 |
||||||||
l
|
||||||||
- Wanna submit something?
|
FiyaStarter RATING =  (3½)
Fiyaballs
Sitting in my living room, I recently figured out why I started caring so much about Superman. It seems to have all started around 2002 when the world began sucking Spiderman’s dick through that slit on his Underoos bottoms. Now, Reggie’s no hater, I loved both Spiderman films as much as the next guy, but I just didn’t appreciate how much people went out of their way to boost Spidey at the expense of Supes. Why, I asked? Just then, Nas’ Hate Me Now music video, caught my attention as he exclaimed, “Fear what they don’t understand, hate what they can’t conquer, I guess it’s just the fury of man.” So, yeah, Spiderman is Jay to Superman’s Nas and here’s why Spidey like Jay will lose: Superman is better and he’s the OG. It’s really that simple. Look, I’m not even talking numbers. Neither is capable of doing Aquaman digits, anyway. Maybe this generation has been brainwashed up to this point into forgetting how great Krypton’s last son is, but all that’s about to change. Clark Kent was the first cinematic crime fighting hero star and Kryptonite aside; he will fuck you up effortlessly and better than anyone else. He’s perfect and impenetrable. The Mary Mary of crime fighting, if you will. Did you see that scene on the trailer where dude tried to shoot him in his eye and that shit just folded like a bitch ass seven-foot German Power Forward during the NBA Finals? Tell me it didn’t make you wanna run to a kiosk and get a ticket? Don’t lie to me, fanboy. Furthermore, the love story between Clark and Lois is way better than Peter and Mary Jane. Truth is, Peter is just scared of the trim. You see Mary Jane? She’s an Amazon. You can’t come to that party tapping your feet, you gotta have your Chris Brown crumpin and backflippin’ game on up in that camp. Parker is afraid and Clark evidently is not. Now, on to the film: Superman Returns reassured me to never trust early reports of how good or bad a movie will be. At first it was the end of Bryan Singer’s career as a director and the butt of all Superhero movie jokes. Then it was just an “ok” film that might pull in decent numbers because of loyal fans. Currently, it’s hotter than Louisiana hot sauce and rightfully so. Brandon Routh, who plays Clark Kent as well as Chris Reeves himself, returns from a sketchy trip and finds many things have changed, namely Lois Lane (Kate Bosworth), as she is now engaged with a kid. If that’s not more than enough for Clark to deal with, Lex Luthor (Kevin Spacey) has been released from jail and immediately has his latest plan to take over the world mapped out. Yadda yadda, Cyclops gets owned and your film is over. As much as I wanted Superman to be better than Spiderman, I can’t say it is. Returns started off great, but it was just too long. Too much time was spent establishing Luthor’s plan. We didn’t need all that. Don’t get me wrong, it’s still a great movie, but it seems like it was made with the set up for the sequel in mind. Told you I wasn't a homotional fanboy. Jay still lost though.
|
FIYA NFL Ranks: Week 10 |
||||||
I’m
no nerd, but I’ll
admit to doing a very nerdesque thing over the past couple
of years. I periodically checked on the progress of the Superman franchise.
Yes, I visited superhero and upcoming movie sites looking for
any and all info on a guy I last saw setting up Richard Pryor
jokes (sorry, I didn’t see part IV: Quest For Peace,
I was warned). Anyway, it seemed like every time I came up
on a Supes update they were either stuck on the script or the
actor that was to risk becoming the next Dean Cain (who was
an awesome Scott Peterson in some horrible movie of the week,
if I may say so). 