FiyaStarter.com - Reel Hot with Reggie Eggert

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“I was gonna drive around
the corner and get a blow job.”
-Charles Barkley
Drunk ass political hopeful.

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Reggie Eggert (30)

-Loves any movie with black people in it.
--Reggie was fired from BET.com for giving a 4-star review to Woo, which is quite possibly the worst movie ever made. Yes, worse than that. Yup, that too. It’s unforgivably bad. Reggie has learned his lesson. He promised not to give any movie with Jada Pinkett Smith in it for more than 20 minutes a rating higher than 2 and ½, because that’s all they deserve.

FiyaStarter RATING =

Fiyaballs

Movie Review

War
Twist, Deflate.
by: Reggie Eggert, for Entertainment

Now, you may read a number of reviews, or simply hear from friends and obnoxious people on the train about how bad War was, due to drawn out dialogue, the tired Asian Triad storyline, as well as the lack of fight scenes between Jet Li and Jason Statham, but just wait for them to start bitching about how ridiculous “that twist” was and you’ll be able to decipher their true feelings.

Truthfully, “that twist” is what saves War from receiving a lone Fiyaball. Any time you’re not M. Night Shyamalan and you have me wondering what “that twist” is going to be for a solid 80 minutes and it still gets me, I have no choice but to up a movie’s rating out of respect.

I’m actually a lot like those people, in that I pride myself on figuring out shit ahead of time, so I can enjoy the heart of the movie and appreciate how the director makes everything fit to set up “that twist.” But, where I differ from those morons is that if I don’t figure “that twist” out, I won’t hate on a film, just because of it.

I’ll tell you the movie sucks, but, I will show respect for “that twist.”

Having said that, War kinda sucked. Mostly, for reasons already stated; there was way too much dialogue, Triad angles are not fun anymore and not only did Li and Statham have very few fight scenes, but more disappointingly, only one unmemorable one between them. That’s what pissed me the fuck off, and I know that no-line delivering diminutive Jet was behind it all.

Dude, we know you wanna back up off the choreographed Martial Arts scenes. However ridiculous that may be, ok---fine, that’s your dumb ass decision. But, don’t sacrifice a scene and ultimately a movie based on that dumb ass decision. This movie could have been so much better if Li just replaced a conversation here and there with a few sharp kicks to somebody's head.

Them ‘Arts are what you’re good at, nigga! Just imagine if LeBron James decided to stop going to the bucket, dunking on people’s necks and hung out on the three-point line. If he had to play a good team like the Spurs, his team would be swep---oh yeah, damn, um…disregard that. Honestly, I totally forgot.

At this point, I’m sure you’re curious to know what “that twist” is, and while I won’t divulge it to your nosey ass, I will say, just remember Jet hasn’t played a villain since he gave Hell to Mel Gibson and Danny Glover in the Chris Rock Lethal Weapon.

No, nerds, The One doesn’t count.