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- Wanna submit something?
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FiyaStarter RATING =  Fiyaballs
Average white movie critic: “He got 25 million and a piece of the gross receipts? Oh, fuck no! This series gotta end.” You saw those reviews. They killed this movie. As a result, Rush Hour 3 made 20 million less out the gate than the previous installment of 2001. I swear to goodness, these are some petty muhfuckas. I mean, $50 million is a mighty fine opening weekend, but people were obviously expecting a bit more. There is no doubt that those poor reviews kept a significant number of moviegoers away from the film. So, I’m just fed up, man. I’m fed the fuck up! They keepin’ people from seeing some good comedy. Chris Tucker is funny as hell in this movie. That “good nigga comedy” is working overtime in this one and so many people are gonna be left out on all the quotables he drops in it. And for what? Because he does better box office numbers than Robin Williams, Jim Carrey, Adam Sandler, etc.? I’ve had it, man. I’m giving white movie reviewers a piece of my mind. I’m writing them a letter. Dear Mad White Movie Critic, You are mad! Every time a nigga, especially a comedian, comes outta nowhere and has great success at the box office, you gotta act a damn fool and give their movies poor reviews. Tyler Perry, Martin Lawrence and Chris Tucker can’t release a flick without you hatin’ on it. Don’t act like you give a shit about their movies perpetuating stereotypes, when the truth is you are just digging for excuses to hate. You can’t fathom why black people enjoy being entertained by these people and it pisses you off that they are more successful than many white comedians who you feel are unappreciated. Why do you have to be so petty about this shit? You don’t see me shittin’ on Seth Rogen and crew, talking about they’re perpetuating stereotypes, even though the research reveals that, in fact, most 20-something white guys are weed head, homophobic, slackers. But, do you criticize their movies based on this? No, you don’t. And they go on and make their $130 million with no problem. But, let a nigga talk fast and be smartass, like Tucker, and y’all act like it’s the worst thing ever, never mind the fact that Vince Vaughn has built a career off such behavior. And please don’t act like Vaughn is funnier than Tucker. Chris Tucker would spend 15 minutes talking about Vince Vaughn’s hairline before Vince could think of one thing about Tucker to make fun of that isn’t vaguely racist. Look, if you can’t recognize that some people enjoy “black” humor, it’s time for you to stop reviewing these movies. You don’t see me reviewing Larry the Cable Guy’s shit. It’s not my thing. So, I ain’t gonna go see something that I know I’m gonna hate on, despite the fact that millions of people do think it’s funny. So, just do everyone a favor and keep your mad ass feelings to yourself and stop repeating the same shit every time a comedy for black folks hits the screens. Let that young black editorial assistant review the flick, because at least the review would be fair. You didn’t see no black folks giving the thumbs up to Soul Plane. However, I damn sure saw plenty of white folks giving good reviews for insanely unfunny shit like Cheaper by the Dozen and Tim Allen’s career. Mmmmhuh, don’t think black folks don’t notice shit like that. And then you come and hate on shit we like? Oh, hell no. Your reviews do nothing but further divide us. You know damn well you weren’t gonna like Rush Hour 3 as soon as production started last year, and you spewed your pent up vitriol all over newspapers, magazines and the ‘net. ‘Cism. You have have put an end to Tucker’s Rush Hour series, but you’ve actually made matters worse for yourself, because now he’s gonna be forced to go back to the Friday franchise, and niggas been waiting for that for 12 years.
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FIYA NBA Ranks: #9 |
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We knew this was coming. White folks know who Chris Tucker is now and they are determined to make sure his movies bomb from now on. They gave those first two Rush Hours a pass, because they were under the impression that Jackie Chan was the one they were coming to see. Now, after watching The Tuxedo, Around the World in 80 Days, Shanghai Knights and The Medallion fail to do the same kind of numbers that those first two Rush Hours did, they are well aware that Chris Tucker is a superstar. 