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“I was gonna drive around
the corner and get a blow job.”
-Charles Barkley
Drunk ass political hopeful.

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Top 11 Blackest Moments In Wrestling, Part 1. (part 1, here)
by: Trevor Burns, for Special Features

Black wrestlers rarely get to shine, but you know when they do, they make the moments classic. Can't seem to recall? I was hoping you would say that...

5. JunkYard Dog’s Grab Dem Cakes video
Before O.D.B., JYD was for the original black man for the kids. He elevated Queen’s Another One Bites The Dust into a six to 12-year-old anthem. Then he went for self and recorded the Slammy worthy Grab Dem Cakes, filled with such inspirational lines, such as “Gotta grab it grab it grab it.” As any classic, it has withstood the test of time as its presently better than any snap record you’ll hear on the radio, this year.

4. Ron Simmons winning the W.C.W. title
Before he became one word, he was the first black WCW Heavyweight Champion. I was proud as shit. Still am. And I’m not joking. Thinking back to that moment just makes me say, DAMN! (Alright, that was cheap, but you already knew it was coming)

3. Booker T calling himself "The Book"/breaking character when Cryme Tyme stole his wallet.
Tie, can't decide:

a) Booker is pushing Rocky for the most entertaining wrestler title. The King Bookah gimmick is gold, but during his feud with The Rock a couple years ago, he arguably outdid Dwayne when he started calling himself “The Book.” What a brilliant shark. It didn’t even make sense. That’s probably what made it so funny. The first time he said it, Rocky wanted to laugh so bad he probably peed in his trunks. Booker just wanted some attention. Comedic genius.

b) Just a few weeks ago, I happened to catch the Kang addressing an announcer when these two G-Unit lookin niggas fittingly named Cryme Tyme bust in to dap brother Booker up. He denounced them and stayed in royal character until he realized one of them stole his wallet, to which he responded in the street linguistics, “Ohhhhh, HELL NAW, they stole my wallet!” Shame on me for not being ready. Truth be told, I almost killed myself. I had a little cold and I was coughing when he banged that line out, so my cough got mixed in with the laugh and the result was one of those wino lung laugh-coughs. I blacked out for a second or so, but it was worth it.

2. The Rock getting his ass beat by Stone Cold & Vince / His shirt
The Rock could have realistically held seven or eight of the spots on this list with his shtick, but I’ve narrowed it down to two Rock moments:

a) WrestleMania XIX. Rocky fought Stone Cold in Texas—Need I say more? Those rednecks booed the shit out of him, even though he was the “good guy.” Obviously no one there cared about the whole storyline thing. So, at the end of the match, Vince McMahon comes to the ring and along with Stone Cold they proceed to beat the dogshit out of Rocky with chairs, belts, whips, and shackles from the Middle Passage. After he’s unconscious and Austin finally pins him, they do this scan of the crowd and you see this overwhelming synergy of ‘CISM flowing throughout the arena. This was the first time, post puberty, that I ever thought wrestling was real. I still remember sitting there with my roommate, both of us uncomfortably silent until I break it with the question, “Why do I feel like I just witnessed a public lynching?” That was some great acting for a black man to get his ass beat like that on Pay Per View and not wanna walk out of there.

b) This nigga wore them ugly ass Versace shirts every week for like a year straight. Goddamn that was FIYA. He would tell you every week in third person how much they cost. “The Rock comes down here in his five-hundred dollar shirt.” He wanted people to know! Hahahahaha, black people care about them labels. BLACK! Hahahahahaha!

1. Hogan as a part of the N.W.O. with the black beard
I know he’s white, but his beard was black, so back off. That beard was the greatest character in the history of wrestling. Hogan’s All American shtick was getting old, so he painted his beard black, called himself Hollywood and became the biggest coward in “sports entertainment. “(what the fuck is a sports entertainment, people?) I remember when the Ultimate Warrior came to WCW to collect a check and called out Hogan. That 70-year-old man’s eyes got big and in the greatest televised zoom-out of all time, the cameraman got a shot of Hogan’s knees as they were actually shaking. It looked like Hector or Spike anticipating Heathcliff rounding that corner. I fell off the couch and pointed to the screen with both index fingers laughing uncontrollably. Greatest wrestling shit, ever.