As blatant and pathetic as Stern’s stretching of these playoffs has been, once it’s all done with, it will be sad to see the NBA season finally come to an end. But, while we have one more set of games to appreciate, let us savor this last asskicking of a series that is upon us. Sorry for not building this thing up just because it’s The Finals, but I cannot see Cleveland winning more than one game, this series (the first one, if the Spurs are still asleep). Nothing against the B&B boys (‘Bron & Boobie), but Cleveland simply does not match up well against San Antonio. I could give a fuck less if they swept them during the regular season. This is the post season and this is what San Antonio does…every other year or so.
The biggest factor in the series, of course, is LeBron. What will he do to follow up the legendary game 5 in Detroit? I hope it’s not that stinker he threw up in game 6 of that same series. I marveled like the rest of you when he dropped those 29 straight points on Flip’s block ass head, but his jumper went right back to being as broke as my uncle’s El Camino, the next game. And duty gets no easier with Bowen waiting in the shadows. Bruce will step on that boy’s foot if he makes three shots in a row. Muscle head ain’t playing. Neither are the rest of the Spurs, who all play defense like Detroit used to do. With Gibson no longer being able to play the role of the spoiler, not to mention have Tony Parker running at him 100 mph, someone else is going to have to step up and my question is, who the fuck is going to? Big Z? He may play well the first game, but as he runs out of gas, Coach Jeezy better not look in Side Show Bob’s direction. Him and Gooden will be much too busy getting their asses handed to them on the block by that three-times Finals MVP guy. Then---
Jesus, I’m trying to get three paragraphs here, but I’m struggling. What else can I talk about besides LeBron and the 18 weapons the Spurs have? Shit. Aight, I’ve got something; here’s what the San Antonio players will be thinking as the whistle blows, cementing their latest title:
Brent Barry
"So, you're telling me Jon Barry is my brother? But, we're nothing alike. He doesn't have my cool hair or any rhythm. I can crip-walk, you know."
Matt Bonner
“So, I DO get ring? Fuckin Boss!”
Bruce Bowen
“Hey, I made $3.7 this year, why the fuck did I bust my ass going to school like I care about a degree. I'm rich.”
Jackie Butler
“Thanks Zeke.”
Tim Duncan
“Another year, another title. I think I’ll reward myself with a dozen ugly Sean Jean shirts from Marshalls. I'll need them for press conferences, next season.”
Francisco Elson
“Am I really real or just a Create-a-player from NBA Live?”
Melvin Ely
“A nigga is gonna smoke so much muhfuckin weed, goddamn, I can’t wait to roll up.”
Michael Finley
“Well, looky here. Four years later and the blame boy from Dallas is a champion while the two ‘stars’ are just celebrated losers. Shawn Marion, hollar atcha boy.”
Manu Ginobili
“Please let Mike Tirico interview me. He ’s balder, so it won’t look as bad.”
Robert Horry
“Seven, hahahahahahha. Wanna hear something funny? I don’t particularly care either way.”
Fabricio Oberto
“All I want out of this is a signature hair rubber-band and bottle of wine.”
Tony Parker
“Wait, I’m getting married, how the fuck that happen? What was I thinking?”
Beno Udrih
“Yeah, fuck was you thinking, French nigga?”
Jacque Vaughn
“I’m still in the fucking league? The back end of this contract with the Devil can’t be good for me.”
James White
“One year and a championship? That’s a slam dunk...pun intended, because, see, I dunk very well.”
Coach Pop
“Hey, PJ here comes Latrell---Why you jumpin?---But, why you jumpin though? ahehehe.” 
