FiyaStarter.com - Reel Hot with Reggie Eggert

-

“Nas killed Hip-Hop.”
-Soulja Boy
15-minute rapper, currently on
his 14th minute and counting.

Comments on content?
email us

Wanna submit something?
*read this page

Reggie Eggert (30)

-Loves any movie with black people in it.
--Reggie was fired from BET.com for giving a 4-star review to Woo, which is quite possibly the worst movie ever made. Yes, worse than that. Yup, that too. It’s unforgivably bad. Reggie has learned his lesson. He promised not to give any movie with Jada Pinkett Smith in it for more than 20 minutes a rating higher than 2 and ½, because that’s all they deserve.

FiyaStarter RATING =

Fiyaballs

Movie Review

Miami Vice
Bad Boys III: Showers After Dark
by: Reggie Eggert, for Entertainment

The comparison is there so don’t act stupid. As a matter of fact, why don’t we just jump right into it? If you took Colin Farrell and replaced him with Will Smith and swapped Jamie Foxx for Martin Lawrence, you could very well pass Miami Vice off as the latest installment of Bad Boys. Given, Martin is a bit sillier in the Bad Boys flicks than Foxx is in Vice, but Ray Ray’s role was so small in this joint we’ll just look past that minor detail, ya know much like everyone is looking past his new hairline?

Sonny, as he likes to be called in Vice is for all intents and purposes Farrell playing a grittier Mike Lowrey (Smith). I know what a few of you argumentative bitches are thinking, you’re thinking, “Hey, Reggie, why stop there, why not just couple ‘em up and call this Lethal Weapon 9. Oooh, better yet Reggie, lump all them shits together and throw in Rush Hour and call this Beverly Hills Cop 45…yeah, 45, that sounds about right.” To you folks out there thinking along these lines, I’ll just say you got it. My black ass just came from outside and it’s 172 degrees, according to this heat index thing, and that fine sister on the Weather Channel just described the air in my area as "oppressive." Know what that means? That means it’s entirely too hot to be dealing with silly people, so I’ll just take the high road, here. You have fun tracking down that confrontation.

With that resolved, here are some of the similarities I noticed after viewing Miami Vice and the Bad Boys movies.

Both are films with:

Summer-action-buddy-cop tattooed on them
Two big name stars cast as the buddy cops
Beautiful scenery (i.e. landscape, cars, women)
Intimidating men with Spanish accents
Drugs ran by those intimidating Spanish speaking men
Expensive Scarface’d out houses owned by the same Spanish kingpins
Forbidden romance that too easily turns into heavy petting and hot sex
Guns [Keanu] Lotsa…Guns [/Reeves]
The bitch from the forbidden romance-turned steamy sex scene used to set up the final confrontation

And the differences,

One film:

Was shot primarily during the day, while the other after dusk
Was at least 35 minutes longer than the other *yawn*
Had its story revolve around a guy who’s actually a marginal actor with no definitive role to his name, while his Oscar winning co-star didn’t do shit but sit in a hospital waiting to see if his blown up girlfriend would wake up…the other didn’t
Had two totally unnecessary shower sex scenes

If you go see this film, you should agree with what I just wrote. If not, please reread what I wrote one more time. I’m about to grab about 18 Fla-Vor-Ice and chill the fuck out.