FIYA NBA
Rankings #3 |
Rank |
Team |
FIYA Analysis |
1 |
Spurs
 |
I really can't imagine Timmy doing anything other than playing basketball. Would you really be shocked to learn the Spurs' equipment manager put that nigga in a box after each game and shipped him ahead to the next city? |
2 |
Suns
 |
Commenting on Grant Hill's rapid acclimation in into the Suns system, Steve Nash stated: "Yeah, it's good to put another person on the floor who's not a fucking idiot." |
3 |
Magic
 |
Pat Riley says he's surprised this team is so good. Translation: "People gonna notice Stan can coach and take credit away from me for that title. I'm scared." |
4 |
Celtics
 |
Put Ray's shot on the season highlight reel, y'all. That's one of those shots that a team which later gets eliminated makes in the early rounds of the NCAA tourney. |
5 |
Jazz
 |
BoozGotPaid: I'm underpaid. You see it. |
6 |
Mavs
 |
What's this? Is Devin Harris finally ready to take that next step? Probably, but he waited too long, because now Tony Parker's even better and so are the Suns and Jazz. |
7 |
Hornets
 |
Chris Paul is being so gracious about being pitted against Deron Williams, as part of the NBA's latest pathetic marketing ploy. He's even gone as far as to call Deron his best friend. Will someone let Stern know that Magic and Larry only worked because they were on championship teams off the bat. |
8 |
Rockets
 |
After being dominated by Shaq yet again, Yao huffed, "It doesn't matter, because the dollar is fading, y'all mired in a wack war and we still gettin dat oil from the Sudan and y'all aint gonna do shit. You mad?" |
9 |
Pistons
 |
How long do I have to wait for Stuckey to set this league ablaze? |
10 |
Nuggets
 |
Marcus Camby has to be jealous of Ben Wallace's contract. He does the same shit, only better. |
11 |
Bucks
 |
Coach Larry Krystkowiak has been working closely with center Andrew Bogut, hoping that Bogut will continue to evolve into the jump-shooting pussy he was. |
12 |
Cavs
 |
You've made your point LeBron. Wow. If Danny Ferry don't pick up that cock-shaped phone of his, put it to his mouth and get some talent around Bron, I hope J.R. Reid comes from outta nowhere and steals the shit outta him. J.R. aint got shit else to do either. |
13 |
Lakers
 |
Lamar Odom is the winner of this week's Dana Stubblefield Award, given to the player who manages to find something funny when he's in the process of costing his team a game. Congratulations, Lamar! |
14 |
Raptors
 |
MMMMMHUH...Kaponovich! I root for this guy because there aint no reason GMs should be taking 6-8 Euro jump shooters when there are better 6-8 jump shooters like Kaponovich right in here. |
15 |
Nets
 |
As much as Jason Kidd has done for the Nets, he doesn't need to be coy about his intentions after his contract expires. Everyone knows you're tired of running with the Leaping Softies, dogg. |
16 |
Clippers
 |
Shaun Livingston's comeback from a dislocated knee will be as inspirational as Randy Livingston's comeback from a dislocated knee, in that it will inspire niggas with dislocated knees not to even bother and accept their fate. |
17 |
Blazers
 |
|
18 |
Warriors
 |
Can someone explain why Brandan Wright is sorry? Better still, can someone sent in a pic of him with his big ass ears pierced? |
19 |
Wizards
 |
Look on the bright side, Gilbert: your knee is fucked up in a contract year, because you talk entirely too much shit about niggas who aint said one word about you. KARMA WINS! FATALITY! |
20 |
Bobcats
 |
Fun fact: Matt Carroll makes more than Emeka. |
21 |
Pacers
 |
J.O. playing injured again. LMAO!!! I love this guy. All those positive stories about the Pacers after the first week have disappeared. Oh, white media, don't you know we notice? |
22 |
Grizzlies
 |
Rudy Gay is leading this team in scoring? Fuck are they running back door alley-oops 20 times a game? And Mike Miller leads in boards? GODDAMIT PAU!!! |
23 |
Hawks
 |
After being caught stealing Shelden Williams' cell phone and giving Candace Parker's number to Al Horford, Hawks Coach Mike Woodson explained, "I thought it would give us the best chance to win." |
24 |
Kings
 |
Before he leaves Sac-town, Ron Ron has to give us one more controversy. |
25 |
Heat
 |
The best part about all of this is Zo's "I really don't care about none of this bullshit, because I got my ring" face. Watch him walk off the court during a TV timeout. It's so good. |
26 |
Knicks
 |
What must it be like for Isiah-haters? Try this: Imagine you're having a threesome with the sexiest, nastiest sluts you can imagine off and on for three years, but you can NEVER bust a nut. Poor, Mitch Lawrence; his gums will be on his forehead by the time Zeek gets fired. |
27 |
76ers
 |
An anonymous Sixer recently said that Iggy's body language is even worse than Iverson's was during his last year in Philly. Kyle, everyone knows it's you, you Children of the Corn extra looking jackass! |
28 |
Sonics
 |
All I know is Durant better be happy Oden is out for the year, because dude's would be flopping like dying goldfish. |
29 |
T-Wolves
 |
Anyone else looking forward to McHale's Christmas sweaters? |
30 |
Bulls
 |
I think it's starting to become clear to everyone that the only time Paxon got the better of the Eddy Curry deal was at the actual time of transaction. |
