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FiyaStarter RATING =  FiyaballsMovie Review
It took all of fifteen minutes for Michael Bay to relieve me of my worries as Transformers not only put my silly doubts to bed, but far and away exceeded my expectations. Goddamn, it was FIYA! This movie had everything y’all: Explosions, a love story, comic relief, more explosions, aliens, history lessons, good, evil, technology, conspiracy theories, Anthony Anderson in a Clinton Portis Jersey getting off on Dance Dance Revolution, and yes more explosions. I know that’s the running joke with Bay. Entourage even found a way to take a blast at Bay, last season. Well, looky now. Vince is broke and Bay is doing them Pirates numbers. Lemme tell you people, as far as blowing things up is concerned, Michael Bay is the DJ Khalid of the action movie set. He the besssss. Nope, he the besssss. I won’t go as far as saying the movie was perfect. I was a bit disappointed Megatron was a jet instead of a gun and that Bumblebee was a Camaro instead of a Volkswagen, but at least in the case of the latter, there was no choice left as the fag car brand didn’t want to be associated with a war story or whatever so they had to find another automobile maker. Oh well, it wasn’t even bad and after they threw the subliminal blowing out a yellow Beetle’s windows, on Bernie Mac’s car lot (easily trumped his Ocean’s 13 role) you never even gave it a second thought. And if you did, you let it go as soon as Optimus Prime made his grand entrance. My damn smile was…
That is one powerful fucking voice. It just commands respect. All parents should have an Optimus Prime voice decoder in the home at all times. As soon as a bad ass kid gets out of line, you turn on that decoder and I bet you those little brats will fall in line. I’d like to see a study done with that decoder in the home. Oh yeah, John Voight, Josh Duhamel and Tyrese give great performances and President Bush is painted the fool for the umpteenth time in the last five minutes. Five.
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FIYA NFL Ranks: Week 11 |
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If you’re a 1980’s baby much like me, despite all of the praise Transformers has been receiving over the past few weeks by so called “experts,” you still walked into that theater last week with more skepticism than a vegetarian to the grill at a black cookout. I mean, I still remember a particular mid 80’s Christmas where all I wanted were some damn Hasbro robots, but of course my mother being all secretive and shit tanked and I ended up with a gang of He-Man action figures. My neighbor Hector, is running around with Starscream and I’m sitting there with played out Beast Man, looking flabby and sick. I don’t think I said shit to that lady ‘til after New Years.
