FiyaStarter.com - Reel Hot with Reggie Eggert

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“I was gonna drive around
the corner and get a blow job.”
-Charles Barkley
Drunk ass political hopeful.

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Reggie Eggert (30)

-Loves any movie with black people in it.
--Reggie was fired from BET.com for giving a 4-star review to Woo, which is quite possibly the worst movie ever made. Yes, worse than that. Yup, that too. It’s unforgivably bad. Reggie has learned his lesson. He promised not to give any movie with Jada Pinkett Smith in it for more than 20 minutes a rating higher than 2 and ½, because that’s all they deserve.

FiyaStarter RATING =

(3½) Fiyaballs

Movie Review

I Am Legend
Will Tries To Salvage Black Men's Reps As Dog Lovers.
by: Reggie Eggert, for Entertainment

Oh, no you don’t , Will!

I see you tryna catch up with Dat ‘Nu. You think you slick. Ever since you turned down the role that made Keanu a legend (i.e. Neo in The Matrix Trilogy), you’ve been trying to become a legend your damn self. And now here you go, talkin’ ‘bout I Am Legend, playing a doctor that is trying to find a cure for a deadly virus that has seemingly wiped out every other person on the planet.

Nigga, please.

I give Will his due though. He’s a better actor than Dat ‘Nu and he’s far more versatile, but when it comes to saving the world, we all know nobody is fucking with Keanu Reeves.

Check the scoreboard:

Jonny Mnemonic: Keanu got the cure for a deadly plague is his muhfuckan brain, which doubles as a portable hard drive. This joint came out in 1995!!! Keanu gets a bonus for having the foresight to see where technology was taking us.
Chain Reaction: Keanu and a team of scientists create a new type of fuel source and the government tries to use it for evil. Keanu has to stop them before they accidently blow up the damn world…AND HE DOES!
The Devil’s Advocate: He saves the world from Pacino’s radioactive overacting.
The Matrix Triology: This counts as three different times that he saved the world, because he had to do it in each movie. NOPE!
Constantine: He saved the world from Satan AGAIN!!! Damn, he good!

Now, I know Will saved the world in Independence Day, MIB 1 and 2 , I, Robot and maybe Wild Wild West, but that just proves my point; he is pressed to catch up to Keanu in world-saving. And you know what really annoys me about it? He don’t even save the damn world right. You ain’t supposed to be spittin’ one-liners with the fate of humanity hanging in the balance. Nah, when Keanu is saving the world he stays focus and sullen. Some may even say “wooden,” but I ain’t getting into all that.

All in all, I guess I enjoyed I Am Legend. It was basically Will, a dog, Manhattan and some mediocre CGI monsters. I ain’t gonna lie, all that quiet was scaring the hell outta me. At one point, I pretended I was looking at my phone so I wouldn’t have to look at the screen and have the shit scared out of me (true story). You know the part I’m talking about. This nigga gon’ hit his head and be hanging upside down…all night. Oh, hell nah. I just knew his ass was gonna be roasting over an open flame and the leader of that CGI monster gang was gonna be standing there wearing an apron and a smile.

*SPOILER ALERT*

Lastly, I wanna address these nerds who are going apeshit because the military shot down every bridge around Manhattan, but somehow that chick Anna drove all the way from Maryland to save Will’s life. You damn nerds need to put the same effort into finding pussy holes as you put into finding holes in plots.