Key Player(s) acquired: JaMarcus Russell - QB, Zach Miller - TE, Michael Bush - RB

Wonderful draft until they traded Moss. I mean, you draft the second coming of Pro-Bowl era Pep, then you subtract Moss from the equation. That shit is like He-Man throwing the Scorseress that sword talkin bout, "Thanks, but no thanks, I can kick Beast-Man and them's ass without this."

Key Player(s) acquired: Calvin Johnson - WR, Drew Stanton - QB

I'm giving Millen an A, just because he had nuts to make the pick every other team in this and the bizarro would have made. Stanton falling right into his lap just validated the first pick.

Key Player(s) acquired: Joe Thomas - OT, Brady Quinn - QB, Eric Wright

That C minus could be an A if a) Joe Thomas stops fishing, b) Brady Quinn beats a team that isn't a service academy and c) Eric Wright doesn't rape any more women.

Key Player(s) acquired: Gaines Adams - DE, Arron Sears - OT

Tampa getting back to defense is fine and all, but how long do they expect Joey to carry that receiving corp?

Key Player(s) acquired: Levi Brown - OT, Alan Branch - DT

I usually don't believe in taking fat guys that block on the line this high, but seeing as though the Cards haven't had a decent running game since Gene Hackman made a good movie, this was a good pick...unless he stinks.

Key Player(s) acquired: LaRon Landry - FS

Great pick for the secondary. They'll need it once opposing offenses get past that piece of shit defensive line they haven't improved.

Key Player(s) acquired: Adrian Peterson - RB

Peterson will challenge for Offensive Rookie of the Year, while Sidney Rice will wonder with the rest of us, why he was picked so high.

Key Player(s) acquired: Jamaal Anderson - DE, Justin Blaylock - OT

A lot of potential in Atlanta's draft. So much potential, in fact, it still can't turn on a light switch.

Key Player(s) acquired: Ted Ginn Jr. - WR, John Beck - QB

Ted Ginn is hurt right now, so how will he stay healthy when Sean Taylor sizes him up, over the midd---GODDAMN, John Beck is 26 years old. Chris Weinke lives!

Key Player(s) acquired: Amobi Okoye - DT

Brace yourself, people. I'm giving them a B. That B is solely based upon Okoye and my theory that no African linemen is capable of being average.

Key Player(s) acquired: Patrick Willis - LB

Too many damn picks. If I tried to analyze all them shits, I'd go blind. The B+ sounds fair, right?

Key Player(s) acquired: Marshawn Lynch - RB, Trent Edwards - QB

Lynch is a versatile back, but the grade the Bills earned is based on them finally acknowledging Losman is not the answer. Whether Edwards is that replacement or not, I dunno or care, but the first step in solving a QB problem is drafting a new fucking QB.

Key Player(s) acquired: Adam Carriker - DE

The Rams have needed defense for how many years now? Well, they get some help on the line right away, but in Jonathan Wade, they get a corner that has been brought up to be anything but one. So, there will be a learning curve in the St. Louis defensive backfield. What else is new?

Key Player(s) acquired: Darrelle Revis - CB, David Harris - LB

Revis or Leon Hall? A toss up to many, but not to Mangini and as he's shaping up to be the drafting Zeke of New York football, you've just gotta believe.

Key Player(s) acquired: Lawrence Timmons - LB, LaMarr Woodley - DE

Woodley will wind up with six sacks or more and if he doesn't Timmons will make so many plays, it won't even matter. That defense is going to be serious.

Key Player(s) acquired: Justin Harrell - DT, Brandon Jackson - RB

Brandon Jackson is supposed to be the next Frank Gore. Only thing I want to know is if that's the Gore that broke his leg 15 times at Miami or the Gore that just had a break out year.

Key Player(s) acquired: Jarvis Moss - DE

Clearly, someone in the Denver org thought they needed pass rushers, because that's all they went after. Shit, with a secondary like that wouldn't you?

Key Player(s) acquired: Leon Hall - CB

Cinci gave up more points than a Sean Combs signed artist, last year. Hall was probably the biggest primetime corner in the draft. He should help, right away.

Key Player(s) acquired: Michael Griffen

As if the Madden curse wasn't enough, these moron's didn't even get Prince Vince a receiver until the third friggin round. Sweet mother of Marion Knight.

Key Player(s) acquired: Aaron Ross - CB, Steve Smith - WR

The G-Men had a very good draft, grabbing a much needed playmaking corner and receiver, then adding an athletic lineback---oh, wait, they didn't get an offensive lineman until what round? Well, that changes everything.

Key Player(s) acquired: Reggie Nelson - FS

They really needed a safety and a punter. Not so sure if they needed a linebacker from a I-AA school.

Key Player(s) acquired: Dwayne Bowe - WR, DeMarcus Tyler - DT

The Tank Tyler pick is like plutonium in regards to their grade. Let's hope Herm can get it through his thick head that neither he nor the Commish are playing with his ass.

Key Player(s) acquired: Brandon Meriweather - S

As if they even needed to draft anyone to get an A. That trade made the entire AFC drive to their nearest ASPCA and kick all newborn animals in their stomachs.

Key Player(s) acquired: Jon Beason - LB, Dwayne Jarrett - WR

If it's one thing Dwayne knows how to do, it's playing opposite Steve Smith. Keyshawn v.2, you're up---Oh yeah, I almost forgot, they got a linebacker too. Almost missed the little guy.

Key Player(s) acquired: Anthony Spencer - DE, Isaiah Stanback - QB

The best part about the draft for Dallas is that they've set themselves up to get Cleveland's #1 in '08. The Stanback pick triggered my Rock-eyebrow though. Is a certain newly hailed franchise QB worried?

Key Player(s) acquired: Robert Meachem - WR, Usama Young - CB

Did they need to go receiver at one? Anyway, with Young being drafted so high without a combine workout, the Saints brass better know something the rest of us don't.

Key Player(s) acquired: Ben Grubbs - G, Troy Smith - QB

With Thomas bolting to New England and Ray Ray getting balder by the day, they needed to go after a linebacker. I think they went after one too late.

Key Player(s) acquired: Craig Davis - WR

Daygo took a slot receiver after picking up Az Hakim, the king of slot receivers, just a minute ago. All the while, they still don't have a championship number one guy.

Key Player(s) acquired: Greg Olsen - TE, Garrett Wolfe - RB

I don't get why they went tight end when they already have one that gained over 600 yards, last year. I also don't get why they didn't even sniff a quarterback.

Key Player(s) acquired: Anthony Gonzalez - WR, Daymeion Hughes - CB

I like the moves at WR and CB since they lost players at those positions in the off-season, but the second round pick of a big ass track star that wants to play guard in the big boys league confuses me more than Jessica Simpson at a <Fill In The Blank> Convention.

Key Player(s) acquired: Kevin Kolb - QB, Victor Abiamiri

Wow, not only did they ignore their lack of playmaking down field with the departure of Stalworth, but big Andy just pimp slapped Donovan by drafting a QB that high.

Key Player(s) acquired: Josh Wilson - CB

Here's a question: How come every other DB that's drafted is capable of "helping in the return game," but almost never do? I mean no matter what team has these potential dangerous returners, you still see Chad Morton and Brian Kinchen running them kicks back, by week six.