FIYA NBA
Rankings #5 |
Rank |
Team |
FIYA Analysis |
1 |
Jazz
 |
To any stupid nigga that still hates Booz for "what he did to that blind man": I hope you come face to face with Gordon Gund in NYC and he tells the NYPD you stole his wallet after you hit him over the head with a pistol. His blind ass is ruthless that way. |
2 |
Spurs
 |
Congrats to Tony and Eva on their engagement. I hope when they jump the broom, Bruce Bowen sticks his foot under Eva's heel and fucks her ankle up. |
3 |
Magic
 |
They need to re-sign G. Hill for the vet's minimum, next year and give Mike Bibby the difference this summer, because Jameer's gonna hold them back. Captain Ankle, Dr. Evil and The Christian Avenger all on one squad in the East? The Legion of Doom can't even fuck with that. |
4 |
Mavs
 |
For the second year in a row, I maintain this team cannot win the title until Devin Harris fulfills his potential. What is he waiting for? |
5 |
Rockets
 |
Yao Ming's progression has been so steady and deliberate that people just don't recognize how dominant he is now. |
6 |
Suns
 |
Are you starting to see just how important Amare is in the grand scheme of things? Very good, I knew you would. |
7 |
Pistons
 |
The only black man who ever cried about a ship-jumping rat named Ben was Michael Jackson. Chauncey and Rip are doing fine without him. |
8 |
Lakers
 |
You know who I'd hate to be a hater of these days? Kobe. |
9 |
Nuggets
 |
Speaking of haters, Melo-haters tryna ignore his season like it's a roach in a cute chick's apartment. Y'all see this shit. Don't play dumb. |
10 |
Cavs
 |
When you have to start copping pleas about Larry Hughes' absence, LeBron is not doing what a superstar should do...carry his team. |
11 |
Warriors
 |
If Jason Richardson had any business sense, he'd know his ass is 'bout to get traded. But, he just stays on the bench, smiling like it's all good. Dumb ass nigga. |
12 |
Kings
 |
Ron Ron's back is the opposite of his music career...Hot. |
13 |
Clippers
 |
This is what happens when signing Tim Thomas is your only significant offseason move. |
14 |
Nets
 |
Kidd leads this team in rebounds? I feel sorry for this guy. He should be competing with Magic and Zeke for best all-time. Instead, he's been doomed to play with bums, halfwits and softies his entire life. |
15 |
Pacers
 |
I can identify about five steals in the 2005 Draft and Danny Granger is not one of them. |
16 |
Heat
 |
Shaq's knee has held them hostage long enough. It's time to make a trade. |
17 |
Hornets
 |
Chris Paul and J.R. would make a great tandem. Thanks, a lot Byron. |
18 |
Blazers
 |
I can see this team kicking ass in two years. Jack, Roy, Aldridge, Zach and Martell. That's a beast squad. |
19 |
Hawks
 |
If this team makes the playoffs, Joe Johnson is a top 10 player. No questions asked. |
20 |
Sonics
 |
Ray Allen must think setting three-pointer records and averaging 23 points for a decade gets you in the Hall of Fame. You know what's sad? He might be right. |
21 |
T-Wolves
 |
I recently asked KG if Randy Foye's recent play gives him any hope for the future and he said, "No." |
22 |
Bulls
 |
Skiles' coaching philosophy: "When all else fails, start Duhon." You know what that means, right? Just good enough for a first round exit. |
23 |
76ers
 |
Shav Randolph likes God a lot more than God likes him. |
24 |
Knicks
 |
The Wizard gave them too much heart and not enough brains. Steph committed a blocking foul on T.J. Ford 50 feet away from the cup, the other night. Damn, that's a dumb big head dude. |
25 |
Celtics
 |
Wally and Pierce got hurt? You're too good to me, God. |
26 |
Wizards
 |
|
27 |
Raptors
 |
I like the what Colangelo is doing in Toronto. He's filling his roster with international players, because he knows niggas don't wanna play there. Very crafty, that guy. |
28 |
Bucks
 |
Andrew Bogut is doing just enough to not be called a bust by fair-minded observers. Whatever, he's a bust. |
29 |
Bobcats
 |
My condolences to all the Felton owners. I'm pretty sure some of you wasted 2nd and 3rd round picks on him. That's gotta suck. |
30 |
Grizzlies
 |
Eddie Jones probably sits around smoking cigars all day, waiting to be traded. Well, Eddie, you might as well stop dreaming, because Davis and Laettner are on a budget and they're letting your 16 million expire, doggie. Speaking of trades, Miller for Maggette could be coming very soon. |
