FIYA NBA Rankings #1 |
Rank |
Team |
FIYA Analysis |
1 |
Spurs
 |
Is Tony Parker even 25 yet? It's time to start mentioning him in the all-time PG talk. Also, the Manu dunk on Yao reminded me of the Sean Elliot joint back in the day. Them Spurs always know how to get that body contact boost on a dunk. |
2 |
Rockets
 |
Now, if this bitch ass team had some postseason toughness, they'd be over the Spurs, too. I'mma start calling these guys team Rush Hour 3, because it stars a black guy and an Asian guy and it bombs in the summer. |
3 |
Hornets
 |
Chris Paul is resurrecting Peja's career like Run DMC did with Aerosmith. |
4 |
Jazz
 |
I ain't seen two light skin niggas play this well off each other since Prince and Morris Day in their prime. And Ronnie Brewer 'bout to be Jerome. |
5 |
Mavs
 |
They didn't do one thing to improve this roster. 50+ wins and a boot in June. |
6 |
Pistons
 |
When Stuckey gets back, this team is going to kick the shit out of the East. |
7 |
Celtics
 |
Am I hating? Maybe. But, I'm also not putting them above six teams with proven postseason toughness...well, maybe four. As for the C's, there is nothing as certain as KG balling during the regular season, being all passionate, running down the court after a nice play, yelling "motherfucker!" Then looking for someone to save his ass in the post season like Commissioner Gordon hitting the switch on that big ass light. |
8 |
Nets
 |
Why does Vince overreact so much when he gets hurt? I swear he acts stupid like Jim Carrey after Tommy Davidson threw those spears at his thighs. |
9 |
Magic
 |
I'll believe Jameer Nelson is the guy when people stop acting surprised every time he plays like a PG with Howard down low and Turkulou and Lewis on the wings. |
10 |
Suns
 |
Why is D'Antoni playing Hill so much? Don't he know that man is 35 and has had five ankle surgeries? Did he acquire him just to make sure his career ends this year? |
11 |
Lakers
 |
After all the hoopla, Kobe is still in Los Angeles. I get the feeling he's never leaving. Well, not this year, anyway. |
12 |
Raptors
 |
TJ Ford is quietly working his way up the PG chart. |
13 |
Cavs
 |
Larry Hughes need to go back to that turnip bush he had, because he played his best ball with that look. |
14 |
Nuggets
 |
I hope Iverson and Melo invite Mike Vick to be a part of their crew. Seriously, just for the fuck of it. Mike Vick just showing up outta nowhere, hanging with them in Denver. And I hope no one even tries to explain that shit. Just leave it at "Oh, that's part of our crew---he's gettin in too." |
15 |
Clippers
 |
If Maggette was a gully ass nigga, he'd fake an injury and let Dunleavy squeeze some wins outta that horrible team. But, Maggs is in a contract year and he has to let bygones be bygones and ball so he can get that money so he can keep getting that Lauren London ass. |
16 |
Blazers
 |
All Oden's injury did was guarantee them another very good young player. If they get another top five pick, they might as well make their uniforms with capes on them shits, because it's gonna be the Super Friends up in Portland. |
17 |
Warriors
 |
|
18 |
Bobcats
 |
If someone told me Sean May had eaten more peanut butter and jelly sandwiches than anyone else in the history of the world, I can't say I'd be surprised. |
19 |
Pacers
 |
Grand Opening. Grand Closing. I know damn well y'all didn't think that start was real. They are sorry. And when they in the lottery next May, Bad Dad better be answering some hard questions, like "Um, how did you fuck this up so quickly and hideously?" |
20 |
Knicks
 |
I would imagine that finally coming to terms with the fact that Eddy Curry will never being a great rebounder is like a woman coming to terms with the fact that her man will never be a good fuck. It's like, she knows he's a good dude and he tries hard, but it just aint happening, so it's time to look elsewhere when she wants her back blown out. |
21 |
Grizzlies
 |
Did anyone else see that Rudy Gay block on LaMarcus Aldridge? Good, because he won't do anything else until next month. |
22 |
Bulls
 |
Maybe this is the year people will stop taking them seriously. I never have. Kirk Hinrich is their starting PG. |
23 |
Heat
 |
Why is everyone saying Shaq is terrible? He's still a top three center. STILL! |
24 |
76ers
 |
My Iggy fantasy basketball experiment isn't all I thought it would be so far. I took him with my second pick in every damn league, whereas I usually take Booz. I swear I feel like a dude who just dumped his lovely wife for a young dumb slut. |
25 |
Bucks
 |
Charlie Villanueva is on pace to mumble the most anti-Asian racial slurs on American soil since World War II. Yi is fucking that boy's money up, while 250 million Chinese are partying off his misery. |
26 |
Sonics
 |
Man, those people are in their coffee shops on their laptops, laughing at David Stern's megalomaniacal ass. Dave, take the team out of Seattle and see if they give a fuck. |
27 |
Hawks
 |
Reminder: Jay Bilas said Josh Smith would be a huge bust. That's it. |
28 |
Wizards
 |
Back to the days of late-lottery glory, eh? Gilbert's knee got more fluid in it than Lil' Kim's stomach. I can wait until they select some awful ACC post player and shitty Big Ten guard. |
29 |
Kings
 |
This used to be one of the most exciting teams to watch, now it's the most boring team in the league. |
30 |
T-Wolves
 |
74 losses and McHale keeps his job. |
