Movie Review
Sex and the City
Wine Before Whine
by: Reggie Eggert, for Entertainment
While the majority of sistas and white women stand firmly on opposite sides of the political landscape these days, there is no doubt that they can agree on two things: 1. Sex and the City 2. Wine.
I swear, this past week, sistas talking about this damn movie and drinking all this wine is revenge for years of brothas watching the game and playing Madden, because I know good and fucking well a movie about some old ass well-dressed white women aint got them acting this stupid. Shit, I didn’t see them this cysed for First Wives Club.
Niggas have been calling me all week, scared to death because their girl has been gettin “they grown woman on.” Them women going out with their girls and talking about how trifling these dudes are and niggas know it. Tight! Them sistas be watching Carrie tell Big that she want that security (AND A BIGGER CLOSET?) and that damn light bulb pop over their head, "Hey, I deserve that, too." This SATC thing is a movement and its pure comedy.
So, what's the big deal? Is it that good? Um, fuck no. It's a terrible movie that does more to undermine feminism than porn and the Miss America pageant combined. Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte and Miranda are silly, petty, insecure, boring, hysterical, materialistic, OLD AS FUCK and unattractive. And they have captured sistas' imaginations in ways we haven't seen since Waiting to Exhale. They’ve got careers that they are proud of and they support each other, regardless of the details. You know what this means? It means they fucking hate men. You know what that means for black men? That's right...The Four Bitches of the Apocalypse. I mean, damn, you got these sistas gettin dressed to the nines and drinking wine for two hours before they go see four white career women complain about their men for another two hours.
Seriously?
That shit is just not good. No wonder niggas are scared.
However, all that said, there is a silver lining, my dudes. As these women are white--and thereby more gulli, er, forgiving--and have some kinda influence on our sistas, we just have to use certain scenes in this stupid ass movie to our advantage.
MMMMMMMHUH!!! It's gonna work. Follow me, niggas. I'mma show you how to flip it.
For example, one of these women gets cheated on by her man. And you know what the chick does? NOTHING!!! No burning shit up or throwing shit or cutting or shooting. The chick just gets grown and moves out, because she needs time to think. WONDERFUL! Now, sistas, y'all need to toast to that shit. Sip on that there. I like that. And, then, brothas, you know what the chick does next? Now, brace yourselves, because this shit can melt your damn brain up. Ready? She takes the dude back! I know!!! That's the same thing I said. She realized she loved the dude and it wasn't worth throwing away what they built, all because she was being frigid and pushed him into the arms of another woman.
NOOOOOPE! Sistas, don't be mad. Follow the example of your white idols and forgive. NOPE! Forgive. So, brothas, when y'all fuck up, just look your girl in the eye and say you sorry and "I fucked up, but you my Carrie and I'm your Big and we were meant to be. Don't throw us away. We worked too hard for this."
Note: Jennifer Hudson can't act, period, if she's not being sassy...surprised?
