FIYA NBA
Rankings #17 |
Rank |
Team |
FIYA Analysis |
1 |
Celtics
 |
What's funny is the only thing Doc's been worrying about all season is coming up with good spin for his team's inevitable postseason elimination. |
2 |
Pistons
 |
Dumars 'bout to do his genius thing and trade Rip or Chauncey if they don't win this summer, because Stuckey is the truth and a half. I can see Joe, looking like The Kingfish, picking up that phone and offering Isiah Chauncey. Isiah hits the Amos "Oh, Joe...you'd do that for me? What a swell guy you are. You saved me on this one buddy. How can I repay you? The third pick? No problem. It's yours." Stuckey and Eric Gordan kick ass for a decade. The End. |
3 |
Lakers
 |
Asked if he was impressed by LeBron's 50 point game, Kobe said "Yeah, and he didn't even need three quarters to do it." Then, he proceeded to re-tape his ligament-less fingers and shoot 3000 jumpers for fun. |
4 |
Spurs
 |
Watch them. |
5 |
Jazz
 |
If Ashton Kutcher looks like a fuckin' half-turned vampire from Buffy, then, sure, I guess Kyle Korver looks like him. Otherwise, I just don't see it. |
6 |
Hornets
 |
They're missing a piece. If they gave Paul one more shooter, they'd be hell. |
7 |
Suns
 |
In an obvious attempt to replace Jack Napier, West Coast Productions has signed Shaq to produce and star in a new series entitled, "You Don't Know Shaq," which will feature Shaq being just as disgustingly huge and ineffective against five young women in bed as he is against five men on the court. |
8 |
Magic
 |
I wonder if Howard went strong to the hole on that lil cheerleader like he strong to hole when.ugh, whatever.you know where it's going. I make myself sick sometimes. |
9 |
Rockets
 |
This is almost as impressive as when he let the Magic lose 10 in a row on his watch. Yeah, I remember. |
10 |
Mavs
 |
If Dirk blames Jason Kidd this summer, I guess that only counts as half on his Blame-a-Nigga tally. |
11 |
Cavs
 |
|
12 |
Warriors
 |
I hate to say it, but we've been here with Baron before. Every time people start talking about he's one of the best players in the game, he shows up the next Fall at camp out of shape and lookin' like fucking Isaac Hayes. |
13 |
Raptors
 |
I can't justify TJ Ford getting his spot back and it's kinda depressing. He's been through enough. |
14 |
Nuggets
 |
Just so we're clear: Iverson was supposed to help them advance in the postseason, NOT ensure that they don't even make the postseason with his ballhoggedy antics. |
15 |
76ers
 |
Playoffs without Iverson? How many niggas in Philly are gonna be killed if they mention it? Um, a lot. |
16 |
Hawks
 |
I'm leaning more and more to Al for ROY. He is actually THE reason for them winning. |
17 |
Blazers
 |
Travis Outlaw looks like he's going to be a pretty good player. I don't know if anyone was expecting anything from him. |
18 |
Bulls
 |
Hinrich. Will one of you bloggers/staff writers who purloin my shit TALK ABOUT IT, so word can spread?!?!? |
19 |
Wizards
 |
"One of the up and coming teams in the NBA." He/it sounded just as dumb then as he/it does now. |
20 |
Nets
 |
Jay-Z is "cool," right? Jay-Z is part-owner of the Nets, right? Then, why is a Collins brother on the team? |
21 |
Pacers
 |
Bob Kravitz deserves a medal. He's the only white man that tells the truth about Bad Dad. |
22 |
Bobcats
 |
I see Gerald coming back in the next two weeks. You can't get that type of money from Bob Johnson and sit on your ass. Bob don't even care what's wrong with that boy's head. "Shit, I aint even pay Donnie Simpson 10 million dollars," Johnson was heard yelling. |
23 |
Bucks
 |
I would imagine the conversations between Scoonie Penn and Mike Redd are similar to that last time Mike and Dukie spoke.
Scoonie: "Mike, 'member we fucked all them white girls after the Michigan game in '98?"
Mike (sad, distant): "Nah, Scoon.I don't."
Scoonie: "WELL, FUCK YOU THEN, NIGGA! JUST 'CAUSE YOU IN THE L, YOU THINK YOU BETTER THAN ME?!!??! I MADE YOU!!"
Well, kinda similar. |
24 |
Kings
 |
I see you, Light skinned Warrior. Keep ballin'. I called it. YOU IS GOOD! |
25 |
Clippers
 |
All I hear about is Elton, which leads me to believe Shaun Livingston's knee is about as stable as Britney Spears on stilts. |
26 |
Knicks
 |
If Lil' Nate ever gets the chance to play 35+ per (and the day is coming).numbers. And he'll instantly be better than a lot of folks. |
27 |
Sonics
 |
You know what? Ridnour's better than Watson. I have no idea why Watson starts. |
28 |
Grizzlies
 |
Yup. Conley got his shit together. Bye, Kyle. |
29 |
T-Wolves
 |
Corey Brewer's finally starting to figure this NBA thing out, after I've added and dropped him over 30 times this season. |
30 |
Heat
 |
The Heat set a new low last week, as they lost a game in 51 seconds. |
