FIYA NBA
Rankings #15 |
Rank |
Team |
FIYA Analysis |
1 |
Celtics
 |
|
2 |
Pistons
 |
Stuckey means business. Told y'all. |
3 |
Suns
 |
Shaq has now joined Nina Hartley as a performer who is way past their prime, but still manages to get double-teamed. |
4 |
Spurs
 |
"Hey, Manu! I'm a computer! Stop all the ballhoggin'! Help Computer!" -- Timmy 5000 |
5 |
Lakers
 |
If Kobe wins a title with an ate up finger for half the year, it should make Jordan's fake fever game against the Jazz look about as impressive as Detroit's "Buddha" Edwards playing through his poorly trimmed mustache in game 3 against the Blazers. Y'all know when Buddha's 'stache was off, so was the turnaround. But, the nigga manned up hard that game. |
6 |
Hornets
 |
As great as Paul is, he's not good enough to carry this team, as currently constructed, through Western Conference playoffs. |
7 |
Jazz
 |
All the talk about Korver being the biggest pick-up in the West needs to just stop. I agree, it was a great move, but unless they actually come outta the West, it's just not some shit you say. It's such a grandiose prediction. That shit is like talking about the television 150 years ago; nobody wanna hear all that. |
8 |
Mavs
 |
Great point guards usually make clutch jumpers, not clutch passes, in the playoffs. So, is Kidd gonna hit those jump shots or what? |
9 |
Rockets
 |
Save some winning for the postseason. |
10 |
Warriors
 |
They certainly did build off what they did last year, huh? |
11 |
Cavs
 |
Ferry just did enough at the trade deadline to save himself from the further wrath of Gloria's open hand. |
12 |
Magic
 |
|
13 |
Raptors
 |
For everyone who thinks Bosh is bothered by the jokes about his girlfriend, I have to remind you of something very important about that boy: He's from the South. And niggas from the South do not care what you say about their woman. Daunte Culpepper's wife looks like a catcher from a 1940's all-black woman's team and he loves her. |
14 |
Nuggets
 |
Here's my Game Theory: The dude they got from Philly is the root of the problem. They're at the Tipping Point and they need to get what they can for him before Things Fall Apart. Do You Want More?!!!??! You mad...you mad. |
15 |
76ers
 |
Why do I keep thinking Willie Green is an old head? Well, part of it is that he got an old man game and his name's Willie, but for some reason I think I'm confusing him with someone I grew up watching. |
16 |
Blazers
 |
How can you not love Oden? Dude KNOWS the faux-hawk is outta style, but not only does he get one, he takes it so much further and gets a fucked up joint. I hope he plays with that cut all next year. |
17 |
Bulls
 |
Pax fuckin this team up like a dumb kid with some Legos. |
18 |
Hawks
 |
Quiet as it's kept, Billy Knight is putting together a pretty good young squad. Maybe it's time he accepts (or not...totally up to him) some apologies, people. |
19 |
Wizards
 |
Injuries have saved Eddie Jordan, because they weren't gonna do shit anyway and people would've started to wonder aloud if he's the man for the job. Now, people are gonna wonder how much better they'll be next year, considering Haywood's improvement and the injuries to Gil and Caron. |
20 |
Nets
 |
Vince must love NYC, because I can't believe he ain't bitching his way out of town. |
21 |
Pacers
 |
When Bird finally assembles his all-white starting five, I'll be curious to see if the White Media ignores the racial Pacers makeup with the same ferocity they noticed Big John's Hoya teams. MMMMHUH! |
22 |
Bucks
 |
Bogut just refuses to be bum. He's the steadiest #1 pick since the Bucks last #1 overall (Big Dog). |
23 |
Bobcats
 |
Gerald Wallace is getting on my nerves. All I saw being carried off on the stretcher was my damn fantasy team. |
24 |
Kings
 |
Oh no. Ron Ron is supposedly mentoring Shelden. I can see Shelden now, tryna convince Candace Parker to form a group with some of her girls and sing for some fucked up label he's starting. And she love that ugly nigga so much, she'd do it. |
25 |
Clippers
 |
I can't wait to see who overpays Maggs this summer. Speakin' of... |
26 |
Knicks
 |
I see why Isiah fucks with Nate-Rob so much. That lil bamma will fight the biggest dude in the building and swear he's gonna kick some ass. |
27 |
Grizzlies
 |
I think Lowry would be a great fit with Orlando. Just sayin'. |
28 |
Sonics
 |
If they get Beasley, they need to move that team to PG County. |
29 |
T-Wolves
 |
It's oh so quiet...SHHHH!!! SHHHH!!! It's oh so still...SHHHH!!! SHHHH!!! You thought I'd leave it alone...SHHHH!!! SHHHH!!! But, there'll be no peace until...BASSY IS BETTER!!! ZIIIIIG BOOM!!! ORLANDO'S DRAFTING A PG!!! ZIIIIIG BOOM!!! RONDO'S GONNA MISS J's in MAY!!!! WOW BAM!!! |
30 |
Heat
 |
Why aint they playing Ricky Dawg? |
