FIYA NBA
Rankings #7 |
Rank |
Team |
FIYA Analysis |
1 |
Spurs
 |
Tony Parker is going overboard in trying to prove he didn't fuck that model. Tony, Eva is not going to divorce you, doggie. She's about to hit her mid-30s and she's a weak actress. You're 25 and bout to re-up. You could fuck chicks in front of her and she aint making a move until she has your kid. |
2 |
Suns
 |
If you can't feel good for Grant Hill, you're probably the type of person who threw that big red rubber ball at the slow kid's head when he wasn't looking. |
3 |
Pistons
 |
Powerful win puts them 'Stons in the top three. |
4 |
Celtics
 |
NOPE!!! They lost that test against the Pistons.at home. You just mad. |
5 |
Mavs
 |
On my list of "Germans Who Work Well With Blacks," I have Dirk locked in at #3, behind Annette Schwartz and Katja Kassin. |
6 |
Magic
 |
Who saw Stan Van spit them butane 'bliminals at Jameer and Rashard? He said some guys are only worried about their stats and not winning games. Coach Stan is tired of Goomba's antics. All I care about. |
7 |
Lakers
 |
Congrats, Kobe. You've reached 20,000 haters faster than any player in history. |
8 |
Nuggets
 |
There's no believable reason someone can give for why Iverson, and not Melo, is leading this team in scoring other than Iverson is a ballhoggedy villain. |
9 |
Hornets
 |
I'm not one of those people who pretends we all have to wait two or three years to officially anoint Paul the best PG in the L. Hell, I don't remember people waiting that long to give Nash the title. |
10 |
Jazz
 |
Sloan should hook up with Marty Schottenheimer and form a support group for old, mad and inexplicably revered white coaches. |
11 |
Warriors
 |
If Don Nelson weren't a basketball coach, he'd just be an alcoholic. |
12 |
Raptors
 |
Like most dumb niggas, TJ Ford is scared that a dude who speaks Spanish is gonna take his job. Well, you're right TJ. |
13 |
Blazers
 |
Brandon Roy is my MVP. Fuck what y'all talking about. |
14 |
Cavs
 |
You know what? Varejao was right. They gave Drew Gooden more than what he was worth, so why not him? |
15 |
Wizards
 |
Asked to explain why his team is winning without him, Gilbert laughed and said, "I don't play defense on the court, so I damn sure aint gonna get defensive off the court. I hope they keep winning. Now, leave me alone, while I blog about strippers and cattle." |
16 |
Pacers
 |
Despite the belief by many that Bird is responsible for his improvement, Dunleavy Jr. says it's reality that he could be shot and killed at any moment that motivates him. "I know every moment I'm near Jamal and Marquis that some nigga can shoot me for no good reason, so I play every game like it's my last," he said. "I actually think it's that fear that makes so many black guys so good. I never understood it before." |
17 |
Rockets
 |
Steve Francis aint done shit since that game-winner. |
18 |
Nets
 |
Vince Carter has yet to announce that he's still alive by doing one of those dunk only he could execute. |
19 |
Bobcats
 |
|
20 |
Hawks
 |
For the last two weeks, Joe Johnson has almost been as good as they made him on NBA 2K8. But, he can never be that good. |
21 |
Bucks
 |
Yet another Eastern Conference team that was supposed to make a move this year, but has severely regressed. |
22 |
Clippers
 |
Sam has been collecting checks on the strength of those titles he won with Hakeem for way too long. He's my dogg, but he is old and useless. He needs to hurry up to TNT studios so Chuck can make fun of him along with Kenny's gums two times a week. |
23 |
Kings
 |
Mike Bibby is fulla shit. Aint nothing wrong with him. |
24 |
Heat
 |
There's not a basketball fan out here who can give a suitable explanation as to why they suck so bad. It's not like they aint trying. I feel bad for Zo. |
25 |
Grizzlies
 |
Mike Miller trade talk? Boring. |
26 |
76ers
 |
Just hang in there Andre; someone will trade for you soon. |
27 |
Bulls
 |
Kirk Hinrich is getting a pass the size of a gas station restroom key, and it's just as disgusting. |
28 |
Sonics
 |
Durant has the same build as my man Saleh from The Air Up There. That's why he always reminds me of an African every time I see him. |
29 |
Knicks
 |
Isiah has to feel like this whole thing is one of Jigsaw's elaborate traps. |
30 |
T-Wolves
 |
Wasn't this supposed to be Randy Foye's year? It was his year like it's been the Spears Family's year. |
