FIYA NBA
Rankings #13 |
Rank |
Team |
FIYA Analysis |
1 |
Celtics
 |
Did you see Big Baby trying hard against the Spurs? I aint seen Tim Duncan not wanna be bothered like that since Harold Deane and Curtis Staples kept firing threes on him like they were Chris and Snoop tryna take out Omar. |
2 |
Pistons
 |
Stuckey's finally starting to play like he's the answer to the Pistons scoring woes. |
3 |
Suns
 |
The Big Trans Fat has found yet another team and home. I can't wait to witness Jesus of Nashareth resurrect his career. |
4 |
Hornets
 |
With 2 points and 16 assists in a win, Chris Paul has officially surpassed Brevin Knight as...Brevin Knight. |
5 |
Mavs
 |
Look for the Mavs to make a trade that means absolutely nothing in the next couple of weeks. |
6 |
Lakers
 |
When Bynum gets back the Lakers will have the tallest, most athletic front court in the league. |
7 |
Spurs
 |
After losing to the Garnett-less Celts, Duncan attributed the loss to the lack of KG's meaningless buckets and wanton use of "motherfucker." Said Duncan: "I can't beat his team unless he's there cursing me out." |
8 |
Jazz
 |
Deron been balling since the reserves were named. He mad. |
9 |
Blazers
 |
Josh McRoberts was recalled from the minors last week and seems to be scared straight. "In the NBDL, Duke guys are treated like crooked cops are treated in prison," according to Josh. |
10 |
Warriors
 |
Monta Ellis excitedly explained to Webber how he remembered the once hyper-athletic big man dunk on Barkley at the tender age of nine. C-Webb responded by recounting the time he smashed Monta's girl at 34. |
11 |
Nuggets
 |
And the winner of the Thugginest Ass Nugget goes to.Yella Boi!!! Yella Boi narrowly defeated AI by having an ashy a fuck left kneecap on the final day of competition. |
12 |
Magic
 |
This Redick trade drama is starting to get on my nerves. JJ, shut the fuck up, man. You're not needed. |
13 |
Cavs
 |
I have it on good authority that Gloria James slapped the shit outta Danny Ferry for not getting Bron any help. Um, I'm not joking. |
14 |
Rockets
 |
There's a part of me that thinks Mac is secretly wishing they miss the playoffs so he doesn't have to worry about flopping in the first round again. |
15 |
Raptors
 |
Dat 'Gnani finally starting to come on. I was starting to wonder about him. |
16 |
Hawks
 |
I'll be honest, I never thought Josh Smith would be this damn good. |
17 |
Wizards
 |
Well, that's over. |
18 |
Nets
 |
How many time per week does Kidd look at his agent like a pimp looks a chick who comes up short? |
19 |
Pacers
 |
J.O. is going out like a G. He's ensuring that Bad Dad the Liar sees the lottery. |
20 |
Bulls
 |
Duhon gave a week's worth of performances that have proven one again that Kirk Hinrich's ass needs to be shipped out while he's still overvalued. |
21 |
76ers
 |
Iggy is having an okay season, but not quite what I was expecting. |
22 |
Bucks
 |
They finally gave Chucky V his spot back, thus ending the only affirmative action case in which a more qualified black man was being looked over in favor of an Asian prospect. |
23 |
Bobcats
 |
Who is the trainer here? They are the most oft-injured young team in league history. |
24 |
Kings
 |
I know they're about trade Ron and Bibby, but I don't think they should make a move. They have a nice nucleus. |
25 |
Clippers
 |
Sam tried to kill Rondo to become a Celtic. Pathetic. God don't like...Sam. |
26 |
Knicks
 |
I didn't appreciate seeing Jamal Crawford sprint joyfully to the far end of the court after the final buzzer against the Bucks. For the first time all year, I was pissed about being a Knicks supporter. |
27 |
Grizzlies
 |
|
28 |
Sonics
 |
I'll bet you anything that Luke Ridnour has fucked most of the co-eds at Washington state. I know there's a stash of party pics floating around somewhere. |
29 |
T-Wolves
 |
Gerald Green, it's your time, baby. Jump high and hope for the best. |
30 |
Heat
 |
No one saw this coming. They are the worst team in the league. D-Wade is gonna be at my bottom for the rest of the season. Damn. "And that's why I don't eat shrimp." |
