FiyaStarter.com - Reel Hot with Reggie Eggert

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“I'm completely wrong.”
-Steve Smith
Panthers receiver, rumored character
in next Punisher film.

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Reggie Eggert (30)

-Loves any movie with black people in it.
--Reggie was fired from BET.com for giving a 4-star review to Woo, which is quite possibly the worst movie ever made. Yes, worse than that. Yup, that too. It’s unforgivably bad. Reggie has learned his lesson. He promised not to give any movie with Jada Pinkett Smith in it for more than 20 minutes a rating higher than 2 and ½, because that’s all they deserve.

FiyaStarter RATING =

Fiyaballs

Movie Review

This Christmas
This Christmas Big Mama Makes Soul Food Again.
by: Reggie Eggert, for Entertainment

Yes, they are piggybacking off Tyler Perry. So what? You see that 28 million they pulled in the first week? That says it all. Copy Tyler, y'all. Make you some money!

Calling all aspiring black directors, screenwriters, producers and actors! COPY TYLER PERRY! GET PAID! HIRE OTHER PEOPLE TO COPY TYLER SO THEY CAN GET PAID!

Unlike Hip-Hop, diversity is not what's needed in black filmmaking. I think what's needed is painfully obvious; everybody needs to just copy Tyler and make them some money. If we do that, we can hire more talent in all aspects of filmmaking and then branch out into making artsy-fartsy crap. The makers of This Christmas weren't even bullshittin' with y'all. From the ultra-controlling asshole husband (Laz Alonzo) and his faithful wife (Regina "GOTdamn!" King) to the career-minded sista (Sharon "Lips" Leal) who finds herself a good man (Mekhi Phifer), this is a Tyler Perry joint.

Loretta "Eternally Aggravated" Devine plays Big Mama in this one and acquits herself quite well. She's believably ambivalent towards sex, worried to death and overweight; she's everything a Big Mama should be. As a bonus, her character's name is Ma'Dere. Does it get any better? Ma'Dere is the head of the Whitfield family. All the Whitfield kids have returned home this year, bringing their problems with them to worry Mama to death. They are led by the oldest and most irresponsible, prodigal son Quentin, played by Idris Elba and his nappy ass fauxhawk. This damn fool got David Banner and some smoke-lipped bamma chasing him all over the movie because of a gambling debt. The oldest daughter, Lisa (King), is stuck in a bad marriage to a philandering money-grubber.

The youngest daughter, Melanie, played by luscious and lovely Lauren London, has brought home her new boyfriend, which she does every year, because she's a little whore. The middle daughter, Kellie (Leal) needs her back blown out, or else she'll pick fights with her siblings forever. Middle son Claude (Columbus "I banged Britney" Short) is playing Crow in the Snow and don't want Mama to know (It rhymed, you mad?). And, lastly, Chris Brown plays The R&B/Hip-hop Star Cast To Ensure This Shit Turns A Profit At The Box Office.

Now, do you see why Ma'Dere is so worried and don't feel like being bothered with Delroy Lindo's creepy ass? Delroy was tryna fix everybody's problems just so Big Mama could stop worrying long enough to give him some ass. Damn, you pressed like shit, Delroy! It ain't all about you. Do you know Delroy paid David Banner and Smoke Lips 10Gs to settle Quentin's gambling debt? He didn't pay up because he cared about that dude. He was paying 10K for some pussy. He ain't fool me.

Anyway, you know all the kids worked it out and they had a wonderful Christmas. And you know who closed out the proceedings, right? Chris Brown, y'all! Them young girls went crazy in that theater. I frowned at first, I ain't gonna lie. Then, I remembered it's all about that box office and making white people mad at another black movie making money. And they did the Black Movie Cast Soul Train Dance During The Closing Credits.

Wonderful.