 |
||||||||
l
|
||||||||
- Wanna submit something?
|
FiyaStarter RATING =  FiyaballsMovie Review
It wasn't enough that Eminem has sold more albums than any other rapper in history, and that he did it in a span of eight years. It wasn't enough that Steve Nash averaged a double-double in points and assists in two consecutive seasons and has been rewarded with consecutive MVP awards, as if Jason Kidd, Isiah Thomas or Kevin Johnson didn't have similar stats and the team success to match. It wasn't enough that Justin Timberlake acted like Michael Jackson for three songs and sold five million records. No, white people had to take the one thing that has been at the very heart of Black America since the beginning. It's gotten us through some dark times, putting smiles on our faces, tears in our eyes and joy in our souls. People, I'm talking about cooning. NO, YOU WAIT A MINUTE!!!! Don't you sit there and get all high and mighty with me and pretend you don't fucks wit some good cooning. Don't act like some buffoonery-induced laughter hasn't provided a much needed stress relief on occasion. You've never tuned into Comic View and seen some nigga actin a damn fool and just started smiling? That's what I thought. So, why are white comedians taking over our shit? Why are they making all the good faces? Why are they creating all the best lovable idiots and losers? If they can take cooning away from us, white women can easily surpass sistas as the best at cursing a motherfucker out. That cannot happen! Then again, I never though white folks could surpass black people as the greatest coons in the world either. It's disheartening. It's also funny. While black comedians are bowing to the whims of the unfunny ass black intelligentsia, white comedians are making shit like Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby, the funniest movie of the summer. Starring Will Ferrell, Talladega follows the story of an idiot NASCAR driver who wants nothing more than to race cars, eat some chicken and pizza, and hump. His wife is a gold-digging whore and his children respect no one, especially their elderly grandfather, who they threaten with physical violence with far more frequency than they say hello to him. The only things Bobby has going for himself are his money and his fiercely loyal best friend, Cal Naughton Jr., played by the incomparable John C. Reilly. Yet, those two things are enough for Ricky; he's living a great life. But wait! Ricky's life of blissful ignorance is ruined by Europe's #1 ranked coon, Sasha Baron Cohen, who plays rival driver Jean Girard, an eccentric gay Frenchman. Although Ferrell and Reilly are funny as hell, Cohen provides most of the good cooning in this one. He speaks with the most fucked up accent I've ever heard any actor create, even surpassing Benecio Del Toro in The Usual Suspects. I laughed every time this dude said a word. The only way he could have topped himself was to give it a little stutter here and there, because stuttering is a staple of coon comedy. I might have to rethink my hate for Mr. Cohen. He was actin' good in this joint. Of course Ricky and Girard do battle in The Big Race to decide who the biggest buffoon is, but none of that matters, because the winner is you. You see what I did there? I made the corny joint to end the review. NOPE! corny.
|
FIYA NFL Ranks: Week 11 |
||||||
It just never stops. 