FIYA NBA
'08
**Season Preview** |
Rank |
Team |
FIYA Analysis |
1 |
Celtics
 |
I'm gonna agree with KG and say that it's gonna be easier for them to repeat than it was for them to win the title. By the way, Am I the only one who wants to hang out with KG and his boys and play NBA 2K9 all day? Them niggas got good comedy and be having fun. |
2 |
Lakers
 |
Best frontcourt in the world. More rebounding than Jennifer Aniston. More scoring than Kate Hudson. More blocking than Queen Latifah. If y'all didn't get all that, we're in for a long season. |
3 |
Spurs
 |
Insurance salesman George Hill and attorney Roger Mason will shore up the Spurs backcourt this season. |
4 |
Hornets
 |
Watch out for Julian Wright. Aint too many people talking about him, but we're due for a good, lanky, long-neck swing player. Jared Jeffries blew his chance. |
5 |
Pistons
 |
If Kwame becomes a good player in Detroit, Joe D is finally off the hook for Darko. |
6 |
Suns
 |
Oldest team ever. |
7 |
Jazz
 |
|
8 |
Cavs
 |
We should know whether Mo Williams is making any difference by the second week. |
9 |
76ers
 |
Do not sleep. Iggy's going to be even better with a serious post scoring threat opening things up for him. |
10 |
Magic
 |
Time for Howard to show us how good he'll be. I'm calling 26 and 15. He's gonna hit his FTs this year. But, the team will come up short, because even Super Mario can be foiled by goombas. |
11 |
Mavs
 |
So, we've come full circle. At the 1936 Olympics, an African-American athlete had to prove his greatness to a little German dictator named Adolph. During the 2007 NBA season, a German did his best to prove his greatness to a little African-American dictator named Avery. Today that same German tries to figure out why he's working in America for a Caucasian idiot named George--errrr--Rick. |
12 |
Raptors
 |
J.O. has been telling everyone who will listen that he's healthy for the first time in three years. Let's see. |
13 |
Blazers
 |
Place your bets: first one of them young boys to bitch about playing time. I'm going with Travis Outlaw. |
14 |
Heat
 |
I won't be the least bit surprised if they make the conference finals, or if someone tries to choke Beasley to death for fuckin their girl. |
15 |
Rockets
 |
When your three best players will all miss more than 10 games, due to injury or suspension, you're lucky to even be ranked this high. |
16 |
Nuggets
 |
If Iverson would pass Melo that ball as unselfishly as he passes him those blunts, they'd have a lot of success. |
17 |
Bucks
 |
Look for Chucky V to explode this season...when they give Joe Alexander his starting spot, right before Christmas. |
18 |
Hawks
 |
After learning that Josh Childress received 20 million tax-free, Speedy Claxton approached some European teams, in hopes of landing a similar agreement. He had a great offer from CSKA Moscow, but negotiations stalled when the club wouldn't agree to "get a big ass helicopter and, like, airlift Magic City to Russia and shit." |
19 |
Wizards
 |
If they start off hot without Gil, I expect some wonderful controversy. Gil gonna be on that bench with his laptop, playing poker and blogging during games. |
20 |
Bulls
 |
Gooden and Noah are perfect case studies in the two types of the light skinned black post players. There are only two types, if you didn't know. There's The Pussy with the nice skill set, and The Gully Ass Bamma who would keep playing with a severe nose bleed and soak the floor with his blood. You figure out which is which.
*
Hint: Tim Duncan is both. |
21 |
Warriors
 |
DeMarcus Nelson is built just like The Abomination from Resident Evil. Fitting, since he's a 6-1 small forward starting at point guard for an NBA team. |
22 |
Clippers
 |
No more Elgin, y'all. End of an era. I'm sure they'll manage to be terrible without him. |
23 |
Pacers
 |
Danny Granger and Mike Dunleavy are the keys to winning every fantasy league you enter this season, folks. Remember that. Anyway, I'm glad Roy Hibbert cut his damn bush. Nigga looked like a tenured black math instructor. |
24 |
Kings
 |
Kevin Martin joins the pantheon of 25ppg SGs on shit teams. Congrats, Kevin. Get those checks and then get outta there. |
25 |
Timberwolves
 |
How many times will dumb, country ass Al get hit in the face by a no look pass from Love? |
26 |
Knicks
 |
Despite all the press to the contrary, I can see Duhon and Marbury hanging out a lot. They both like to party hard after they lose. |
27 |
Nets
 |
Vince is just gonna look good enough so that other teams will want him. |
28 |
Grizzlies
 |
I look forward to seeing watching Rudy's facial progressions during Mayo's 25 FG attempt games. |
29 |
Thunder
 |
Earl Watson is the king of being an efficient bum and starting for a bad team. Efficient bum PGs usually start for good teams. Earl is startin a new trend. |
30 |
Bobcats
 |
Emeka, Jason and Gerald have completely different lifestyles than everyone else on the team. Besides being 25 or older and making eight figures, they're the only Bobcats who know what's like to be a worthy NBA starter. |
All
NBA First Team
G: Chris Paul
G: Kobe Bryant
F: Kevin Garnett
F: LeBron James
C: Dwight Howard
All NBA Second Team
G: Dwayne Wade
G: Deron Williams
F: Carlos Boozer
F: Tim Duncan
C: Andrew Bynum
All NBA Third Team
G: Steve Nash
G: Allen Iverson
F: Carmelo Anthony
F: Dirk Nowitzki
C: Greg Oden
All Rookie First Team
Michael Beasley
OJ Mayo
Greg Oden
Kevin Love
Derrick Rose
All Rookie Second Team
Eric Gordon
Brook Lopez
Robin Lopez
Jerryd Bayless
Russell Westbrook
