FIYA NBA
Rankings #1 |
Rank |
Team |
FIYA Analysis |
1 |
Lakers
 |
Best team. Best player. |
2 |
Jazz
 |
All I know is the Hornets would be really sorry without Paul. You know what that means? Deron has a better team than Chris Paul does. |
3 |
Pistons
 |
AI and 'Sheed gonna run the thugginest pick (up some spliffs) and roll (dat shit) in history. Dat Puff Puff Give and Go, y'all. NOPE! They gonna be high. |
4 |
Hornets
 |
Well, he got the best of LeBron, so he's ahead of him in the MVP race, so far. |
5 |
Raptors
 |
|
6 |
Rockets
 |
Blah, blah, blah, they contenders, they for real, best team in the west….BAD BACK and BROKEN FOOT! BAD BACK! BROKEN FOOT! YOU KNOW BETTER!!! WAKE UP! |
7 |
Celtics
 |
If you were expecting Rondo to blow up this year, your ass must be holding the detonator to the bomb you put under his car. |
8 |
Suns
 |
Barbosa ain't doing a damn thing. |
9 |
Spurs
 |
We don't know anything about them until Manu gets back. Not a thing. |
10 |
Cavs
 |
Danny Ferry might as well start scouting Ohio grade schoolers and paying pregnant black women for some embryonic fluid so he can find the next LeBron, because ain't no way that boy is staying in Cleveland. |
11 |
76ers
 |
Elton and Big Sam have good chemistry. That's good, because Elton and Iggy don't. |
12 |
Magic
 |
Dwight would be the best player in the league if he could make his free throws. Oh yeah, I'm serious. |
13 |
Mavs
 |
I wonder who Josh Howard voted for yesterday? If you said, "Oba...man, that bamma dumb as fuck, he prolly ain't even vote," you and I were thinking the same thing. |
14 |
Hawks
 |
I wouldn't sleep on this team, if I were you. They're gonna fuck up someone's dream in seven months. |
15 |
Nuggets
 |
Melo happy. Now, show these bitches you're a star, dogg. |
16 |
Blazers
 |
Damn, these lame ass journalists had that "Curse of The Blazer Big Man" shit queued up and ready to roll. Aint no coming back from that. So, when he returns in a month and starts beasting, you watch how they reverse field like Marcus Allen after a blonde passes him on the street. |
17 |
Heat
 |
Don't worry. Beasley is just getting warmed up. |
18 |
Pacers
 |
There is nothing better in sports right now than the eight minutes Roy Hibbert plays for the Pacers each game. It's so awkward. Bird's dumb ass drafted one of them ancient trees from Lord of The Rings. |
19 |
Bucks
 |
Luke Ridnour, you know damn well you had to play all 82 games to keep that job, because as soon as Sessions got him a start he was gonna play outta his mind. It's your fault. |
20 |
Wizards
 |
My source in the Wizards locker room tells me that Jamison has been rubbing anti-aging cream on his knees. "Everybody's scared to tell him he's only making his knees smoother, not stronger," revealed the source. |
21 |
Bulls
 |
I bet Ben is happy they didn't re-sign him. Who wants to watch Rose run one-man breaks for the next five years? I can tell by Lou and Noci's faces that they sure as hell don't. |
22 |
Warriors
 |
The coolest thing about this team is that no one gets mad when the other dude is hogging that ball. It's fair game. If Corey brings the ball up, Al and Steve just stand there like "Yeah, shoot that shit Corey…haha! We Be GUNNIN!'" The only time the record scratches is when that damn Deiter puts his back to the basket, dribbles in place for four seconds ('cause he can't move nobody) and throws up a hook. |
23 |
Nets
 |
Vince got more left in the tank than this. Don't be fooled. |
24 |
Thunder
 |
Durant is only gonna be as good as Jeff Green allows him to be. Jeff got a high ceiling, but he ain't in a hurry to get there, it seems. |
25 |
Timberwolves
 |
I just knew Corey Brewer was gonna be better than this. He ain't sorry, but I expected so much more. |
26 |
Knicks
 |
Donnie and Mike want so desperately for one of these dudes not named David Lee to look good enough to be become trade bait. It's not gonna happen. |
27 |
Clippers
 |
When Baron landed on his back, I hit a smile somewhere between The Pat Ewing and The Insincere Isiah. That joint was big and evil. I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and started laughing. |
28 |
Kings
 |
Five words: Jason Thompson. Off Waivers. GOOD! |
29 |
Grizzlies
 |
Mike Conley Jr. better step it up before they give that thing to Kyle. Kyle be having those dudes hyped when he's in there. |
30 |
Bobcats
 |
The saddest part of this Sean May thing is that he's a really good player. I make fun of him and all, but he eats guys' lunch when he's on that court---and off it. |
