FIYA NBA
Rankings #11 |
Rank |
Team |
FIYA Analysis |
1 |
Celtics |
Like the cute girl in middle school, they're realizing things
get different as time passes, and the best is clearly not yet
to come. |
2 |
Hornets |
Um, what? Yeah, check the standings. And watch them play. |
3 |
Pistons |
I
love how the white (you know who.mmmhuh)
keeps trying to drop that hint nowadays about Dumars not
taking Melo. And you know why, right? See RAPTORS. |
4 |
Suns |
Oh no, the Nash MVP campaign has started. |
5 |
Spurs |
I seriously thought Horry was sitting out the year. |
6 |
Mavs |
When
the playoffs start, I'm expecting Dirk to cut his hair.
It's what everyone does when they're tryna tell the world, "Yeah,
bitches, this time it's gonna be different." Jim Brown never
cut his damn hair. Fuck outta here. |
7 |
Lakers |
LeBron done hurt Kobe's chances. You know hater-voters been
looking for that one game and Bron came through big for them. |
8 |
Blazers |
There is 0% chance this team won't be in the Finals in two
years. |
9 |
Warriors |
Stephen Jackson must've been the model for that CGI gang
leader in I Am Legend, because every time he moves fast and
let's out that yell, exposing those lil vibrating crack-rock
teeth, the rest of the Warriors get scared and try a whole
lot harder. I can't wait to see what he does when Duncan and
Parker capture Baron in May and try to cure that beard. |
10 |
Jazz |
Booz must've truly kicked ass those first two months because
I don't see how he's still at 22 and 11. He hasn't put up consistent
big games in weeks. |
11 |
Magic |
Turkeydo is quietly having a better year than the vast majority
of forwards in the league. I can't see the All-Star team, but
maybe he'll be rewarded with a better face on 2K9. |
12 |
Raptors |
Brandon Roy would look really good with them right now, huh?
Looks like Colangelo outsmarted himself. How often does that
happen? A lot, actually. Maybe he should stop chasin' dat tender
meat all over Europe like Polanski. NOPE!!! Tender. |
13 |
Rockets |
Yao and Mac have now become that couple that everyone around
them wishes would just break up already. |
14 |
Nuggets |
The only person on this team whose game doesn't ruin it for
everyone else is Camby. That's what not having a PG does. |
15 |
Cavs |
Why when Bron is going to the hole, dudes be bouncing off
him like he's Kevin Mack? Y'all dudes are pathetic. He's not
that strong. |
16 |
Wizards |
Caron is now the best UCONN alum. And that's a big honor,
because I think UCONN has the best collection of alums, top
to bottom, in the L. |
17 |
Nets |
I don't blame him one bit. It's long overdue. |
18 |
Hawks |
TRADE! Is it really that hard? |
19 |
Pacers |
Now that Mike Dunleavy has turned the corner, Larry Bird
will be saying that trade was successful for years to come,
and people will believe it. |
20 |
Bulls |
Hinrich is trying to save his unforgivably awful season by
stringing together a few big performances in losses. That tactic
never works for Tim Thomas or Joe Smith, so I'm gonna see how
the media handles this one. |
21 |
Bucks |
I wish Mo Williams would make up his mind about being hurt. |
22 |
Bobcats |
I must admit I never knew Gerald Wallace had a chance in
hell of being this good. I remember they used to compare him
to Vince coming outta high school. |
23 |
Kings |
|
24 |
Clippers |
Immediately after hearing the news that Elton would be ready
for action after the break, Maggette was seen crying in his
SUV of Solitude, as he inserted memory crystals of all his
highlights for the season. (ya see, Corey's Escalade has an
interior made entirely of bulletproof, yet not collision-proof,
glass) |
25 |
76ers |
Make the playoff without Iverson? |
26 |
Grizzlies |
Spotted: Rudy Gay jersey worn by white male, 25-30, playing
1-on-1 against seemingly homeless black guy, 40 at least, at
Marie Reed Rec Center in Adam's Morgan. The black dude fouled
the shit outta him. |
27 |
Sonics |
Durant is simply not living up to the hype. |
28 |
Knicks |
If they make they playoffs, all those pink slip marchers
need a Clockwork Orange type torturing, featuring Zeke's smile
and laugh on a loop. |
29 |
T-Wolves |
Gerald Green demanded a trade? I really think inter-sports
trades should be allowed, because I know for sure McHale would
take the goodwill he'd get from trading that idiot to the Chiefs
for a 3rd rounder for the Vikes. |
30 |
Heat |
Anyone who thinks this is all punishment for Pat kicking
Stan to the curb has a weak sense of proportional justice.
What should happen is a bee should sting his damn eyeball! |
