Elizabeth's husband throws for, without Alexander producing on the ground, they are getting booted first round. |
7 |
Steelers
 |
So much for "The Blueprint." They will not lose... |
8 |
Giants
 |
I've often referred to Plax as a dufus, but I would be a complete asshole if I didn't acknowledge how much heart he's playing with out there. His ankle is probably larger than an old man's prostate *no Karamo*, right now. |
9 |
Browns
 |
LMAO, Derek still ain't fuckin up! Quinn is never getting in, hahahahaha. Look, he's Jim Sorgi'n that clipboard up. |
10 |
Chargers
 |
I don't care what anyone says, that Ladanian L.O.D. (Look Of Disgust) included Rivers' wife and kids.
*
Top 10 L.O.D. all-time, by the way. |
11 |
Buccaneers
 |
|
12 |
Vikings
 |
Tarvaris Jackson is black, he's country and he's leading the hottest team outside of Chowderland. Strangely, no one wants to talk about it. |
13 |
Titans
 |
But, they're quick to bring up Vince and them receivers from the YMCA he has to throw to. Real "subjective" journalism there, guys. |
14 |
Lions
 |
In case you haven't experienced it yet, be forewarned:
A Jon Kitna close up + HD = visual pergatory. |
15 |
Saints
 |
No way they win the NFC South and make the playoffs, right? |
16 |
Cardinals
 |
Find a picture of 'Zona wideout Jerheme Urban and tell me he isn't the whitest player in the league. |
17 |
Bills
 |
Freddie Jackson was asked where he planned to dine in celebration of his second career game in as many weeks to which he replied, "You didn’t see me out there, the Dolphins were my Main Course." Awwwww yeah (I got enough to get me all the way to the Super Bowl if need be.) |
18 |
Redskins
 |
I missed DC sportstalk radio this week, anybody know if Brian Mitchell avoided talking about how good Todd Collins looked? He hates him. I know it had to be hard watching that guy look like Montana. |
19 |
Broncos
 |
"Brandon Marshall is the best young receiver no one knows." You called it Brandon Stokley. Props to you. |
20 |
Eagles
 |
DOIIIINK! |
21 |
Texans
 |
Somebody spin the Hanukkah dradle, Sage Rosenfels threw for three TD's. |
22 |
Bears
 |
This team couldn't run a command on DOS. Trading Thomas Jones looks more and more asinine by the millisecond. |
23 |
Bengals
 |
Carson Palmer's line against the Rams:
21/29 189 6.5 0 2…how efficiently ineffective. |
24 |
Panthers
 |
Is John Fox on the hotseat? He should be. This is two piece of shit season's in a row. |
25 |
Oakland
 |
Robert Gallery is a bigger bust than Lonnie Anderson's last silicone job. |
26 |
Rams
 |
Brock Berlin. Still think that would be a great alias for a superhero. |
27 |
Chiefs
 |
Arson's Fiya Nomination Of The Week: I'm nominating Floyd Mayweather Jr. for a Nobel Peace Prize. Hearing the boos before the Hatton fight turn to cheers post asswhooping as Floyd embraced Ricky was the best thing in sports race relations since Rocky IV. If Roger Mayweather had grabbed the mic and mumbled, "If I'se can chain...am you cam chain...ayebody can chain!" I would have cried, without a doubt. |
28 |
49ers
 |
Arson's Fiya *Bonus* Of The Week: Another thing about that fight, those British fans booing during the National Anthem was tasteless. If they were black, they would have all been labeled disrespectful thugs possessed by the holy ghost of Hip-Hop. Instead, they got the "passionate" tag/pass. Code word, anyone? |
29 |
Falcons
 |
Can you really blame Petrino? Well, I can. If Cilla Cam Cameron hasn't bailed yet, then Bobby has no grounds to do so...In other news, 23 months?
This country's legal system disgusts me. *No Orenthal* |
30 |
Ravens
 |
They better not screw it up and lose to the Dolphins. That winless season is important to us hateful people. |
31 |
Jets
 |
I fully expect the Pats to score Tark-UNLV Payin' Rebels numbers on them. |
32 |
Dolphins
 |
Please God, keep Mercury Morris off TV, this week. |
