Two For One R&B: The King and The Pauper
by: Malik Sinsear, for Entertainment
R. Kelly - Double Up
Fiyaballs
Fiya 3 on
the CD: Hook It Up featuring Huey, Rock Star featuring Ludacris & Kid Rock, I’m A Flirt featuring T.I. & T-Pain
Alright, so I’m over my guilty conscious regarding R. Kelly and his brilliance in terms of music despite the fetish for females the fucking age of my oldest niece, which would have me out looking for his ass with my grand-daddy’s musket if he even glanced at her with that crooked ass smile. Them pellets would be doing more than flirting with that dude if he even looked at---ok, so maybe I’m still dealing with my pedo-Kelly issues, but there’s no denying the guys compositions. He’s a genius. I’ve said it before and despite a few repetitive stumbles on his latest album Double Up, little has been done to change this fact. Minus the “child of God-ordained” line on the Swizz induced Intro, Kells comes out swinging. The title track featuring Snoop is classic modern day Robert with a strange twist that I can’t quite put my finger on…hmmm, anyway, after a couple of skippable “in the club drinking your favorite liquor” songs featuring Nelly and Chamillionaire, I’m A Flirt with T.I. and T-Pain in tow turn the tune into an instant favorite minus the actual message of the song, well, maybe. I’m sort of torn over this song. On one hand, I wish a nigga would step to my girl, knowing I was with her. Forget the chick, I would split his shit for blatantly disrespecting me. And she better not be giving him any feedback or else I’m putting a foot up in her ass because she been begging me for the last month to take her somewhere so she can walk it out or whatever the hell she’s talking about. BUT, then on the other hand I feel Rob because just a few weeks ago, I’m at my Friday hangout spot and I’m watching Steve Nash get his ass handed to him by Tony Parker on one of the flat screens and a cute girl directly below the screen catches my attention (during a commercial break, of course); a smile, then wink. So, she starts walking toward, then past me when I grab her arm and some MIMS lookin’ nigga intervenes telling me, “I got that, yo.” Little does he know two of my boys are right behind him ready to follow up if I decide to be petty. Boy did he almost---Ok, I understand why Kells made the song. What I don’t understand is how he could have T-Pain on one track, borrow his Roger Troutman synthesizer on that Snoop joint (I remember, now), then shark the shit out of it on Leave Your Name. Pain and Aaron Hall are going to beat the breaks off this nigga if he don’t go to jail. Now, that’s Real Talk!
T-Pain - Epiphany
(3
1/2) Fiyaballs
Fiya 3 on
the CD: Buy You A Drink featuring Yung Joc,
Bartender featuring Akon, Shottas
That synthesizer be cookin’, yall. Nope, don’t sit there and front like you don’t like that ‘sizer, you know it’s good. First time I heard T-Pain, I thought to myself, “Hey, he’s using that ‘sizer. I know Roger Troutman’s big ass mustache is up there smiling. That’s alright.” Now, when I found out this was his whole deal, I thought about getting mad, but my next twenty minutes of laughter pretty much ruined that. Matter of fact, I still get the giggles when I think about it. T called dibs on that damn ‘sizer. I know if I was looking for a singing gimmick I’d be the maddest nigga on the hemisphere if some dude out of the blue just dusted that ‘sizer off and sold 27 million ringtones, recouped his album budget before it got released then pop-locked every chance he got just to rub it in. That is gold, people. Akon got so mad, he signed the muhfukka and cosigned it and I don’t blame him. It’s so melodic it’s capable of putting you into a euphoric trance. Just look at all the males eating this Buy You A Drink song up. You know these cheap muhfukkas out here have no intention whatsoever of buying anything. They get their condoms from the local university free mobile clinic. And to the regular club goers that thought that walk it out was at the end of its rope, and the motorcycle and snap were two seasons past their prime, guess what? Yup, that ‘sizer brought them back like The fucking Family Guy. I’m not even sure if you need talent to work it, and I don’t care. It’s like a kazoo on steroids. He even pulled it off over a reggae song, man. I’m mystified by that ‘sizer, y’all. It makes me forget everything, like the worst HIV/AIDS skit, ever on an album…this one.
