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FiyaStarter RATING = 
FiyaballsMovie Review
Nigga, are you serious? As is my custom with comic book/video game movies, I just throw the plot outta the window and get right to the point: Man, them powers (Spider powers to be exact) were tight as shit. Spidey got some new shit where he be squirting these lil' webby tennis balls, and they sting the fuck outta his enemies...all over the body and upside the head. And he needed some new stuff, because, as you may know already, they threw everything at P-Double in this joint. He had to fight three--that's right, THREE--super villains, in Sandman, Venom and The Green Goblin. Man, that is a lotta fuckin' evil. I was starting to wonder if Spidey could deal with all that. He barely escaped with his life when he took on Doc Ock, so I wasn't too confident on this one. I mean, I know it's a movie and the good guy is gonna always win, but...really, you never know. They coulda put the French Cinema ending on this muhfucka and made lil kids cry and shit, having Spidey die holding Mary Jane’s hand at the end or some nonsense. However, all my fears were put to rest when dat symbiote attached itself to Pete and gave him them intergalactic powers. Man, that damn symby suit was wonderful. It made Spidey act like a damn man for once. He was checking out other women and thinking about pussy all the time. NOPE! Spidey was on that pussy. He ain't have time to be worrying about all that crime. Not with all them bitches out in New York. You know how New York is in the Summer. Fuck the dumb shit. Plus, his girl was wack, so why wouldn't he be looking at new ass? He is a world famous superhero and Mary Jane is a damn washed up singer. Oh, fuck no, she gots to carry her weight. Yet, all I saw was her complaining about Pete not listening to her and being there for her. Whatever. See, that's why Spidey can't be a nigga. Because a nigga woulda said, "I know you ain't talking all that shit after I just busted my ass and risked my life saving dozens of people again...with your non-singing ass. Best go 'head with that bullshit, girl, before I go fuck one of the thousands of women that fantasize about being a fly caught in my web, waiting helplessly for me to come and fuck 'em. Don't think they ain't out there. I be reading that shit on that there internet. Yeah, don't think I ain't peeped it. You keep talking that wild shit and watch..." Not only did that symby suit make Spidey see all the wonderful pussy around him, it also made him realize that he gotta get thorough with these villains. Damn waiting on the cops, that symby suit had Spidey tryna kill out there in them streets. Black suit had one beast ass scene with the Green Goblin, whose alter-ego, Harry Osbourne, happens to be Pete's best friend. What he did to that Goblin could not have happened without the symby in him. These dudes are fighting and Goblin is still on that bullshit, talking about how Spidey killed his crazy ass father and all that. Black suit was like, "Harry, go 'head with that bullshit. Nobody killed your crazy ass pops, man. I done told you for the last time, he did that shit to himself!" Of course Goblin wasn't trying to hear the truth, so he throws one of them lil' Year 3000 grenades at Spidey and dude slips the shit like Mayweather, grabs it, tosses it back it blows up in his face. Man, my lil nephew hit that "Deeeeeeeeeeeennn!" and I just started smiling like I had just made that beast ass course on Excite Bike and none of my friends could beat me on it. Now, you know when a little black boy hits that "Deeeeeeeeeennn!" something good done happened.
Apparently that damn bomb upside Harry’s head did some good, because he got some sense and ended up rolling with Spidey against the Sandman and Venom in the big battle scene. Goddamn, that shit was better than the Road Warriors against the Rock and Roll Express. I ain't gonna give it all away, so all I'mma say is "Deeeeeeeeeeeeeenn!!!"
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FIYA NBA Ranks: #3 |
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Awwwww yeah. Spidey re-upped on Captain Jack and came out slinging. 148 million opening weekend?!?! 
