FiyaStarter.com - Linwood Jenkins

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“I was gonna drive around
the corner and get a blow job.”
-Charles Barkley
Drunk ass political hopeful.

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--Standing 6-4, 220 pounds, Linwood was the star center for Mary McLeod Bethune High School in Bucktown, Alabama, a small community of approximately 250 African-Americans that is located right outside of Adulasia. According to the school’s official scorekeeper, Linwood’s uncle, Sylvester, Linwood averaged 76 points, 48 rebounds and 43 blocks, 34 steals and 2 assists a game during his senior season. “The boy just had a gift. People say he only dominated like he did because he was four inches taller than the next tallest kid, but that ain’t have nothing to do with it. He could stand still and dunk that ball from the free throw line. He shot 98% percent from the line because of that.” Sylvester adds that Linwood wasn’t selected to play in the 1982, where he would have faced Cheese Eyes McDonald’s All-American game “because of racism.”

NBA '08 FIYA Rankings - #6
by: Linwood Jenkins, for Sports

FIYA NBA Rankings #6
Rank	Team	FIYA Analysis
1	Lakers	I'm starting to question Bynum's potential. I don't think he'll ever be a consistent 20-10 type.
2	Celtics	Just like I don't think Rondo will ever be a 17-9 type.
3	Cavs	You just know LeBron is gonna shatter the backboard one day.
4	Magic	I still can't believe they paid Lewis that much money to shoot corner jumpers.
5	Nuggets	There's no way you can deny that Billups is making Karl look competent.
6	Rockets	I thought Aaron Brooks would be a legit starter this year. I was wrong. His jumper isn't dependable.
7	Blazers	I'm sure Outlaw done called Batum "that French nigga" on a few occasions.
8	Hornets	Why doesn't Byron Scott get consistent mention as one of the Ls best coaches? He's better than D'Antoni.
9	Pistons	AI has the look of someone who just farted in a crowded elevator. Yeah, nigga, everyone knows it's you.
10	Suns	You know how I know this team old? Shaq and G Hill were talking about Trapper John, MD on the team bus.
11	Spurs	Ninja Team is most dangerous when no one is paying attention.
12	Jazz	BoozGotPaid: Okay, Okay.I'm coming back this week. Can't wait to go to Miami.
13	Heat	Gabrielle Union, huh? That explains it. D-Wade gotta maintain.
14	Hawks	Kevin Willis could help.
15	Raptors	Colangelo is a genius for firing Mitchell. That move was better than taking Bargnani over Aldridge.
16	Mavs	FrankenOwner, you've created a monster.
17	Bulls	Okay, Deng is out of his slump. Y'all can shut up now.
18	Nets	Do you think Vince has a big ass calendar with the trading deadline marked on it?
19	Pacers	This team makes you work hard as hell for a win.
20	Knicks	For the love of God, let Steph go. It's embarrassing. For everyone.
21	Bucks	Andrew Bogut averages perhaps the most worthless double-double in NBA history.
22	Warriors	Jamal Crawford is playing PG? The only way he's gonna get an assist is if his teammates jump on the ball as he's shooting it and go through the damn hoop still attached to the ball.
23	76ers	Well, atleast the Sixers brass didn't fire Cheeks on Christmas Eve like the Bulls did Skiles, last year. How could they be so heartless?
24	Timberwolves	People, please don't mistake not being a OJ Mayo with being a bust.
25	Kings	Kevin Martin is not doing his part for the PCP (Piss Colored People).
26	Clippers	It doesn't matter that Camby and Kaman can MAYBE play together. What matters is it looks bad. It's so damn ugly watching them play together. They could be having sex and it couldn't look worse.
27	Grizzlies	I know Warrick be looking at Arthur like, "Now, how the fuck are you so different from me?"
28	Bobcats	When Bob Johnson fires Cheese Wiz, he'll get much more hate from the media than Abe Polin did.
29	Thunder	Durant heard y'all hating.
30	Wizards	Catastrophe.

FiyaStarter's Top 10 Rookie Watch

OJ Mayo
(21.1 PPG 4.4 RPG): …and he’s getting it shooting an impressive 47% from the field.

Derrick Rose
(18.5 PPG 6.1 APG): A.I. yanking Cheese Eyes might have just been knocked down to second in the war of Philly vs. Chicago. Andre Miller got Der’rick roll’d.

Marc Gasol
(11.9 PPG 6.8 RPG): The Lakers could use his toughness on defense. He just made Tyson Chandler look like Adam Chandler.

Michael Beasley
(14.1 PPG 5.2 RPG): He seems uninterested at times on the floor. I told Riley he should have put more vaginal incentives in that contract.

Greg Oden
(7.8 PPG 7.7 RPG): Greg is the definition of a gentle giant. I hope he never gets in a fight because he’s liable to take a grown man’s life with that raw bamma strength.

Rudy Fernandez
(11.2 PPG 2.8 RPG): Didn’t hit a three against Boston, thus ending the most useless stat streak in the history of basketball.

Russell Westbrook
(11.6 PPG 3.4 RPG): Russell was a little late to America Airlines Arena in Miami on Saturday night. When asked if his tardiness was because of partying the night before Rus replied, “No, I was late because the lines were long at Home Depot. I wasn’t leaving without a shovel. I needed it for the hole I’m about to dig in Mario Chalmers ass tonight. Pause.”

Jason Thompson
(10.1 PPG 6.6 RPG): Trying to figure out why his time had gone down in recent games, Jason was quoted as saying, “All I did was ask Coach Theus if I could take his daughter to Vegas…I was gonna pay for everything the Maloofs did comp us.”

George Hill
(10.4 PPG 3.3 RPG): Hill’s play when Manu and Parker were down has left Popazit no choice but to keep him in the rotation.

Luc Mbah a Moute
(8.4 PPG 6.7 RPG): Luc cannot do all things African without minutes. C’mon Coach Skiles.