Movie Review
Idlewild
Dre Is Ruining Everything.
by:
Reggie Eggert, for Entertainment
This
is Dre’s
fault. I was enjoying Idlewild until
he started fuckin’ it all up with his weird ass random
singing. Shit would be moving along just fine and then this nigga
starts actin’ dumb as hell. I don’t care what he
says in public, I know Big Boi be wit Sleepy Brown and them talkin
about how Dre’ is fuckin up the group.
Dre’ had
to deviate from Bryan Barber’s screenplay
over a dozen times, from what I could tell. He was just doing
weird shit like taking long ass pauses between his sentences
and tryna look sensitive and shit. NIGGA YOU NOT PRINCE! GODDAMN!
If you gonna be weird, be weird from jump; that’s how Prince
did it. Dre’ tryna be weird ten years after the fact and
shit. We remember you wearing them throwbacks and Nikes, nigga.
You ain’t fooling nobody.
As I was
watching this movie, I couldn’t help but think
of all of the other great stuff that Outkast could’ve tried
to make only to have Dre’ fuck it up with his crazy ideas.
You know what I mean? Let’s just imagine some Outkast conversations
about…
PEANUT BUTTER AND CHOCOLATE
Big Boi: Dre’, you know what would go good together?
Dre’: What’s that?
Big Boi: Some motherfuckin’ peanut butter and chocolate.
Damn! You can make cookies, candy bars, ice cream…awww,
man
Dre’: I dunno, man. I’m with you, but peanut
butter and chocolate together isn’t very healthy. How ’bout
peanut butter and alfafa sprouts? Or chocolate and cabbage?
Those are some good ice cream flavors. We can sell them at
health food stores.
Big Boi: Chocolate and cabbage? Nigga, have you lost your
mind?
Dre’: Look, man…I’m just tryna do something
different. You just wanna do what everyone else is doing.
Big Boi: I hate you.
THE GODFATHER
Big Boi: Dre’, I got a tight ass idea for a movie,
dogg!
Dre’: What’s that?
Big Boi: It’s about a motherfuckin family of mobsters,
and all the sons are vying to be next in line to their father’s
crime family and the youngest son isn’t into at all,
but he has the best mind for the shit, and the father knows
this…
Dre’: Wait, wait, wait…mobsters?
Big Boi: Yeah mobsters…but it’s deeper than
that. It’s about family, good and evil, the American
dream…gonna have a lot allegory and shit in it. You’ll
see.
Dre’: I dunno, man. I can’t see myself making
a movie about mobsters. Didn’t Master P already do that?
Let’s make something to inspire our people, man. Let’s
make this idea I had about this guy who’s a florist and
he falls in love with this Broadway dancer…
Big Boi: What…in…the…fuck? Damn, man…nevermind.
FIRE
Big Boi: Dre’, I done discovered some incredible
shit!!!
Dre’: What’s that?
Big Boi: I call it fire. It’s like the air gets real
hot and manifests itself as this blue, yellow and red glow.
The shit is amazing, dogg. The heat is so ridiculous, the shit
turns the flesh of our prey into a dark brown color and gets
rid of all the blood and shit, making it tastes so fuckin’ good…you
don’t taste no blood at all. I don’t even think
I’ll get sick no more when I eat after using the fire.
And to top it off, it illuminates the darkness. We can see
shit at night, dogg! DAT FIYA!!!!
Dre’: Okay, first of all, you know I'm a vegetarian.
Secondly, this fire, as you call it, sounds a little dangerous,
to be honest with you. It sounds like it can kill us; especially
since it illuminates the darkness. It gets dark for a reason,
ya know. God wants us to not be able to see in the dark. There's
evil in the darkness and we shouldn't see it.
Big Boi: GODDAMN, MAN!
And that’s what I thought of Idlewild. Big Boi’s
story was interesting and Dre’s love story was dumb, and
the movie suffered because of Dre's story.
