FiyaStarter.com - Educated Lady of Soul

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“My team ALWAYS plays better
at home. We don't travel well.”
-The Good Doctor
...with a sex reference

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--graduated Howard in 2000 as a double-major in Sociology and Music History
--graduated NYU in 2003 with masters in English
--was offered a staff writer position with every major entertainment publication to be their music reviewer for R&B and rap. She turned down; Ent. Weekly as "wanna-be hipsters who 3 months late on everything people," Spin as "buzz-hungry geeks who think they're on the frontline in the never-ending War of Cool, but they don't have any ammo," Rollingstone as "a fucking relic that has never come close to its potential," The Source as "every issue since 1995, an exercise in obsolescence pub," XXL "an office filled with the "Inferiority complex folk, because of their obsession with The Source," and finally Vibe "a magazine run by space cadets, saditty sistas, sluts and slags who know nothing about hip-hop other than who'd they'd fuck, who they wouldn't fuck and what Jay-Z tells them." So why would she join the staff of a start-up who can only pay her $300 a month? "Because I can write what I want to write and not feel any pressure to sweeten any of my reviews."
Nope, don't sweeten anything Erykah. We want you to be your brutally honest bitter self.

FiyaStarter RATING = Fiyaballs

Album Review

Beyoncé - B'Day
Mindless Music
by: Erykah Lauryn Scott, for Entertainment

I have this weird thing I do where I think up wild scenarios, pairing completely opposite people together, then I try to figure out how awkward the conversation would be between them. So, earlier I was pondering, what if Nas and Jay-Z went out to dinner and their respective R&B chicks came along. Could you imagine how wack it would be if the boys stepped away from the table for ten minutes leaving Kelis and Beyoncé alone to have a “conversation?” Just picture the look on Kelis’ face when Beyoncé makes a remark about how “very, verrrrry classy” the restaurant is based on the complicated fold of the napkins.

“They musta used alotta starch in these, they're very verrrry pretty.”

I’d pay to be a spot on the silverware at such a meeting of the mind and mindless.

Speaking of wack, R&B, Beyoncé, and mindless, B’Day, the new album from Black America’s queen of aimless roll around dancing is as imaginative as the title indicates. After your two “hot 16’s” provided by boyfriend Carter (which are actually lukewarm if anything, I mean how lame was that “ar-gu-a-ment” line?), you’re left with gems like Freakum Dress, a song about what else, a dress and Get Me Bodied, where Ms. Knowles officially joins the list of entertainment scholars that not only use the unword conversate, but conjugate it as well.

Good job.

B’Day has a few good moments, namely when Beyoncé decides to borrow. On Ring The Alarm, she takes a page out of the notebook of the aforementioned Kelis, and screams on the track because some dude has her on edge, ready to cut him and the chick he’s creeping with. Around mid-bridge of Green Light, she swipes a couple “Oh’s” from Amerie’s hit, One Thing. She's a borrower.

This album is short and contains no substance whatsoever. It’s not like I was expecting any, but around Upgrade U, Knowles actually pissed me off. Even I wasn't ready for the blasphemous line, “I can do for you, what Martin did for the people."

Need I go any further?

Thank God, Oprah didn’t invite her to the Legends Ball…um, I mean she couldn’t make it.