FIYA NBA
Rankings #18 |
Rank |
Team |
FIYA Analysis |
1 |
Celtics
 |
Doc has the best see-through scalp cut of an NBA head coach since the Wes Unseld era in Washington. |
2 |
Rockets
 |
The elephant is not only in the room, but he's laid out on the couch eating a turkey club sandwich. Why else do you think T-Mac is keeping his ass quiet? |
3 |
Pistons
 |
While we all can't wait to see every game of every round from the West, all anyone really wants from the East is to see the Boston & Detroit play, right? |
4 |
Lakers
 |
Pau! There's goes your number one seed…for this week anyway. |
5 |
Hornets
 |
I hope New Orleans runs into San Antonio in the playoffs. You know a Paul nuts-punch to Rockhead-Bowen is coming just as sure as his 10+ dimes. |
6 |
Spurs
 |
Bowen didn't take his one game suspension very well. In fact, he protested by sticking his foot out under David Stern's assistant when she stepped off the curb. Traffic cams are reviewing the footage. |
7 |
Jazz
 |
Add Deron Williams to the list of "We Bringing Hi-Yella niggas Back" movement. Michael from The Wire ok'd the roster move. |
8 |
Suns
 |
Just like adjusting to a thick woman moving in and rearranging all your shit, Phoenix has gotten used to Shaq's fat ass lumbering up and down the court. |
9 |
Magic
 |
Turkey-Do & Lewis have to be the most unheralded big shot makers in the league this year. They hit about one a week. |
10 |
Mavs
 |
Jason Kidd seems to have found his jumper. Perhaps he left it in Dallas over ten years ago. |
11 |
Cavs
 |
How can LeBron not go number one in every fantasy draft from now until he retires? His stat lines be fuller than a nickel sack from Mr. Nice Guy. |
12 |
Warriors
 |
Speaking of weed, anybody else find it kind of ironic that perhaps the most exciting and energetic team in the NBA is full of the most potential tree blowers? Even Biedrins fills the cool white stoner role. |
13 |
Raptors
 |
In the midst of their late season push to get home court in the first round, Jose Calderon said he wouldn’t mind playing for the Lakers, next year. Yup, they're getting booted early. |
14 |
Nuggets
 |
Minus Camby, who don’t give a fuck at this point, this team is concerned with nothing but scoring. They're like a squad full of Steve Nash's at a U2 concert…or a squad full of Nash's at any NBA game. |
15 |
Blazers
 |
If they get that #1 ping pong ball this year, someone has to pull Paul Allen's bank statement and see if there was a large withdrawal made recently. |
16 |
Wizards
 |
Actually, I wouldn’t mind seeing a full strength Wizards-Cleveland series. It's fun seeing 'Bron let them believe they have a chance. |
17 |
76ers
 |
When asked about the recent success of Philly, Coach Cheeks said all credit goes to Reggie Evans. "His ugly ass is taking opposing Power Forwards out of their game, helping us win." In related news, Tim Duncan shot 5-14 and only grabbed 6 rebounds on Sunday. |
18 |
Hawks
 |
Fuck all that. Friday night, a falling traffic light almost hit me in downtown Atlanta, during what I later found out was a tornado. I thought the Cloverfield monster just relocated. |
19 |
Bulls
 |
I hope Duhon didn't skip another practice for that Duke ACC Tourney showing. |
20 |
Nets
 |
Proving that there is indeed a Jesus, Josh Boone scored 21 points and grabbed 13 rebounds against the Jazz, last week. |
21 |
Pacers
 |
At this point, if Bad Dad gets fired, I'll take the Zeke hit. |
22 |
Bobcats
 |
…and if Cheese Eyes got the axe, I'd be ok with the Celts winning the East. |
23 |
Bucks
 |
Desmond Mason is always gonna just be an athletic ordinary ass nigga. Only good for a couple highlights and a lot of average at best efforts during a season. What a waste. |
24 |
Kings
 |
Ron, you might have them fooled, but not me. You actin' right for that money and I see it. |
25 |
Clippers
 |
|
26 |
Knicks
 |
|
27 |
Sonics
 |
Durant needs an enforcer to help him not get his ass kicked until he can get some real help. It can't be that hard to rent-a-Gooch. Charles Oakley said he could still play. There you go. |
28 |
Grizzlies
 |
"Memphis actually has a nice young nucleus," says many prognosticators. Unfortunately that phrase usually means a team is gonna be in the lottery for the next five years. |
29 |
T-Wolves
 |
Question: How long before Big Al realizes he's working his ass off for nothing?
Answer: When the money from his check doesn't cover the humiliation every other night. |
30 |
Heat
 |
Here's an inside tidbit to Riles; if you get the first pick, and you select Beasley, keep plenty of bail money in the sock drawer. |
