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FiyaStarter RATING = 
Fiyaballs
Back in ’91, when I was but a lad (can a black man get some credit for using the word lad? thanks), I spent half of the summer with my older sister in LA. While there, I was introduced to the BOHO style of living by big Sis and her boyfriend. The BOHO lifestyle entails all things artsy, including (but far from limited to): Mediterranean food, live alternative music, bizarre shopping and British comedy. I was already a big Benny Hill fan, but that was probably more about soft porn than “art.” I’m talking about Are You Being Served? and The Good Life; funny and clever programming by way of a different culture. As fate would have it, while we were at the movies checking out Terminator 2, the trailer for some comedy a black British guy named Lenny Henry, came on. We all thought it was funny as hell and of course dude is one of my sister’s favorite comedians. For the next week or so, that True Identity trailer ran every 12 seconds. Henry got more face time on TV than Peyton Manning during an NFL season. There was this one scene where Lenny was in disguise, acting a damn fool hiding from mobsters, that almost made me waste my Falafel all over the living room floor. “If the commercials are this good, this movie is gonna be great!” my sister exclaimed. … Wrong bitch, and you made me sit through the whole 94 minute shitfest. I shoulda called mom and told her I found papers on top of your frigerator. All of which brings me to Babylon A.D. Boy did Vinny drop a Lenny. When I saw that preview scene of the French brawd stopping that missile with her powers and that dramatic voiceover came on talking ‘bout how she could save the world if Vinny protected her, I said, “Awwwww shit, Vinny tryna catch up with Keanu and Will with that world-saving. Count me in.” I wish I would’ve saved my trip to that theater, last week. That scene was far and away the most exciting part of the movie and in the ebb and flow of the actual flick, it wasn’t even all that good. I was about as mad as the first time I saw FICA on my check. You better not do this to me on the next Riddick film, Vincent. I will have the FiyaStarter Webmaster put that breakdancing video on the front page of this muhfucka and remind people. Don’t try me, Mark.
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FIYA NBA Ranks: #9 |
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From the Fiya rating you’ve probably figured out Vinny Diesel’s new flick, isn’t on my short list, this year. Babylon A.D. suffers from what I call "Lenny Henry Disease" (LHD). Before I go on to trash this movie, let me explain just what that is.