FIYA NBA
Rankings #6 |
Rank |
Team |
FIYA Analysis |
1 |
Spurs
 |
Tony Parker done already started cheating on lil' Eva, y'all. I know Jamie Foxx is somewhere licking his black ass lips, looking at that phone. Jamie gonna be rebounding Tony's fuckup like Timmy does. |
2 |
Celtics
 |
20-2? I'll admit, I did not see that one coming. It's like an ugly chick you were using for sex breaking up with you. |
3 |
Suns
 |
|
4 |
Magic
 |
If Dwight Howard ever becomes a good free throw shooter, the fucking world will end, because big niggas who dunk all the time can NEVER become good FT shooters. So, please, you dumb ass basketball analysts, stop saying this. |
5 |
Pistons
 |
Sheed's take on Nas' verse from Verbal Intercourse was the latest evidence of Hip-Hop's grip on the psyche of an entire generation of black men...and that Jay lost. |
6 |
Mavs
 |
Lost in all the hype about Josh Howard is the fact that Devin Harris has made major strides. I'm telling y'all, watch out for this team. No one expects anything from them this year and that's gonna help them. |
7 |
Hornets
 |
Chris Paul needs a backcourt partner. |
8 |
Jazz
 |
Until they get a defensive center, I don't see it happening. |
9 |
Nuggets
 |
In an effort to answer the growing question, "Who the thugginest?," AI, Melo and Yella Boi will compete against each other in the areas of pistol whipping, ducking baby mamas, unkempt facial hair, being ashy and loving Mama. The competition will run for two months and will be judged by Marcus Camby. |
10 |
Raptors
 |
With his team slowly rounding into form, Sam Mitchell's hair texturizer is finally starting to hold. "He's really happy," said a team official. |
11 |
Lakers
 |
Eventually, Trevor Ariza is going to make Lamar Odom obsolete. |
12 |
Cavs
 |
Larry Hughes set a fantasy basketball record for the most adds... and drops in a season, after he put 36, 4,3,3 and 2 up on Indiana, then followed it up with two consecutive turdish games against the Nets and 76ers. |
13 |
Wizards
 |
Wizards fans are looking forward to Gilbert's comeback like porn fans are looking forward to Vanessa Del Rio's comeback. |
14 |
Warriors
 |
Mullin is living every white GM's dream, as he's assembled a middle market team that will be firmly mired in mediocrity for the next decade. |
15 |
Rockets
 |
T-Mac won't be a Rocket next year. |
16 |
Pacers
 |
I wouldn't be surprised if Corrie Bird was the one tryna kill all of these Pacers. She has a motive. |
17 |
Nets
 |
Despite the ongoing speculation about teammate Jason Kidd's status with the team, Richard Jefferson continues to prefer cock. |
18 |
Blazers
 |
Six game win streak. Roy is gonna get some MVP votes, if this keeps up. |
19 |
Bobcats
 |
Asked to explain his reasoning for trading fan favorite Walter Hermann for lazy ass Naz Mohammed, Cheesy E. responded, "No reason, other than I'm Michael Jordan and I run a basketball team in North Carolina. I'll trade Emeka for a retarded baby if I want." |
20 |
Bucks
 |
Mike Ruffin, Dan Gadzuric, Royal Ivey, Awvee Story, David Noel...seriously, this team has the worst 9-13 guys in the world. |
21 |
Clippers
 |
Elton Brand was cleared to step up his workload, as he attempts to comeback this season. Meanwhile, teammate Shaun Livingston got his cornrows done again. |
22 |
Hawks
 |
Jason Whitlock on the Shelden Williams car-jacking: "Well, if you remember his former college teammate, JJ Redick, is a big fan of the rapper Nas, who is naming his next album after the N-word. I think that shows what kind of person Shelden Williams is and why it shouldn't surprise anyone that he put himself in this kind of position." |
23 |
Kings
 |
How many times has John Salmons had to tell someone, "No, not like the fish"? Because you know people pronounce it all fucked up. |
24 |
Bulls
 |
Ben Gordon admitted that he may had made a mistake when he turned down the Bulls offer of ten mil over five years. Said Ben, "I'm a 6-2 shooting guard, I fucked up bad." |
25 |
Heat
 |
There is going to be hell to pay next year if they decide to just tank the season. Mayo, Gordon, Rose or Beasley with Shaq and Wade? Wrap. |
26 |
Grizzlies
 |
If they really want Conley to be their guy, they need to get rid of Lowry, because he aint giving up shit. |
27 |
76ers
 |
I dare anyone...anyone...to walk up to Sam Dalembert and say "Fuck Haiti!" He will choke a nigga out worse than Solomon Grundy. |
28 |
Knicks
 |
Sources in the Knicks' front office have told me that Isiah is close to signing a deal to become the leader of the Chicago Vice Lords, an organization he shunned, more than 30 years ago. |
29 |
Sonics
 |
I didn't even know Ridnour was hurt.
*Shrug* |
30 |
T-Wolves
 |
Al Jefferson has really taken to the small market superstar thing, huh? |
