FIYA NBA
Rankings #5 |
Rank |
Team |
FIYA Analysis |
1 |
Spurs
 |
I was impressed by their wins without Timmy, until I saw him sitting on the bench with an Xbox controller in his hand. |
2 |
Celtics
 |
They cruised on the Bulls on a fucking off night? Fine. I'm scared. If I have to admit I'm scared to have one of these niggas ACLs explode, then I'm all for it. GOD, I'M SCARED!!! HELP!!! |
3 |
Suns
 |
Setup: Amare, what's worse than having Al Jefferson kick your ass for 30 and 20 and losing to Minnesota? Amare: "Um, not getting any pussy after the game?" (Only Amare could fuck that joke up.) |
4 |
Magic
 |
Keith Bogans as a championship off-guard is more believable than Jameer as a championship PG, in my opinion. |
5 |
Mavs
 |
I remember when Terrell Davis became the Broncos best player (1996 against the Patriots) and Elway got all the glory, after being a fucking loser all his life. Well, Josh Howard just became the Mavs best player. |
6 |
Hornets
 |
43 and 9 and the W. That says a lot. |
7 |
Pistons
 |
I think more country ass power forwards should model their games after McDyess. It's very simple: Try real hard, be strong, jump high, run and most importantly, be scared for your job...at all times. |
8 |
Jazz
 |
41 and 7 and an L. That says a lot. |
9 |
Nuggets
 |
OMG!!! OMG!!! I feel like a little white girl! Is Yella Boi really back? If he is, y'all might as well start getting mad, because I will start cysing the Nuggets.
Denver 2008: Dat Thug Trinity, bitches!!! |
10 |
Lakers
 |
Asked what he thought of Iverson's 51 point outburst, Kobe shrugged and said, "If you're gonna go through the trouble, why choke in the last ten minutes?" |
11 |
Cavs
 |
Man, they sure do suck without Larry Hughes. |
12 |
Raptors
 |
The Annual TJ Ford's Job Watch has begun. Until his J becomes dependable, he is replaceable. Ray Felton has the only "Fast PG, No J, winning optional" job in the league. |
13 |
Warriors
 |
So, I'm sitting in my recliner the other night and I see on the ticker that they beat Miami. Do you know my dumb ass saw Wright: 19 pts and 17 rebs and got scared? I thought that damn D was a B and Brandan Wright had a breakout game. Whew! |
14 |
Rockets
 |
I don't believe them anymore. You can't just put two good players together and hope the rest of the league has injuries. |
15 |
Pacers
 |
Another of Bad Dad Bird's players has been involved in a shooting? When will Stern investigate this franchise, before someone gets killed? |
16 |
Nets
 |
Kidd's latest attempt at Black Male was his most pathetic yet. He can steal another dude's chick, mush his back-talking woman in the face, name his son TJ--he can even decide not to play because he don't feel like it, but no one believes he's 100% Asiatic. He's a great pure PG who hasn't won a title. That's an extremely white trait. Sorry, Jason. |
17 |
Wizards
 |
Haywood's performance this year is making Etan look really bad. |
18 |
Bobcats
 |
Emeka should've taken that contract, because if his back flares up again, no one is paying him over 7 per. |
19 |
Bucks
 |
I don't think it's fair that Chucky V has to ride the pine just so the Bucks can satisfy some under the table agreement that they had to start Yi. He's not a better player than Chuck, and despite being Asian, he's not nearly as hairless. He even sweats more than Chuck. |
20 |
Clippers
 |
I hate Tim Thomas. I haven't seen anyone play well when they feel like it so blatantly since Todd Day. |
21 |
Hawks
 |
I know Billy Knight got scared when he saw Billy King was fired. |
22 |
Kings
 |
Ron Ron thinks he slick. He ain't gonna go crazy in a contract year. What was I thinking. |
23 |
Heat
 |
I think I'm going to side with Shaq on this one. Penny didn't understand. Kobe didn't understand. Wade doesn't understand anymore. If you give this big ass man the ball every time down the court, you will win more often than not. |
24 |
Blazers
 |
Despite piling up losses on his official record, Nate McMillan got a pass the moment Oden went under the knife. |
25 |
76ers
 |
|
26 |
Bulls
 |
I look forward to the day Hinrich is no longer treated with kid gloves. He was being elevated to elite status and now everybody is making excuses for his "early season struggles." When Mo Williams was struggling early in the season, I recall the terms "overrated" and "overpaid" being used a lot. |
27 |
Knicks
 |
After getting destroyed by Reggie "Average Homeless Black Man" Evans on consecutive nights, Zach and Eddy called a team meeting, during which they served Zach's Famous Fried Chicken and Mamma Curry's triple chocolate cake. Nothing was resolved, but there was great merriment amongst the thieves. |
28 |
Grizzlies
 |
I'm gonna leave Rudy Gay alone and start picking on Mike Miller. |
29 |
Sonics
 |
Durant is finally getting into an "Even Flow" and acting "BLACK!" up there in Seattle. (you mad?") |
30 |
T-Wolves
 |
Create-A-Player Jaric has been ballin' outta control, in an effort to keep Adriana Lima away from all the niggas on that team. I heard he's failed. |
