FIYA NBA
Rankings #20 |
Rank |
Team |
FIYA Analysis |
1 |
Spurs
|
Next time you watch the Spurs, think about this: Is there
another job that Timmy is as uniquely qualified for as professional
assassin? I really don't think so. I think he could kill someone
for money with that same bored ass expression he plays with
every night. |
2 |
Pistons
|
Since
I've been watching that new reality series on FX called
Black. White, I can't shake the feeling that Ben Wallace
is really the Ultimate Warrior with a good makeup job. |
3 |
Heat
|
|
4 |
Suns
|
Yeah, Amare really ruined the chemistry. Every person who
said that dumb shit should be made to stand under the basketball
and allow Amare dunk on them, without any chance of a charge
being called. |
5 |
Mavs
|
What's black and white and red all over? Josh Howard busting
Dirk in the fucking nose after Dirk blames him in the playoffs. |
6 |
Clippers
|
Chris
Kaman looks like a mass murderer. Him and Pau Gasol are
what Stephen King's dreams are made of. |
7 |
Nuggets
|
If
Camby could stay healthy for a full season, I guarantee
you he'd average something like 13ppg, 14rpg, 3apg and
3.5bpg and
all the Pistons would look at Ben Wallace like "Damn, nigga.you
can't score 13 points?" |
8 |
Cavs
|
By getting Flip Murray to be Kato to Bron's Green Hornet,
Danny Ferry has paid his debt to the city of Cleveland. (15
years from now: Cleveland GM Carlos Boozer lands OJ Mayo in
a three-team deal AND saves a blind kid from drowning) |
9 |
Grizzlies
|
Remember
who said this first: Shane Battier is Bruce Bowen's replacement
on the Spurs, very soon. |
10 |
Nets
|
Kristic is making a valiant effort, but the Nets just don't
have the post players. |
11 |
Lakers
|
If Kwame keeps this up and turns into a solid NBA player,
the first analyst I hear give Cheesy Eye Jordan some credit
for drafting him, I will grab my Sig and a shovel, and I will
walk to their house and knock on their door at dinner time.
That's all I'm gonna say, because I don't wanna incriminate
myself. |
12 |
Pacers
|
Bad Dad wants to break up the team and get rid of all the
players he traded for? TOLD YA SO. He's a shitty GM. Contenders
to rebuilding in three seasons and your franchise player isn't
even 28? Wow. |
13 |
Kings
|
Ron Ron and Dr. Evil are gonna give some team hell in a few
weeks. |
14 |
Wizards
|
Gilbert, Jamison and Butler would be better off playing 3-on-5. |
15 |
Bucks
|
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA..CHARLIE
HAPPY!!!! LMAO!!!! HE IN THE LEAGUE!!! HE HAPPY!!!! LMAO!!!!!
HELL YEAH, CHARLIE!!! GET YOURS, NIGGA!!!! |
16 |
Jazz
|
Personally, I think Boozer should stay in Utah. That frontline
is young and awesome. You already left Bron, Booz. Don't be
stupid. |
17 |
Hornets
|
I
have no idea why they're not playing well, right now. Maybe
it has something to do with them not being that good. |
18 |
76ers
|
Chris Webber is playing like every earthbound Euro big man
is expected to play. Fundamentally sound. |
19 |
Bulls
|
Gordon is back on the bench. It didn't work, Ben. Now, shut
up, before you get traded. Nevermind, you're getting traded
anyway. |
20 |
Rockets
|
Man,
where is Pat Morita when you need him? He needs to do something
about Mac's back. |
21 |
Warriors
|
Dunleavy thinks he's slick. He tried to play well for a week
to trick some team into trading for him. NOPE! You gotta stay
there and watch Baron and J-Rich smoke weed after practice
for the next 4 years, Dunny. Cry. Shoulda kept your ass at
Duke for your senior year and you wouldn't have to worry about
stuff like this. |
22 |
Celtics
|
If
Redick is there, Ainge will do it. It is Boston.
*wink* |
23 |
T-Wolves
|
If he doesn't force a trade in the off-season by way of bitching
or threatening lives in the Minne front office with a semi-automatic
weapon, it's his own fault. |
24 |
Sonics
|
Shawn Kemp wants back in the league. Whaddaya say, Seattle? |
25 |
Raptors
|
If
they draft Adam Morrison, he can loan Charlie his mustache
when he has a big date. |
26 |
Magic
|
Seems like the Bronze Brown effect is wearing off Darko. |
27 |
Blazers
|
Nate
McMillan asked each of his PGs to offer a fair solution
to who should be the full-time starter. Telfair suggested a
foot race. Jack suggested a head-butting contest. And Blake
suggested that they all be blindfolded and dropped off in the
middle of Appalachia and whoever makes it back to Portland
first wins. |
28 |
Hawks
|
It's
going to be interesting to see who they trade this summer.
I can't help but think that sign and trade with Jefferson for
Marbury is coming. |
29 |
Knicks
|
I'd
like to welcome all the other journalists who are just
starting to realize this entire debacle is Larry Brown's
fault. What gave you the hint, guys? Could it have been
everyone associated with the organization during Brown's
tenure from Dolan, Steph, Ariza, Antonio Davis, Mo Taylor
and Francis, practically putting it all in his lap? |
30 |
Bobcats
|
The Felton Era has begun. |
