FIYA NBA
Rankings #10 |
Rank |
Team |
FIYA Analysis |
1 |
Celtics
 |
Like a homeless person in the dead of Winter, they're showing signs and slowing down. |
2 |
Pistons
 |
The Knicks are beating the shit outta them right now. I might have to drop them by the time I finish this. |
3 |
Spurs
 |
Age has confronted Bruce Bowen like a fat kid who's tired of being bullied and got himself a Boflex for Christmas. |
4 |
Suns
 |
An appendectomy could happen to anyone. It's not like his ankle is having an appendectomy. Don't overreact. |
5 |
Mavs
 |
Jerry Stackhouse's game-winner against the Clippers was his biggest shot since he stole the shit outta Jeff "Gargamel" Hornacek. |
6 |
Lakers
 |
This might be the year for Kobe to win that MVP. I'm just saying. |
7 |
Hornets
 |
If he's not better than Nash, then he's the closest one. And Peja gotta be more consistent. |
8 |
Blazers
 |
Nate Dogg is clearly the Coach of the Year. |
9 |
Jazz
 |
C'mon, 'Lenko! Don't do this to me. Not now. |
10 |
Magic
 |
So, news comes down that Dwight Howard's dick done landed in some pussy? Anyone shocked by this must be still waiting for him to make 75% of his FTs. I don't care what y'all say, Christianity has no chance against a pretty young lady with a wet snatch. History has proven this time and time again. |
11 |
Raptors
 |
Well, it's almost time to start questioning Bargnani over Aldridge, especially after Chris Bosh tried to them tell about that Texas Boy. |
12 |
Warriors
 |
Barnes looks and plays the game like a pretty boy drug dealer. He hacks the shit outta people and cries when the bigger, blacker and uglier dudes take over the block. |
13 |
Nuggets
 |
Hair lip Karl and crew are gonna get booted from the postseason like the Asian kids in an urban teen dance movie...expectedly and quietly. |
14 |
Cavs
 |
LeBron's entering that phase Jordan was at for the first seven years of his career, where his stats are so crazy no one even cares, because he aint winning shit. |
15 |
Wizards
 |
Brendan Haywood has truly established himself as the team's top big man in Etan's absence. Poetic justice, maybe? |
16 |
Rockets
 |
After seeing Yao's head in person, I can't say for sure whether it's bigger than Deion Sander's helmets used to be, but it's pretty massive. |
17 |
Nets
 |
I hope Jason Kidd doesn't get the Old Man ring a few years from now, as the backup on a great team. That's unfair to him. |
18 |
Hawks
 |
|
19 |
Pacers
 |
Dave Harrison gets suspended for weed and no one talks about it. What's it gonna take? This team has had more players in trouble than the Blazers ever did. Why don't they have the same rep? And don't tell me Portland is a bigger market than Indy. I think we know why. MMMMHUH. |
20 |
Bulls
 |
Sefolosha was supposed to be a steal, right? What happened? That Dirty Dutchman aint done shit. |
21 |
Bucks
 |
Gadzuric is just one of those intelligent guys who was blessed with height and athleticism, but has absolutely no interest in basketball. The lack of passion for something at which your very capable is fine for, say, doctors or plumbers, but it makes for a shitty basketball player. |
22 |
Bobcats
 |
At this point, it's kinda disingenuous for people to keep including Felton with Paul and Williams as being part of the great PG Draft of 2005. Monta Ellis deserves that mention more. |
23 |
Kings
 |
With their three best players out with injuries, the Kings have given 10 day contracts to Leon, the King and Duck, and the entire cast of Sunset Park. |
24 |
Clippers
 |
Elton's being traded. Maggette isn't re-upping. Livingston is fucked up. The Golden Years of the Clippers are over. |
25 |
76ers
 |
They just aren't as fun to watch anymore without Them Gilded 'Specs in that box, looking like a boxing promoter. |
26 |
Grizzlies
 |
Mike Conley Jr. has to be worried that Derrick Rose is stealing all his shine in Memphis. |
27 |
Sonics
 |
In two years, will we be debating Durant v. Green? Do not sleep on Jeff Green. |
28 |
Knicks
 |
HAHAHAHA!!! Dumars phoned in that favor for Zeke. Yeah, Joe. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! |
29 |
Heat
 |
Before biting into a Zinger for the first time in six years, Udonis Haslem said, "Fuck it...might as well." |
30 |
T-Wolves
 |
Kevin McHale, meet Kevin Love. |
