FIYA NBA
Rankings #9 |
Rank |
Team |
FIYA Analysis |
1 |
Celtics
 |
Glen Davis is big and polished like Doc Rivers' incisors. |
2 |
Pistons
 |
I still think they'll be the best team in the league once the playoffs start. |
3 |
Spurs
 |
I wanna write them off, but I know that Duncan 5000 is just gonna reboot in May and start doing them clutch-time robotics. |
4 |
Suns
 |
Congratulations to Marcus Banks for hitting three consecutives threes and proving once and for all that he is, indeed, alive. |
5 |
Hornets
 |
Did you see the ass-kicking he gave Nash? That there is called a milestone and it will be one of the many shown during retrospectives on the HOF career of Chris Paul. |
6 |
Lakers
 |
I can't wait to see who they get for Odom. With Bynum's emergence and Ariza's improvement, he isn't a piece to the puzzle any longer. |
7 |
Jazz
 |
Booz, what's up with this slump?
BoozGotPaid: "Well, it occurred to me that I'm already paid and I need to ration out these 20/20 games, instead of working my ass off every night and getting an injury. Hell, I got a max deal coming in a couple of years. I can't have no major injury, dogg." |
8 |
Magic
 |
|
9 |
Blazers
 |
This team is very good and very young, even without Oden, so I know what you're all thinking: Why does Nate McMillan insist of rocking that black movie detective haircut? |
10 |
Mavs
 |
I don't wanna hear that shit about they finally figured out the Warriors. Dirk's big ass should get on them blocks and own them every time they play. |
11 |
Warriors
 |
GODDAMN, ROGER CLEMEN'S LYING!!! LMAO!!! HE SCARED!!! |
12 |
Nuggets
 |
One has to wonder why Carmelo hasn't had a guest appearance on The Wire. |
13 |
Raptors
 |
Chris Bosh's viral video approach to garnering All-Star votes was the most disgusting thing I've seen since 2 girls 1 cup. It just goes to show human beings are capable of anything, in pursuit of attention. |
14 |
Wizards
 |
Now we're hearing that Gilbert may not return this season. That means Eddie Jordan's job is safe and Gilbert could very well be traded. |
15 |
Pacers
 |
If there's any more criminal activity with this team, I will attend the April 14 Wizards game and hold up a big ass sign with a gun aimed at their entire roster and title it "TALK ABOUT IT!!!!" |
16 |
Rockets
 |
T-Mac, please get some heart. Please. It's just pain, not a debilitating injury. You can move, nigga! |
17 |
Hawks
 |
You know, after dominating with Joe Johnson on 2K7, I gave Josh Smith a try and I was pleasantly surprised. I think the Hawks have the best 1-2 on the game, by far. |
18 |
Cavs
 |
Big Z's contribution to this team is criminally underrated. People just take for granted that LeBron has a solid center. |
19 |
Nets
 |
This team isn't nearly as fun to watch as it used to be. |
20 |
Bulls
 |
I find it amazing that Kirk Hinrich has sucked this far into the season and not been destroyed by the national press. Locally, he's getting it, but those ESPN jackasses are acting like they didn't push him as being on par with Paul, Williams and Ford, as part as the next generation of great PGs. |
21 |
Bucks
 |
Does it bother any Bucks fans that Villanueva was doing more with the same number of minutes that Yi is getting? Does it bother y'all that Yi might actually be older than Chuck with less upside? |
22 |
Bobcats
 |
At this rate, Emeka will be playing on the same team as multiple title-holder Dwight Howard, much like Zo did with Shaq. |
23 |
Clippers
 |
Can't Cassell just put his finger on Elton's achilles and Livingston's knee and heal them? |
24 |
76ers
 |
I think Iggy is making it clear he deserves as much as Joe Johnson and Ray Allen. |
25 |
Kings
 |
They are working Salmons like a field nigga while Martin and Bibby sit next to massa and get fed real good. Never mind that Salmons makes five million or so a year, because that has nothing to do with it. |
26 |
Grizzlies
 |
Pau is back to normal and my fantasy squads are finally looking up. |
27 |
Sonics
 |
Durant just isn't as dominant as we thought he'd be, huh? |
28 |
Knicks
 |
James Dolan hasn't fired Isiah because:
(A) He likes laughing at angry whites as much as I do
(B) Isiah plays a mean blues piano
(C) He's doesn't know the Knicks are a basketball team he owns. |
29 |
Heat
 |
Who knows? Seriously. |
30 |
T-Wolves
 |
Randy Foye may as well sit out the entire year, before he comes back and cuts big Al's FG attempts by a third. |
