FiyaStarter.com - Linwood Jenkins

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“I was gonna drive around
the corner and get a blow job.”
-Charles Barkley
Drunk ass political hopeful.

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--Standing 6-4, 220 pounds, Linwood was the star center for Mary McLeod Bethune High School in Bucktown, Alabama, a small community of approximately 250 African-Americans that is located right outside of Adulasia. According to the school’s official scorekeeper, Linwood’s uncle, Sylvester, Linwood averaged 76 points, 48 rebounds and 43 blocks, 34 steals and 2 assists a game during his senior season. “The boy just had a gift. People say he only dominated like he did because he was four inches taller than the next tallest kid, but that ain’t have nothing to do with it. He could stand still and dunk that ball from the free throw line. He shot 98% percent from the line because of that.” Sylvester adds that Linwood wasn’t selected to play in the 1982, where he would have faced Cheese Eyes McDonald’s All-American game “because of racism.”

NBA '08 FIYA Rankings - #8
by: Linwood Jenkins, for Sports

FIYA NBA Rankings #8
Rank	Team	FIYA Analysis
1	Lakers	Don't ever question why I had them ranked over the Celtics again.
2	Celtics	Don't ever question why I had them ranked below the Lakers again.
3	Cavs	If Danny Ferry can keep LeBron in Cleveland, he will go down as the greatest gay GM in history. And he likes going down. On men. Because he's gay.
4	Magic	They might as well start printing up those Redick Tel Aviv jerseys.
5	Nuggets	Chauncey Billups is a methodical, calculating, creepy ass player. He's like the basketball version of Dexter.
6	Rockets	The only thing that can help T-Mac right now is some True Blood. I don't think any other medication can fix him.
7	Blazers	What's with everyone hating on Greg Oden? By this time next year, he'll only be second to D12 as the best center in the league. Watch.
8	Hawks	Remember when Bibby was supposed to be done? Once again, people mistook him for Jason Kidd.
9	Pistons	Curry's bald dumb ass looks like he's figured it out with the AI/Stuck Dawg backcourt.
10	Suns	Nash's MVPs are the worst thing to ever happen to the NBA, because if Chris Paul don't win one in the next decade, that's all we're gonna hear about.
11	Jazz	Milsap tryna steal Booz's routine of pretending to be hurt and getting paid for it. You not built like Booz, Paul.
12	Mavs	Mavs look like they're getting it together.
13	Heat	Dwayne Wade had a chance to get some legitimate MVP chatter with a win over Bron in Cleveland. I guess he'll just have to settle for having an NBA title and Finals MVP.
14	Hornets	Should be way better than they are. You know Byron could get fired and the white media would act like he deserved it.
15	Spurs	Bruce Bowen's corner three will rank right up there with Kareem's hook and Jordan's fade away as the greatest signature shots in NBA history. And that's sad.
16	Nets	My source in Chinatown, China Fred, was able to get his hands Yi's birth certificate, and now I can reveal the truth: Yi is too damn old to be this sorry.
17	Pacers	Troy Murphy simply refuses to be sorry. Every year, he manages to be good. Amazing.
18	Raptors	Damn. What happened?
19	Bulls	Now that Rose has come down to Earth, maybe everyone will realize he's Deron to Mayo's Paul.
20	76ers	I just realized that Iggy is as good as he's ever going to be.
21	Knicks	Serious Joke of the Week (it's funny 'cause I'm serious): The Knicks can't afford to keep David Lee and Nate Robinson.
22	Bucks	I see Stern done cited the The White Man Act to get Joe Alexander into All-Star weekend.
23	Warriors	Jamal Crawford's career pretty much amounts to a hamster on a wheel.
24	Kings	Kevin Martin is letting down The Lightskin Movement.
25	Clippers	Fire him.
26	Grizzlies	Mayo prolly won't win ROY, but that don't mean he's not the best rookie.
27	Bobcats	Bob ain't gonna pay anyone else on that team, after he sees what Emeka and GW giving him for his money.
28	Timberwolves	Randy Foye might actually be on his way to living up to his pre-draft hype.
29	Thunder	Dem Urrea Boys are easily the best young frontcourt tandem in the galaxy.
30	Wizards	I know Gilbert loves playing and all, but there's no reason for him to come back this season. Just strengthen your knee Gil and come back ready, next year.

FiyaStarter's Top 10 Rookie Watch

OJ Mayo
(20.1 PPG 4.1 RPG): A week after playing well against D-Whistle,
OJ had a good game against the Mamba. That offsets his two stinkers.

Derrick Rose
(18.5 PPG 6.1 APG): A lot of people are pointing to OJ’s two 7-point games,
but Rose’s pair of 10-point efforts last week, didn’t exactly propel him to the top.

Marc Gasol
(10.8 PPG 6.8 RPG): 15-10 and four blocks against the Spurs aint nothing to laugh at--
especially at a guy who looks like he will kill you for no reason.

Russell Westbrook
(13.3 PPG 4.1 RPG): Please vote in Russell for the Dunk Contest, so we can
have some one little and entertaining to watch while Nate Robinson is
missing 15 dunks on the other end.

Michael Beasley
(13.2 PPG 4.9 RPG): Lord, please keep this boy out of an Ocean Drive
gutter in the wee-hours of the morning on New Year’s Day.

Rudy Fernandez
(10.7 PPG 3.1 RPG): That reverse Rudy threw up on Christmas night
was more beautiful than a Faberge Egg.

D.J. Augustine
(12.4 PPG 4.3 APG): Rough week. Apparently, he’s getting used to
playing for Bronze Brown.

Brook Lopez
(9.9 PPG 7.8 RPG): I predict that in approximately seven years, Brook
will still be active in the NBA…as part owner with some sort of investment group.

Greg Oden
(7.9 PPG 7.3 RPG): If he was coordinated he’d---oh God, I almost just made
one of those unrealistic statements I hate, like “What if Shaq made his freethrows?”

Marreese Speights
(7.6 PPG 3.8 RPG): I like his awkward looking as name almost
as much as his awkward ass game.