FiyaStarter.com - In The Dining Room With Big Earl

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“I was gonna drive around
the corner and get a blow job.”
-Charles Barkley
Drunk ass political hopeful.

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No this isn’t a formal gathering, it's sports talk rambling (mostly) with America’s resident angry black man, Big Earl at his dining room table where he watches sports on his 13-inch TV and reflects on life. Grab a chair and listen up as Earl pulls back the memories of sports days past almost as feverishly as he pulls back on his lit menthol of choice. You’re now in the dining room and Earl is speaking from the big chair.

Shocks and Bonds.
by: Big Earl, for Sports

The Nerve.

There was too much cheering for my taste. Barry Bonds’ 755th homerun was met by a surprisingly warm reception by the fans at San Diego’s Petco Park, Saturday night. I was all too prepared to gorge myself on the overwhelming amount of media coverage that would’ve come from angry white fans acting a GOTDAMN fool the moment Barry tied Hank Aaron for first all-time on the Babe Ruth’s Octoroon Ass Is Dead And Y’all Need To Get Over It list. Batteries and beer didn’t descend upon Barry’s much publicized noggin. Would-be attackers didn’t leap from the stands with Rambo hunting knives, wearing “Kill the nigger!” t-shirts. All they did was clap, like fucking Clay Aiken just sang the Anthem.

What a letdown.

I was so looking forward to a few crazy white folks shaming the lot of white America, much like a few crazy niggas are always shaming the lot of black America. I mean, maybe there’s still hope. Maybe Barry hits 756 and gets stabbed by a fat ass Kevin James look-a-like investment banker, as he rounds first base. One can only hope. That’s when things will get interesting. Al and Jesse would be spitting hot shit faster than Twista at a speed dating session, talking about how the media’s overwhelmingly negative coverage of Bonds created the hate-filled climate in which such an attack could occur.

You can just hear Jesse: “This is notta thug. All he did was slug. Since when does a swatter require a swat team…America?”

And Al: “Well, I think this just goes to show racism is still the #1 problem in America and that’s why I’m still out here fighting on behalf of black people, who are the primary victims of this shameful, sinful and scandalous scourge.”

But, no. What I’m left with are shitty hater articles by shitty hater writers and shitty hater commentaries by shitty hater commentators, all of whom fail to capture the majesty and mystery of Barry Bonds. If he were white, they’d take the fucking time to mythologize his surly demeanor and rigid misery. He’d still be called an asshole, sure, but he’d be an “intensely focused” and “dedicated” asshole. If Ty Cobb’s legend can be built upon being an ultimately harmless piece of shit, why not Barry? Why does Barry have to be THE DEVIL and a piece of shit? And why is everyone just supposed to ignore his wife and kids? Do they make him too human? Obviously, yes. The best part of this record chase is that rare shot of some sign-holding asshole making a fool of himself next to Barry’s lovely wife and beautiful daughter (btw, Isn’t Aisha’s lil’ chicken mock of pitchers just adorable?). I love it. Keep ‘em coming.

As disappointed as I was in the reaction to 755, I have no doubt ‘cism will reign supreme for 756.

It’s the great American pastime, after all.